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I am Back, the man that posted previously

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Old 03-06-2007, 09:53 AM   #1
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I am Back, the man that posted previously

Hello again,
Well I am back again. Wanted to update you. So my wifes rages have settled down a bit but she is now off on this super healthy life mission. Now do not get me wrong. I am not against eating right, in fact I am quite healthy at nearly 50. Last physical was perfect. I am not a gym person but I ride a mountain bike and am a active person outside. I am 5'7" and around 150. Slim by genes so I do not have to to keep trim. We have always eaten well.

So the new rule is ALL Good Food. She has decided that she is going to be a runner. She also is now into Yoga, Health skin care products, my wife has simply gone over the top. She has always been an overachiever so when she decides she is going to do something it typically is way over the top in regards to the activity. She was the "Super Mom" for Girls Scouts" which drove the girls out of the troops as they were embarrased. She joined the board of the Swim organization that my daughters swim for which again has pushed them to the point they want to quit. Now she is forcing this health kick and running marathons down on us. You even touch on this and the Rage begins. So we walk on egg shells all the time. I am not sure what to do. I originally got down on myself thinking I was at fault and had done something to drive her to this. But I am realizing I am not at fault, something has changed with her. Less than 6 months ago Our life was a excellent solid relationship. we ate dinner together as a family every night. We laughed alot. We did things that she wanted, I wanted and the girls wanted. Then like a light switch when turning 40 she went on a 90 degree angle and her behavior and stability are gone. It appears she cares very little about what I am doing, what the girls are doing and she just simply is living a life outside our family. My Daughters are venting to me everyday and they are doing anything and everything to stay away from her. She has started taking hormones and this has started to help but man when she goes off she goes off. I am trying to keep my daughters in focus but they are teenagers going thorugh their own puberty issues. I actually had to talk my daughter through a tampon issue through the bathroom door as she was afraid to ask her Mom.

I am open to suggestions. I am really quite confused. I am afraid if I approach her with this I will get my head bit off. If I even mention anything about her going too far with this running/health thing I will be burned at the cross. She has probably spent $2000 on various running gear, hats, shoes, Ipods, Vitamins. The UPS guy is at our door everyday. I dare not question whats in the box. She spends all of her time researching better methods to run and training programs. She exercises all the time not considering how this schedule is only hers and just ignores other family needs. She has become very selfish in that regard. Her time in training keeps her away from us and our schedule is all around hers. I have now had to take on the other half of the drop off pick up programs for the girls and after school activities. She complains that business is slow so she spends important time at the gym. then comes home as says we have to watch finances when she should be out working rather than exercising.

Sorry to Rant here. I am running out of ways to manage this.

Thanks for letting a man drop by this forum.

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Old 03-06-2007, 12:17 PM   #2
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Re: I am Back, the man that posted previously

I don't think I have any wonder suggestion for you but wanted to say glad you feel you can come here on this board.

Have you talked to her Dr about all this - he may be able to help medically.
If you are really desperate then you could show her your posting which will emphasize just how bad things are but you would have to be prepared for meltdown.

I wonder if its not just hormonal but mid life crisis - decided she wants to do what she wants before she is too old etc etc the old old story from both male and female.

Has your wife always been prone to rages or is this something entirely new in which case again it could be medical and might need investigating.

Maybe you and your daughters united together could instigate a discussion about the problem or any other family who is agreed you wife has changed dramatically, bit this takes courage and determination and is really a last resort but may make her acknowledge she has a problem for whatever reason.

As I said not much help really but just my thoughts.

Old 03-06-2007, 02:53 PM   #3
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Location: United Kingdom
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Re: I am Back, the man that posted previously

Has your wife had her menopause levels tested??

I am 41 years old and have been told that I am in the menopause!!

I am like a mad woman, I don't know what to do when I am having a real bad day I feel like I could kill, and I feel so low with lots of crying.

I do hope you all get to the bottom of all this and get back to being a happy family again!!

take care...Mandy

Old 03-06-2007, 03:53 PM   #4
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Re: I am Back, the man that posted previously

Gavi and Mad Maz,

Thanks for the responses. I appreciate it. I am really trying to find some sort of level ground. I came on here as these things are not eaily discussed in your circle of friends just for reasons of trust. I fully understand this is a very sensitive issue which I REALLY do not want to have get worse.

Answering a few questions. My wife, in our near 20 years of marriage, has never had rages. matter of fact we are constantly praised that we are role models as people have always stated we have the perfect relationship. We never fight, very seldom ever argue. So this 180 swap has caught me way off guard and I struggle to understand how to communicate with her about it.

She went for her physical ~ 4 months ago and the doc has prescribed hormones for her but she originally refused to take them and I dare not even mention it. I check the package and she seems to be taking them, but not sure how religiously. Her rages are amazing as we can be sitting on the couch together very calm watching a movie together and then she gets up and walks the house and then starts yelling at everyone to clean up after themselves, slamming dishes, slamming doors then 30 minutes later it is like it never happened and she is smiling at me saying I am so "Handsome".... Sorry not making fun just thought the spinning eye thing was warranted.

I think the most interesting thing is this all happened in a 3-4 month span. Turning 40 to her was HUGE.....Like the world was going upside down. So it could be a crisis coupled with menopause which is why I came to the forum to see if this is a common scenario or at least similiar events. I know some of this is definitely hormonal as she has flashes,sweats and rages for no reason. The running, health kick, skin care over the top behavior leads me to mid life crisis. She has also gone on this trek of trying to locate old friends from high school and establish friendships again. I think our oldest daughter entering high school this year started this.

For me, I am really a level headed very calm person. I have great patience and I can see this is going to be required. I am stuck between puberty and menopause as someone once wrote. But it is hard to cope with this. We have always shared responsibilities in our relationship so this is not like she was a stay at home mom and never got out. I do laundry, cook dinner 2-4 times a week, clean toilets, Vacuum. I even keep the toilet seat down(Hows that for well trained). I make the bed when I am last one out of it, Our house is impeccably clean. I run daughters back and forth and go to open houses. I am very involved in my daughters lifes and we have a close relationship which I am thankful for now as they run to me to take cover.

We tried one time to have a family chat and that went sideways before I even finished the first sentence. So I am reluctant to enter that arena again. I get the " Why are you insecure I am doing something with my life" or the 'You guys all need to eat better, I am not going to take care of you later when we retire if you are not healthy" or the "I do everything around here"(that is usually is followed by an apology as she knows better)

So in the end I am letting her do her thing because I love her and want her to come to terms and achieve what she feels is important to her only I am finding proper times to slip in the "Do not forget about us" one liners.

All I can say for all you women that are experiencing this change, Please do not forget that your husband and children Love you.... we just have no idea how to deal with this.

Old 03-08-2007, 06:56 AM   #5
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Re: I am Back, the man that posted previously

Hang in there you sound like you are doing everything you can and have already tried all we have suggested.

Hopefully this will make you smile, a friend of mine who is 43 and everything is going wonky with her said to me recently.

All women on their 40th birthday should have all their bits removed and then be locked up for 3 years to get over the hormonal hell that would follow!.

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