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    Old 03-30-2006, 10:40 AM   #1
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    Menopause & Step Kids

    I wanted to start this thread to get input from anyone else out there who may be having issues with step children or blended families at a time in your life when you are dealing with peri or menopause symptoms that keep you from feeling 100%. We touched on the subject in another thread that was about our husbands and partners. It's not my intention to start a long "cliquey" thread, but to allow some discussion on how every day issues in our lives can seem overwhelming during this phase. (Thanks Mistyeyez for the suggestion )

    Personally, my DH has been very supportive. About this time last year I was going to Dr's sure that I had some horrible disease, I felt soooo ill. A few months later, my SS-18 came for a summer visit and stayed. He is the 4th (and last) of my husband's kids from a previous marriage. All of whom have been kicked out of the house by their mother (usually at age 16-17) because she didn't want to deal with them anymore.

    I could write pages about our situation, but will keep it short and to the point (hopefully!) Basically, SS is a good kid with a few faults. Unfortunately for him, because he came to us for his senior year in HS and because he is shy, he hasn't made friends. He has a part time job at the moment, but basically only works about 10 hrs a week. So he is ALWAYS at home. And because we have had problems with other SK's, we don't feel we can leave overnight or vacation. He is very reclusive and not engaged with me at all, and barely with his Dad. Because he just "stayed" this summer, there was no real discussion about "this is how it's going to be when you live here". His Dad just wants things to be happy (since he missed many years raising him) and not to be negative.

    I'm a very private person and certainly do not feel comfortable talking about ANYTHING to do with my peri symptoms in front of SS. I just have an unease about having him around so much, like a guest that has stayed too long. I just have this irritability on the surface so much of the time that I never had before. It's irrational. I even told my Mom about my concerns of germs when SS touches food in the fridge or uses utensils without washing properly and she thought I was a little overboard. I spend waaaaaaay too much time thinking about stuff like that (and many other similar type things).

    Here's one of my new "coping tools". I think "What would my husband do?" Like if a cereal spoon is left on the counter after he's gone off to school. My husband would pick it up and put it in the dishwasher AND would have forgotten about it before he even left the kitchen. Why can't I be more like that? Oh yeah....could it be my hormones are whacked out??

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    Old 03-30-2006, 12:33 PM   #2
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    Re: Menopause & Step Kids

    I can't help but laugh, because I went through that and it wasn't a stepkid, it was with my own son! It is definately your hormones. I didn't want my son in the kitchen or around stuff. I would run to make him a sandwich or whatever he wanted because I didn't want him to touch the bread! lol! I went through a period where I didn't know what was wrong with me and I knew nothing about peri-menopause. I wish I had found this board about 7 years ago. If you don't have one, find you a female doctor that you like and feel comfortable discussing this stuff with. Advice I wish someone had given me 7 years ago. I have just now found one that knows her stuff after suffering through doctors that were some total buffoons (male) !

    Old 03-30-2006, 12:41 PM   #3
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    Re: Menopause & Step Kids

    oh it is hormones !!
    I am in the same boat.
    I was forced into menopause about 11 months ago at the age of 39 due to Adenomyosis (internal Endo) and PCOS and severe case of Pelvic Congestion syndrome.
    I have 2 kids of my own. My daughter who is 19 and my son who is 20. I also have 2 step kids, a boy age 6 and a girl age 9....let me tell you I HAVE NO PATIENCE !!! Actualy my step son is great !! He is a cutie !! He even writes me love letters !! LOL He says he is my boyfriend TOO CUTE !! Yet he is a little cry baby at times..he needs to toughen up a step daughter OMG like night and day !! I swear she is the girl from the Exorcist !! Her head even spins.LOL ABSOLUTELY NO PATIENCE !! I think she was born with PMS.
    I tend to loose it quickly with them. I pop alot of Xanax due to that.LOL I have to, I need to keep my sanity. It has deffinately gotten alot worse since my hyst.

    I also was babysitting my nephews the other day and I thought I was gonna kill one of them.
    It is deffinately hormones. I tend to snap alot quicker now. Even at the hubby !! I have snapped at my parents too. I know that I am bitchy since the surgery. I dont even want to be around me at times. I know it is me the majority of the time.

    Are you on any form of HRT or anything??

    Old 03-30-2006, 03:29 PM   #4
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    Re: Menopause & Step Kids

    Thanks for the replies and input - at least I can feel like I'm not completely crazy!

    I started using bioidentical hormones a few months ago. I noticed some improvements right away, but have had a few bumpy parts along the way. I think it was caused from stress, which affect our hormones. Last November, my husband took a job promotion which meant he had to live away from home during the week for almost 3 months This was an extremely challenging position for me and I have to say he wasn't all that sympathetic. He just didn't get why that would bother me. Oh well, I'm way past that now. I had a 2nd saliva hormone test about a month ago and my estrogen and testosterone were high, while progesterone and DHEA were normal (I was way low in all hormones in my first test almost a year ago). So I'm about 2 weeks into a new compound of hormones. I think my anxiety level has definitely improved; I'm almost able to reason things out. I just feel generally blah most days and moody now close to my periods.

    Old 04-01-2006, 11:06 AM   #5
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    Re: Menopause & Step Kids

    Oh man how did I miss seeing this, lol!

    Sometimes the mere *thought* of my stepkids invading is enough to put me over the edge... then I feel soooo guilty. I hold so much of this inside because I know it's irrational and hormonal and I do not want the kids to think it's them... even though they can be really bratty due to guilt parenting on the part of both their parents.

    My SD is 13 and her hormones are just starting to kick in as my are going out... how lucky are we?

    I laughed so hard about the kitchen thing!! My husband calls me the "Kitchen ****" But it's true.... I hate people messing up the kitchen.... it's like some kind of weird obsession.

    Old 04-02-2006, 05:14 PM   #6
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    Re: Menopause & Step Kids

    You know, I think part of it is just wanting to have some control in our lives. We're all mature women with lots of life experiences. I thought I could handle pretty much anything (after all there were 3, count them 3 sk's who came before) and then "wham" out of the blue, something is happening so radically to my body! I can't control it! And I certainly don't want anyone thinking I can't have control over something.

    I hear ya' on the kitchen thing. It's like it's my own personal space, when it really isn't. And I get so offended when s*** is just left for someone else (aka ME) to deal with.

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