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  • How does your spouse handle menopause?

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    Old 03-13-2008, 09:08 AM   #1
    san8360
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    How does your spouse handle menopause?

    Just curious on how other husbands are dealing with their wife's menopause.
    My husband is fine as long as it doesn't stop me from doing what he wants me to do! ha ha Serious now, how do you get your husbands to understand what your going through? Mine doesn't even want to read up on it to understand, as far as he is concerned it is in my head. Help!

    Last edited by san8360; 03-13-2008 at 09:10 AM. Reason: spelling

     
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    Old 03-13-2008, 11:15 AM   #2
    mcdowell
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    Re: How does your spouse handle menopause?

    I'm glad to say I have a wonderful husband, he's been with me a long time, highschool sweethearts, he's seen my good and bad days, ups and downs and has been my helper and listener, especially since my mom passed away 4years ago. He wants me better as much as I do, he misses the old me and so do I. He reads alot of these posts with me and trys to suggest things for me to try, as he knows my system seems to reject everything, but we keep trying together, and he prays for me all the time, and we pray together,I need it. I'm sure you ladies have wonderful husbands also who want to see you well again.

     
    Old 03-13-2008, 12:38 PM   #3
    JudeNZ
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    Re: How does your spouse handle menopause?

    Interesting that your two girls hae husbands at different ends of the spectrum. Maybe one is in denial as that's easier than dealing with it.

    I've had both experiences. My ex husband had neither sympathy nor understanding for me at all, and when it first hit I was such a mess, I tried to keep some things hidden from him. He told me I was abnormal for not wanting to be working full time like other women did. He had no comprehension that for me part time was all I could manage with my anxiety. Nor did he actually acknowledge the fact I did work part time and help out. He earned good money and we didn't need a full time wage from myself. When we separated he told me I was obsessed with my health. He was right, but if he'd taken the time to listen to me and support me he may have felt differently.

    I was never going to remarry, then along came mr Right.... at 52 I met my other half. We got married last October and he so good to me. He listens and supports me, doesn't really understand I know, but is always there for me. Does not begrudge me a dollar on health if it'll help me, and wants to see me on top of things again. Is grateful I work part time, and no way will he have me working full time. He likes me to be the home maker, and happily supports me if there's a shortfall, although I do pay my share. I'm so happy and content and now i want to be in top form again.

    Jude

     
    Old 03-14-2008, 12:14 AM   #4
    rheanna
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    Re: How does your spouse handle menopause?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JudeNZ View Post
    Interesting that your two girls hae husbands at different ends of the spectrum. Maybe one is in denial as that's easier than dealing with it.
    san8360,

    JudeNZ has a point. Some people would rather not deal with health issues because it makes them feel too helpless. Many men won't even go to their doctors for their own health problems unless their wives force them to. And many men prefer action (problem solving) to talking about something without coming to a conclusion. We women tend to want to talk about our concerns. Solutions are important, of course, but many of us also want to talk about how we feel. A lot of men don't understand that sometimes a hug or a bit of sympathy is what we need -- many men view that as a waste of time -- it's not getting anything fixed, so why waste time on it???

    This is a gross stereotype, of course, since not all men are alike, and not all women are alike. I now have a sweety for a husband, whom I found after I threw away my unsympathetic first husband, just like JudeNZ. But my current sweety has needed a bit of "training" to point out to him that not all interactions between us have to be about finding a solution. I have learned to be direct with him and say "I need a hug because I'm stressed" or "I need to talk". He doesn't always understand what this "talking" is about, but he has learned to sit down and shut up and put a blank look on his face while I chatter on and work out what's bugging me.

    Your hubby may or may not be "trainable". Some people just don't want to deal with unpleasant issues -- perhaps they're scared that paying attention to it will make it happen. But my guess is that you're more likely to get positive results if you're direct -- give him something specific to do -- "give me a hug", "please bring the fan down from the attic because my hot flashes are driving me nuts even though it's snowing outside", "got a moment? please sit down and shut up and listen while I complain about my day". If you can get the last one to work, you're doing well. If not, then you've got us to complain to.

    --Rheanna

     
    Old 03-18-2008, 11:30 AM   #5
    MBunny
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    Re: How does your spouse handle menopause?

    You girls with the understanding husbands are blessed. Mine was OK with it for a while...now he has had it. I wish he would read up on the subject, but he won't. Pretty much says it's in my head! Maybe if I would just go back to doing everyhting like before and not thinking about it...it will go away! Unfortunatly, I have had probably 30 of the 37 symptoms on and off for the past 3 years. I hope the end is coming soon. I have only skipped one period so far! Great! I was blessed to find this site and greatful for all the posts. Everyones words help! Especially on those crazy panic days! This is the first post I have ever written. Just wanted to vent about the hubby! Wish so much that he could understand. Do they really think we want to feel this way? Happy Easter to everyone! Thanks for listening!

     
    Old 03-18-2008, 12:29 PM   #6
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    Re: How does your spouse handle menopause?

    Hi Ladies: I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. My hubby is as supportive as he can be. He also realizes that he's not always going to "get it", when I am having a bad day, week, etc. I think the key to getting the support we need from our men is to communicate, not just what we are feeling, but to try to educate them about why we feel it.

    Most men don't really want to know, but I know mine at least is willing to listen. I also have been living with a chronic illness that has changed my ability to function physically on a day to day basis. I think the beginning years of my illness were a perfect "training ground" for the craziness of menopause. It kind of forced us both to step back, take a look at our lives and our priorities, and learn how to adapt.

    I've actually printed out relevant info on peri and meno, and sat down and read and discussed it with him. I know I am truly blessed that he is so willing to learn. 20 years ago, I don't think he would have responded the same way.

    I agree with Jude and Rheanna about being direct. Men tend to be oblivious about emotional issues. They are just not wired the same way we are. And let's face it, society doesn't help! They're told from childhood that emotion equals weakness. I guess my hubby is slowly learning that it's not weak to make the effort to understand.

    Even with a supportive partner, this board is a great place to learn and share. So I hope everyone keeps reading and posting. We all understand, even if the men don't! God Bless, cmpgirl

     
    Old 04-28-2008, 01:50 PM   #7
    silicone
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    Re: How does your spouse handle menopause?

    When my significant other of over 30 years said he just wanted his best friend (me) back the way she used to be, I told him that under no circumstances did I want back that handsome young buck I fell in love with all that time ago. Something about that hazy foggy lens of memory obscuring the fact that we were both naive, unworldly, immature, and sometimes darn right stupid! Not going back to that, no thanks.

    I finally got it out of him (what's that phrase? something about pulling teeth...) about what really bothers him about watching me go through this. It reminds him that he's getting old too.

    First time in a long time that I've been speechless.

    Last edited by silicone; 04-28-2008 at 01:51 PM.

     
    Old 05-15-2008, 06:16 PM   #8
    Puddin
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    Re: How does your spouse handle menopause?

    Okay, I thought for a second to keep my thoughts to myself. But at this "stage" in my life, I've decided to jump in here. And I tend to ramble, so I apologize in advance. I've been married for almost 32 years (I'm 53-he's 54 1/2). I was brought up not to talk back to my parents, so that worked out fine for the first shall we say 25 years. He kept telling me that he wasn't my father and didn't expect for me to "follow orders, etc." Over the years I loosened up somewhat, but he was still comfortable 'cause I basicly kept my mouth shut. But now it's like "LOOK OUT, KATIE-BAR THE DOOR!!!" I've been warming up for probably 5 years or so now. He can't handle it. I try really hard (honest) to let things slide, but this menopause thing just won't let me. I keep my mouth shut as long as I can and then I virtually explode!!! He's always done things that drive me nuts. Now he's finding out about them. He just retired a couple of weeks ago where his ego was stroked regularly. I'm not the one he can depend on to stroke it now. Not until it's justified. He keeps saying that it's not what I say to him, it's how I say it. I can be angry all I want but just don't use that "tone". I've decided that if he doesn't like the tone I use with him, don't do things to make me angry. Let's just say, so far, menopause and hubby's retirement are not a good combination. On the lighter side, he and my older son just left today for the Grand Canyon and won't be back until next Saturday--late!!!!

     
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