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My Premenopausal Mother

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Old 07-10-2006, 06:01 AM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 1
Taurus1990 HB User
My Premenopausal Mother

I've only just found this website and I'm so glad that I did! I've been looking for a forum where I can ask questions and I hope this is it!
I'm only 16 and just getting used to the idea of menstruation and now I'm being faced with my mother and the menopause.
I would just like to know what's going on with her just now, she's being extremely secretive and hostile, I really don't know how to approach her anymore. Is there any way that I can assure her that I'm here for her and that although this is happening to her she is not alone? How do I tackle a situation where her and my dad are arguing and they ask me to take sides? Do I side with her even though I know she is wrong which would make my dad look more wrong than he is or do I tell her the truth and side with my dad? Will there come a time when she shouts at me the way she is arguing with my dad just now? And finally, will the fact that she's suffered from severe depression make her more fragile that other women?
I'm sorry for all the questions, but I can't ask my mother.
Please help me understand!


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Old 07-10-2006, 07:04 AM   #2
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 64
angelavan HB User
Re: My Premenopausal Mother

I really feel for you. My mother was always depressed as I grew up, but when she started to go through the change she was very hard to talk to. She was usually always right. I was a teen when she started the change and I do not think she had any idea of what was going on. She had a total hysterectomy before she reached total menopause. Having the hysterectomy threw her into total menopause w/ deep depression. She would not stay on her meds. I am now starting to go through menopause so I have a little idea of what she was going through. You might want to talk w/ your dad. He needs to get information about menopause and depression. Has your mom gone to the Dr? Is she on meds? How old is your mom? I'm afraid you are going to need all patients you can get. After you and your dad get information on menopause you may want to sit down with her and let her know you are both there for her.

Old 07-10-2006, 08:24 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,062
Belle2003 HB User
Re: My Premenopausal Mother

It is wrong for your mom or dad to ask you to take sides. I have done this myself with my own daughters and they have called me on it. When I have done it they would say something like the following:

1) Mom, I am your daughter and you should not put me in the middle of your fight with Dad. This is between just you and him and I should be left out of it.
2) It is wrong to tell your personal problems to your kid. You should not be telling me this.

These statements stopped me dead in my tracks. It made me think and then feel bad because they were right.

You can try saying something like my kids have and see if your mom and dad stop putting you in the middle.

You can recommend to your dad to purchase these two books for your mom . They have really helped a lot of people on this board. The first is by Anne Gittleman, called "Before the change, taking care of your perimenopause"
And "What your doctor may not tell you about premenopause" by Dr. John Lee. When it comes to premenopause doctors don't do much to help. These books tell you what you can do for yourself at home (vitamins, supplements, exercise, etc.) to help alleviate premenopause symptoms.

If your mom sees a doctor for her depression and gets medication and she tries the things suggested in the books for premenopause, then she should start feeling better.

I know what you are going through because my mom too suffered from severe depression. I hope she feels better soon.

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