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(humor) How to get along with doctors

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Old 02-04-2010, 10:24 PM   #1
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(humor) How to get along with doctors

That joke was just too stupid, so I will try again:

How to get along with health caregivers~

DO NOT EXPECT HEALTH CAREGIVER'S TO SHARE YOUR SUFFERING. It might cause him to lose objectivity.

BE CHEERFUL NO MATTER WHAT. They don't need to feel burdened.

DO NOT LET THEM KNOW YOU ARE SUFFERING. They need you to protect their reputation.

IF THE TREATMENT FAILS DO NOT COMPLAIN. The insight achieved by your illness transcends any loss or inconvenience you may experience.

SUBMIT YOURSELF TO EXPERIMENTATION. Any resulting research will surely be of interest.

ALWAYS PAY YOUR MEDICAL BILLS IN A TIMELY MANNER. It is a privilege to support their retirement plans.

DO NOT GET AN ILLNESS THAT YOU CANNOT PAY FOR. It is sheer arrogance to get an illness beyond your means.

NEVER REVEAL ANY SHORTCOMINGS OF YOUR HEALTH CAREGIVERS. You have a sacred duty to protect them from exposure.

NEVER DIE WHILE IN A HEALTH CAREGIVER'S PRESENCE OR WHILE UNDER THEIR CARE. This will only cause them needless inconvenience and embarrassment.

Follow this advice and you can be sure that you will never have a problem with anyone in the medical field.

Don't take it so seriously. It is just a little humor.

Last edited by friendlione; 02-04-2010 at 11:05 PM. Reason: changed jokes

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Old 02-07-2010, 09:49 PM   #2
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Re: (humor) How to get along with doctors

Hi, Friend . . . may I add something?

How to impress doctors:

1. Know all of the big words and be able to spell them accurately on your information for your chart.

2. Already have a diagnosis of your condition in mind before they even examine you.

3. Watch them when they draw your blood. Not fainting is a sign of character as is not looking away.

4. If you have home blood pressure monitoring or a blood sugar test kit, take daily readings for five days before your appointment and provide them with the information. That way if your readings at the appointment are off, they will know it is just because of the appointment.

5. Comment on something the pharmaceuticals gave them as a promotional item. For example, if when they want you to pump up for the blood drawing with a pill shaped rubber device, comment on how cute it is and if they ever get another one, can you have it?

6. Never blush when they pull the gown away to listen to your heart or check other areas of your body that you would not want your own mother to see naked.

7. If you are asked to make a follow-up appointment, ask the receptionist what days are good for the doctor so that they do not have to break a golf date.


Old 02-09-2010, 07:37 AM   #3
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Re: (humor) How to get along with doctors

isn't it fun?

Old 02-09-2010, 08:47 AM   #4
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Re: (humor) How to get along with doctors

Yes, Friend . . . it is fun!

Now, how to unnerve a doctor:

1. Look at their face or arms and find a freckle, liver spot or whatever. Then point to it and ask them if it has changed color, size or shape since the last time you saw them.

2. When they check your abdomen for swelling, start giggling like a school girl and tell them that tickles.

3. Resist the urge when they test the reflexes in your knee. Wait until they start to turn away and note it in the chart to kick.

4. When they put the light on your eyes to check them, keep staring after the light is taken away and ask if they are done yet.

5. When they look in your ears, ask them if they can see all the way through and out the other side. If so, the hydrogen peroxide must be working.

6. If they are wearing their traditional white lab coat, make a comment that you saw a bunch of those in the local thrift store and they can save a ton by shopping there.

7. When they ask you to open wide and say "ah", just before they put the depressor on your tongue, close your mouth and say "no way 'cuz someone already ate the popsicle off of it".


Old 02-14-2010, 04:21 PM   #5
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Re: (humor) How to get along with doctors

LOL you've got some real winners there Thanks

Old 03-18-2010, 12:28 AM   #6
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Re: (humor) How to get along with doctors

Hi, all have good jokes. I will add this one.

Question: What is positive thinking. How one could be said that he think positively?


If you are walking in the street and a bird drop the **** on your fine coat.
A positive minded will react like this,

Thanks God that Cows and Buffalo are not birds!

Old 03-21-2010, 09:43 AM   #7
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Re: (humor) How to get along with doctors

lindaru ! ROFLMO!

Old 04-27-2010, 02:38 PM   #8
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Re: (humor) How to get along with doctors

1. Bring along a laptop in hope they have wireless internet so you can connect to ***** and go through it with your doctor.
2. Start asking him about HIS problems, then pretend to listen and doodle on your notebook as he talks.

Last edited by PurpleMonkey; 04-27-2010 at 02:39 PM.

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