It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Menopause Message Board

  • No sexual desire

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 03-20-2002, 12:20 PM   #1
    newmexico
    Newbie
     
    newmexico's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2002
    Posts: 2
    newmexico HB User
    Post No sexual desire

    This is a difficult post so I will do the best I can....I am 48 and my x-wife is 54. We were divorced 3 years ago....married 17 years and no children.

    At that time and many years before she was probably going through menopause earlier than she realized. She says that this was a major cause of her diminished to
    non-existant desire and lack of interest in sex. This she realizes somehwhat in hindsight.

    We have given thought to getting back together, however, as of the last time I talked to her, she said she would be happy being celibate. I aksed her whether she has any thoughts that are sexual in nature and she has said no.....and I admit that this is a difficult concept for me to grasp....because I don't know whether it is just "mental",physical, or most likely a combination of both.

    My question is what feedback do you have for when a couple is married and this happens. Does one person just then go totally without sex for the rest of their lives because something has changed with the other person. I guess it happens both ways, male and female.

    She went to a therapist early on about her feelings and her therapist said that she anything she does not want to do...but I guess I was a little taken back because it took me totally out of the picuture and allowed for no compromise, or solution...it was as almost as if I tried to be sexual and she was not feeling that way, it was tantamount to rape...very hard to understand and deal with...

    Looking back I think we had a very bad therapist, but we are where we are at today....

    How did you deal with this or similar situation? Did you just give up on sex? Any suggestions or advice or input?

    Ladies have you felt the same way? How does your partner react...what do you do?

    Men, what did you partner do, or did you just give up?

    I still feel that sexuality and intimacy (of course two different things, but connected) are very important to me.
    Any suggestions, or similar situations........

    And just so you know I might post a few polls just to get an idea of whether this has
    occured.........it is a very serious issue for both her and I....

    Thanks




     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 03-20-2002, 03:13 PM   #2
    lsm2000l
    Member
     
    lsm2000l's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Sep 2001
    Location: Cleveland, Oh
    Posts: 77
    lsm2000l HB User
    Post

    I'm into menopause now but it didn't affect my desire. My husband lost his sexual desire. It may be a midlife crisis for him. He went to see Britney Spears a couple of years ago and he's only one year younger than me. I can live without the sex as long as I still get the hugs, kisses and I love you's.

     
    Old 03-25-2002, 11:50 AM   #3
    lizwolf
    Newbie
     
    lizwolf's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2002
    Location: Harker Heights, TX USA
    Posts: 6
    lizwolf HB User
    Post

    I'm 46F and have lost my sex drive years ago. Practically overnight I went from wild cat to roadkill. Along with it came the ugly feelings towards people, anxiety attacks, panic attacks and a whole gamut of other, seemingly unrelated complaints.

    However, I realize now, after much thinking and years of hell, that my husband is a man, and always will be one ... So occasionally, when I remember, I will give the old signal and will give him the time of my day.

    Very, very rarely, I feel a bit of interest, and then I check with him if he's available for a bit more added fun (my interest)

    It's been tough, mostly on him. To top all this off, we have been thinking I am having mental problems - menopause never dawned on us until today!

    Regardless of the cause or reason - we have handled the loss of interest in the same way we have stayed together for 25 years: with love, patience, tolerance and a bit of humor (mostly on his part!). When I get in a bad mood/vile temper, he leaves me be, when I get amorous, he endulges me gladly (Sometimes there are matters of minutes inbetween!).

    For whatever this is worth... I don't think we women can help it. Each of us seems to go through it differently, but it is physical, it is real, even if doctors first think it's mental.



     
    Old 03-25-2002, 12:07 PM   #4
    lizwolf
    Newbie
     
    lizwolf's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2002
    Location: Harker Heights, TX USA
    Posts: 6
    lizwolf HB User
    Post

    I'm 46F and have lost my sex drive years ago. Practically overnight I went from wild cat to roadkill. Along with it came the ugly feelings towards people, anxiety attacks, panic attacks and a whole gamut of other, seemingly unrelated complaints.

    However, I realize now, after much thinking and years of hell, that my husband is a man, and always will be one ... So occasionally, when I remember, I will give the old signal and will give him the time of my day.

    Very, very rarely, I feel a bit of interest, and then I check with him if he's available for a bit more added fun (my interest)

    It's been tough, mostly on him. To top all this off, we have been thinking I am having mental problems - menopause never dawned on us until today!

    Regardless of the cause or reason - we have handled the loss of interest in the same way we have stayed together for 25 years: with love, patience, tolerance and a bit of humor (mostly on his part!). When I get in a bad mood/vile temper, he leaves me be, when I get amorous, he endulges me gladly (Sometimes there are matters of minutes inbetween!).

    For whatever this is worth... I don't think we women can help it. Each of us seems to go through it differently, but it is physical, it is real, even if doctors first think it's mental.



     
    Old 03-25-2002, 03:55 PM   #5
    bjg
    Senior Veteran
     
    bjg's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Aug 2001
    Posts: 610
    bjg HB User
    Post

    sex is a big issue ...sounds like you guys just have totally different needs..but there is no problem here..you are divorced...you got divorced for a reason...you need to bag any thoughts of reconciling and go on with your own lives..the person who feels the need for sex needs for find someone who is able to meet that need..its really simple..it would be a problem only if you were still a married couple.........

     
    Old 05-16-2002, 08:12 PM   #6
    pennilover
    Newbie
     
    pennilover's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Apr 2001
    Location: Toronto, Canada
    Posts: 7
    pennilover HB User
    Angry

    in response to your query about loss of sex drive in menopause, I find mine has been overwhelmingly absent. I recently discovered that my life & that of my poor husband is a living hell! at times. I want to be involved but just don't really think or feel to much about sex anymore. I have heard that there are some herbs & vitamins(like B complex that may possibly help. If anyone has any suggestions I'm open for them! I guess I'm lucky I have a patient hubby.

     
    Old 05-22-2002, 06:13 AM   #7
    HDChick10
    Newbie
     
    HDChick10's Avatar
     
    Join Date: May 2002
    Location: Wood Dale, Il US
    Posts: 9
    HDChick10 HB User
    Post

    I'm 39 and I too, have lost the desire for sex. I was involved with someone for four years (engaged for nearly 2). Our sex life was and still is always incredible. I couldnt get enough of it with him. Then all of a sudden, about 6-9 months ago, I lost the desire. I mean, I have absolutely no interest what-so-ever. It has caused us big problems. So much so, that we split up in March, and after 2 months, tried to get back together. We are still working on it, but it doesnt look promising. I know sex is a big part of a relationship, but its not the only thing. It seems the more important he makes it, the less I want it. I know its hard on him, and I truly understand. But what he (and you) need to understand is that it is not in our control. Believe me, we enjoy(ed) it as much as men do. But something is going on with our bodies that is making us feel this way. You have to understand that as much as this change is an inconvenience to you (the man), for us, its totally freaky. Our bodies and minds are changing right before our eyes and we have absolutely not control over it. It really kinda sucks. I know I haven't really answered any major questions for you, but I guess what I tried to offer is the "other side".

    I hope everything works out for you.

    Chick

     
    Old 05-24-2002, 01:08 AM   #8
    action
    Member
     
    action's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Nov 2001
    Location: Australia
    Posts: 78
    action HB User
    Post

    I think my husband wishes that my sex drive would take a dive! We're both 53 but I have the hormones and he doesnt

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    Sexual desire and depression meds sophie56 Depression 17 06-25-2008 08:03 AM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:23 PM.





    © 2022 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!