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    Old 05-04-2011, 09:06 PM   #16
    Ratties
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    Re: Quieting a Biological Clock

    no, when the relationships ended they didn't say anything to me...they just have a tendency to leave town...I didn't know about the Pectus Excavatum until I tried to enlist in the army but it explains why they leave me when during the relationship I did everything to make them happy...even overlooking them occasionally having sex with other women and never complaining...one of my exes said I was a pleaser but that was all he said...they all saw the pectus ecavatum and it chased them away...and now that I know about it, I can stop fooling myself into thinking that I can find someone who can possibly love me because no matter how I act that won't fix my chest.

    and I have to have a baby before 30 because I have had many nightmares of giving birth after 30 and dying in childbirth. but it doesn't matter, I can't get myself pregnant and refuse to let anyone see my PE so there isn't any way for me to get pregnant...

     
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    Old 05-04-2011, 09:18 PM   #17
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    Re: Quieting a Biological Clock

    Sweetie, letting your boyfriend have sex with another woman isn't being a good girlfriend, it's letting people walk all over you. An affair is not absolutely a reason to end the relationship, but it is and should be a major problem.

    It's not the PE. You are dating the wrong men and allowing them to treat you badly. You need someone who will respect you. But first, before you can have a good relationship, you need to improve your self-image.

    Look into training as an early childhood education teacher. If both of your parents are unemployed, financial aid might cover all your costs and even provide you with a small stipend to live on while you attend classes.

    Or, you might be able to find a job as an aide just as you are. Check it out.

     
    Old 05-04-2011, 09:50 PM   #18
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    Re: Quieting a Biological Clock

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by janewhite1 View Post
    Sweetie, letting your boyfriend have sex with another woman isn't being a good girlfriend, it's letting people walk all over you. An affair is not absolutely a reason to end the relationship, but it is and should be a major problem.
    I am willing to do anything in order to have the guy not leave...I try to be the perfect woman for them and they always leave anyways...my PE chases them away is the only thing that makes sense for them leaving...there are 2 ways men react to me

    1. they ignore me completely
    or
    2. they date me for a short time, have sex with me and run

    I didn't even get my first kiss until I was 18.

     
    Old 05-06-2011, 11:58 AM   #19
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    Re: Quieting a Biological Clock

    Note: I wonder how many women have had breast cancer surgery and feel deformed? Well, my aunt would be a good example. She had a radical mastectomy. But she met a good man and had a relationship that lasted over 15 years. It only ended because he suffered a massive stroke.

    Last edited by moderator2; 05-06-2011 at 02:20 PM. Reason: please do not post a commercial website

     
    Old 05-06-2011, 12:06 PM   #20
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    Re: Quieting a Biological Clock

    I've looked for forums on Pectus Excavatum and you have to pay to be on all of them...I can't afford that with no income...and I can't get a job because I'm not qualified to do anything...my PE has disqualified me from everything and has taken away every chanse that I had of having anything (a good job, friends, a husband, a baby, basically a future).

     
    Old 05-06-2011, 12:52 PM   #21
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    Re: Quieting a Biological Clock

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ratties View Post
    I am willing to do anything in order to have the guy not leave...I try to be the perfect woman for them and they always leave anyways...my PE chases them away is the only thing that makes sense for them leaving...there are 2 ways men react to me

    1. they ignore me completely
    or
    2. they date me for a short time, have sex with me and run

    I didn't even get my first kiss until I was 18.
    That may be your problem. No one can force someone to stay with them. And there may be something you're doing that's chasing them away and I don't think it's your PE. It's easy to blame everything on your PE. But I'm pretty sure your negativity and needy attitude is where the blame should be put. If you can't fix the PE now, why not fix the things that you DO have control over?

    And if you didn't know you had the PE until you applied to the army, I'm sure it's not as noticeable as you think it is! I just Googled PE and guess what? My current guy has this! And I'm not scared of this, chased away by it, or any of the other excuses you THINK is going on in your situation. And trust me, he's not stopping his life because of it! I actually like it . I always place my hand on his chest and trace it with my fingers, give it a little gentle kiss, or whatever. So just consider that it may not be the PE that's chasing them away.

     
    Old 05-06-2011, 07:24 PM   #22
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    Re: Quieting a Biological Clock

    I don't try to force them to stay. I try to make them happy so they don't want to leave. My PE is what is chasing guys away. I've looked at my PE and it's digusting looking. I wasn't anything special to look at before (I'm not blessed with looked...if I were to rate myself I would say my looks are below average) but now I'm even uglier than I originally thought.

     
    Old 05-13-2011, 02:35 AM   #23
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    Re: Quieting a Biological Clock

    You say you have no skills and are unemployed. Your outlook on life is totally grim and depressing and you have obviously been hurt in the past by men which I am sure doesn't help your self esteem. The number one thing you can do to help fix your PE and your chances of having a baby (by 30 or ever) is changing your attitude!

    Stop feeling sorry for yourself and thinking the world is going to end. There are plenty of people out there with conditions much worse than your own. Take on a positive attitude, it's hard to do it when life has you so down, I know, but try to find 1 thing everyday that makes you happy or that you like about yourself.

    You are worrying over your friend who you think will hate you and stop talking to you when he gets back from his tour in the military. Your attitude might be the main reason why he is avoiding you. Not trying to sound harsh, but I have a friend who is very negative and only sees the worst in everything, it's like he sucks the energy right out of everyone around him, and nobody wants to be around a Negative Nancy. Someone else mentioned that a person who can't accept you for you (PE and all) isn't worth having around. I support my negative friend, his faults and all, though it can be a real strain on me sometimes I continually try to help him see the things that are good in his life that he should be thankful for.

    You have decent typing skills, you can spell words and function on a computer obviously if you are on this message board. I am sure that you can find SOME kind of job, which would be a start to getting your life on track. Even if it's working retail or food services....it's a paycheck and it's also a chance for insurance and a chance to meet friends and possibly people to date. Yeah, nobody wants to work a crap-o job, but it's money for now and a start. If your PE is that big of a setback for your physical self esteem, start putting some money aside for seeing a doctor about it. Big life changes don't happen overnight, but you have to start somewhere.

    As for the baby/biological clock, you should really really look into getting your life on track and focusing on your self esteem issues before you even think about having a baby. Millions of people have children after age 30! Just try to relax, and focus on you (yes even YOU have good qualities about you!) focus on getting yourself together and happy.

    Even if you have to work a crappy job for a while, you never know what might come out of it...sometimes the best things happen in places you would never think to look for them. You really have no other legitimate reason for not being able to have a baby over the age of 30 besides a nightmare you had....so just calm down, take it easy 1 day at a time. I am sure sooner or later you'll meet a guy and be blessed with children

     
    Old 05-13-2011, 09:46 AM   #24
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    Re: Quieting a Biological Clock

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Skyy 76 View Post
    You are worrying over your friend who you think will hate you and stop talking to you when he gets back from his tour in the military. Your attitude might be the main reason why he is avoiding you. Not trying to sound harsh, but I have a friend who is very negative and only sees the worst in everything, it's like he sucks the energy right out of everyone around him, and nobody wants to be around a Negative Nancy. Someone else mentioned that a person who can't accept you for you (PE and all) isn't worth having around. I support my negative friend, his faults and all, though it can be a real strain on me sometimes I continually try to help him see the things that are good in his life that he should be thankful for.
    I don't tell him what is going on with me right now because I don't want anything to distract him while he is over there...the messages he keeps ignoring are "Hey just wanted to make sure you're ok, stay safe", and "haven't seen you posted in a while, wanted to see how you are"...only posted when he hasn't posted in 2 or more weeks and he comes on shortly after and responds to everyone else's superficial posts of "Hey I'm pregnant" or "Hey I'm getting married" and ignores my posts...my posts to him aren't negative....I can only try to fool myself by telling myself he is just too busy for so long (because if that were the fact, he wouldn't have time to respond to everyone else's posts)...and have to face the fact that he hates me. And I don't blame him one little bit.

     
    Old 05-13-2011, 02:05 PM   #25
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    Re: Quieting a Biological Clock

    Did you do something to him that would make him hate you? It's a pretty strong word and I doubt that is the case. I wouldn't get to worked up about it until he gets back, obviously he means a lot to you so I am sure you can work through whatever might be wrong and salvage the friendship. I definitely would not let communication via ******** judge if he hates you because he ignores posts you make. Just take it 1 step at a time, wait til he comes back just play things casual and cool for now.

     
    Old 05-13-2011, 07:24 PM   #26
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    Re: Quieting a Biological Clock

    No, the only thing I did was fail to enlist...what else am I suppose to think when he comments to everyone else's remarks and mine are the only ones left uncommented on...

    yeah he does mean a lot to me, he was my first kiss and my first love...

     
    Old 05-13-2011, 07:25 PM   #27
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    Re: Quieting a Biological Clock

    Well, maybe he just feels a little awkward about you, and the fact that he had to leave you behind.

    Get yourself together first. Then you'll get a good man.

     
    Old 05-13-2011, 09:07 PM   #28
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    Re: Quieting a Biological Clock

    I'm not sure if that's it...he talks to a lot of his exes...one he was engaged to and he still talks to her...

    I don't feel like I deserve anything...I messed up but there isn't a way to fix it.

     
    Old 05-14-2011, 11:11 AM   #29
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    Re: Quieting a Biological Clock

    I had my first child at 31 and am working on #2 soon. Also have a step daughter. You are not old, I have a ton of friends who have had healthy children in their late 30's.

    Also, there is something more to your story when it comes to a job. You said you can't even be a cashier because you got fired. You don't just get fired for no reason. Did you do something that got you fired from your jobs?
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    Last edited by Belly Kelly; 05-14-2011 at 11:20 AM.

     
    Old 05-14-2011, 12:03 PM   #30
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    Re: Quieting a Biological Clock

    When I got fired, the reasons they gave is that I was rude to customers, and didn't bag the groceries right. Both are untrue, I was never rude to customers, in fact I was the only cashier who checked customer's eggs for them to make sure their eggs weren't broken and if they were I called a CSS (customer Service Supervisor) to get the customer a new carton of eggs, always asked if they found everything they needed and if not, I would let them know where in the store the item was that they couldn't find for the next time they came in...As far as bagging went, I bagged canned items together, eggs separately sometimes with bread and that was it...cold items together, box items together...soaps were always put in their own bags away from food products to avoid any contamination...if anything was wrong I did my best to fix it, or for problems that I didn't have the authority to fix, I called a supervisor or a manager. But my efforts apparently weren't good enough and I was still fired. (btw it was Walmart that fired me so now it's even harder for me to find work)

    edited to add, that another reason they gave is that I was tired...and I will admit that I was tired, my grandma had just come home from the nursery home where she was recovering from a blotched stint surgery where her artery burst and she went into cardiac arrest...resulting in bed sores (because the hospital didn't have her on the correct mattress when she was in a coma for a few weeks because they had to cut her open to manually massage her heart when it stopped and there was swelling and her left foot being cut off)...she was just learning how to get around in the wheelchair so I was working 9 hours then going home, cleaning the house and making dinner and taking care of her (when she was just started to cook again, she nearly set the house on fire twice)...plus I was doing all the yard work, taking care of my pets as well as my grandpa's pets. and had insomnia (only getting 1-2 hours of sleep a night, even after taking a sleeping pill) so yeah, I was tired.

    Last edited by Ratties; 05-14-2011 at 12:07 PM.

     
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