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    Old 11-22-2019, 05:28 PM   #1
    ruby0409
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    Please read - I need opinions

    If a family member that you're very close to asked you to watch their child, 6 days a month on a rotating schedule (same days every month) from 8:40am-3:30pm who is 8 months old and you have an almost 4 year old of your own, would you expect them to pay you?

    My cousin is asking me to watch her 8 month old. They would drop him at my house in the morning at 8:40am, I would have to leave with him and my daughter 10 min. later to drop at daughter at pre-school. Then pick her up from school at 11:30am, and have them both together for 4 hours. On top of that, my daughter does extra curricular activities so I would have to take him with me, and I do enjoy watching her.

    Anyhow, I told her I don't mind helping her, and that 6 days is a lot. It's more than 1 week of an actual work schedule. Before she even asked me to watch him 6 days a month, she texted me asking me how I felt about watching him 3 days a week! I told her I couldn't commit to that because I do things with my daughter, and I work in the evenings and that would be too long of a day for me. I work part-time 4:30-9, and weekends. She got mad and upset, meanwhile she asked me how I felt about it first. She told me she would give me $40 in gas gift card, and pay for my daughter's after school program which would be $36/month if I did the 3 days a week from 8:40-3:30pm.

    Currently for the past 3 months since she's been back to work, I'll go over there once a week, or maybe 3 times a month from 9:15-1:15 to watch her son so she can sleep because she works nights and her husband works days. She'll work 11pm-7am, and then I'll come over at 9:15 after I drop my daughter at pre school, leave with the baby at 11:30 to pick her up, and then come back to her house till she wakes up.

    Her hours got cut at her current job, so she had to take on a second job so she works 40 hours a week because if not they can't afford their bills. She said she has no other help besides me and her friend who is watching her son 8 times a month, and she's giving her $40/day to watch him.

    She then told me that "I have to" help her because she has no one else and she would do it for me. That night I get a text message from her husband saying he's sick of me making his wife cry, and that she doesn't understand why you're acting like this.

    My cousin and I are very close. We lived together for a few years growing up, our parents are sisters, we've always been close. She texted me the 6 dates in January and said it would start in January and would be on a rotating schedule the same days every month. She said she would give me $80 in cash every month, for 6 days, almost 7 hours. I'm sorry, but am I being rude or nasty or greedy? Even though she's my family and we've always been close, I feel like I deserve more than that, I mean, at least $100 a month. I'm doing her a favor, so she can make money, while I'm watching her son.

    She starts comparing me to her friend that watches him 8 days a month, and has a 1 year old and a 4 year old and works full time saying she has a lot more obstacles than me and I shouldn't be complaining and this should be easy for me. However, I have an almost 4 year old. My house is NOT baby proof whatsoever. My daughter has so many little toys, I don't have a crib, where is he going to nap? I have steps, I don't have a gate. I don't want my days to be consisted of holding for 6 hours while he's trying to get out and crawl around. Like I said she said I can go to her house and bring my daughter there and watch him, but then that's gas back and forth back and forth.

    Please am I being unreasonable here, or should this be something that I should be totally finally with?

     
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    Old 11-28-2019, 06:11 AM   #2
    yayagirl
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    Re: Please read - I need opinions

    Friend, you are not the child's parent so you have no obligation except to be polite. As much as possible, empathize with your cousin's situation but the fact is that each of us have our own emotions, and our emotions are our own to deal with. We have no power to create what others feel. Likewise they don't create what we feel. You two used to be very close but you can't fix each other's problems and you each have your own family responsibilities.

    If you can, for family's sake, meet with her in person and give her a hug and say you are sorry how things went, but that both families are in a tight spot and you tried but you just can't fix her situation.

    What you expect is what you expect. What you want or can do is up to you. It really doesn't matter what others would do. Just be empathetic and explain you understand what they need but you just don't have the time or whatever to give.

    Be kind and understanding of how it feels to her, and be honest.
    Outbursts happen. Don't allow the outbursts to destroy family solidarity.

    We all have to grow up and make whatever changes we need to make for our own lives. We can't fix other people's lives or make their choices for them. That is all that is going on.
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