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Old 09-02-2003, 10:38 PM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 93
manofthemoment HB User
Post Att: Darkfur

Hi mate.Ive been following your topics on here closely as i feel that in many ways im going though silimar thoughts and feelings you have gone though.Im 29 years old have 2 decended testicals but they never grew correctly and a sperm check showed that the sperm count was nil.Even though i have 2 testicals they are very small in size and i have never felt like that i was normal.For many years i was angry and bitter and i would always look for new ways on how to make them appear larger and things like that.
Just curious on what sort of emmotions you had and how you delt with them.But im mainly writting this to you to let you know that your not alone and im happy to talk to you about these things and help you with any concerns or questions you may have.

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Old 09-03-2003, 02:35 PM   #2
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 340
Darkfur HB User


I noticed this post last night and was quite surprised to come across someone who might feel as I do. I slept on it and still didn't know what to say! I started typing out a couple of messages, but I could not find the right words.

To put it briefly: I certainly wouldn't mind sharing my experience with you, and would like to hear more about your own!

I just remembered a post I wrote up on August 25th. I was going to put it in my "testicular implant" thread in Men's Sexual Health but decided against it. I was feeling particularly bad that day. I started writing the message and for the most part, the letters seemed to flow onto the screen.

So, if it is all right with everyone, I will just insert the message as originally planned right below this one. When I was proofreading it this afternoon, I was in tears at the end. Oh yeah, that's me all right.

The one thing I didn't mention in the next post is how I miss my undescended testicle. For the few people in real life that know of my problem, I joke about it "My boss has got me by the ball" but I can't just break down in tears about it in front of them. I almost did that one night last month when I first told my friend about my problem.

Maybe I'm just a wimp or something, but I have never felt like a "real man" at any point in my life. It has made me a social coward. I avoid meeting girls at every opportunity it seems. For the longest time, I thought I could never pleasure them with my 4.5 inch penis, and that my scrotum (as useless in the sex act as it is) was a joke. Was I really afraid of being laughed at by a girl? I can't answer for certain.

This might be the reason I am looking to get my left nut lowered to its proper place and getting an implant as well: to be a man. I don't know. I look at my nearly-empty sack in the mirror and imagine what it would look like to have balls inside it, hanging at the bottom of it (even small ones) and I feel anxious joy about getting these surgeries.

I still do not know the true size of my left testicle. When I do wrangle it up into a roundish-shape, it's not entirely feelable. Neither me nor the doctor can feel the epididymis, which leads me to believe there's a portion of my ball yet to be seen. If that's true, I hope I haven't "bent" my nut through getting it to look larger by wrangling it out all these years. I don't want a kidney-shaped one!

I have a question for you, manofthemoment: How big are your balls? What shape? And do they hang at the bottom or your sack even though they are small? Sorry. I do not mean to be insensitive. I am curious! And please, feel free to write as much as you want about your feelings here. It might help you a bit to write it, and I promise I will read every word.

Here comes my longest post ever...

Old 09-03-2003, 02:38 PM   #3
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 340
Darkfur HB User

I will try to write this message without censoring or editing my thoughts.

I can't remember if it was from watching porn or seeing my friends' balls around the age of 11 that I even knew testicles existed. I have never seen my father naked. The only man's genitals I saw was when I walked into a public washroom's toliet stall because I was too shy to use the urinals. He was "using the facilities" at the time, and I got a brief glimpse of his sizeable balls resting on his closed legs before I apologized and quickly shut the stall door, and went back to the urinals.

My friends were both considerably bigger than myself, and their balls were sizeable too. It wasn't a topic of discussion really, it was just something I noticed when we would pee or "hang a wang" for no particular reason as we sometimes would do. I was not even sure if testicles grew underneath the penis, or on the sides of the legs near the penis. Sometimes together we would show each other what we have down there, and like shadow puppets, have fun with it. When it was my turn, all I did was tuck my penis between my legs and say "Look! I'm a girl!" which even then, was my roundabout way of drawing attention away from the obvious lack of testicles. I was once hit in the scrotum by my friend's cousin, and I did nothing but look at him. He was dumbfounded that I did not lean over in pain, and joked about it a bit.

Sometime in the 4th or 5th grade I remember having a doctor's appointment after school. It must have been a routine physical or something, I wasn't really sure. One of the things he did, that I do remember, was reaching his hand down my pants as I lied on the examination table and felt my penis and sack. I was alone with him and a little afraid, but he was a doctor and I trusted what he was doing. Nothing became of that visit.

At some point I noticed I did have a left testicle and enjoyed looking at it with a mirror as I masturbated. That was the only way it was noticeable, if I remember right. Later on, but I cannot remember when, I was able to notice it more just by lifting my scrotum tighter on the left side, or using the waistband of my underwear to make it stick out. I spent my teen years and my early twenties hoping each day that my right testicle would begin to grow. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I did not mention this to anyone, neither my parents or any doctor. When I was around 20 I began to carry the foolish hope that by taking no action, there would be no medical evidence of a problem, leaving the door wide open for a miracle I was certainly ready to accept. Occasionally my scrotum would appear larger on the left side. I wasn't sure why this happened, but was pleased to see my left nut larger at times.

After waking up one morning at the age of 23, with an excruciating pain in my left testicle, and a scrotum that was larger than ever before, did I finally decide something was wrong and went to see a doctor! It was an ingual hernia causing the pain, where my intestines were entering the scrotum and squashing my nut. It was during that doctor's examination that he asked me "How long have you had only one testicle?" and I really did not know what to say to him, except "well, there's something there sometimes". This "something" was found out to be a second, smaller hernia on the empty right half of the scrotum. It was discovered by the surgeon who was about to repair my larger hernia. This all happened in the course of a day. In the morning, pain. By the evening, my left ingual hernia was already repaired and I was now aware I only had one testicle.

The undescended right nut was found by ultrasound and removed in the next two months. There was some satisfaction in knowing that I always did have two balls.

Seven years later, here I am. I've lived with the results of what must be low testosterone (slight gynecomastia, loss of motivation, depression, just generally feeling bad) and it has probably affected me more than I know. Now I that I know my "weak" testosterone levels with two nuts became "low" with one nut, I'm shocked that nothing was done about this.

What wasn't anything done? I do not understand how someone like me can go so long in life without being normal! I did not know that undescended testicles were something that needed to be corrected early! I could not tug on mommy's apron and tell her my scrotum isn't full! Like I said, I didn't even knew there was such a thing as balls until I was like 11 or so! As a boy, all I saw and felt there was a loose bunch of skin, and didn't think much about it.

My father never changed diapers or bathed me, so he probably he never even seen my genitals. The only time I remember being naked in front of him was when I wanted to show him how I could hold my breath in the bathtub. He took a quick look at my trick and left the bathroom.

As for my mother, I do remember her applying cream to my sack due to a rash I got from wetting the bed when I was around 5. Surely she would have noticed something missing? She tells me now that the testes (I cannot remember if it was one or both, but if it was both, one "sort of" descended to where it is now located) were not there, then they were, then they weren't. The doctor would tell her a different thing each time it seemed, but mostly "Oh, they'll come down on their own." She said by the time I was 5 she stopped arguing about it, and time went on. No one really told her of the importance of making sure things are proper.

I assured her she did her best, and it was not her fault. I don't entirely believe that, but she feels bad too, now that I've come out into the open to her about my worries. She never knew. She must have thought I gone through puberty like every other boy. Nope, my teen years were shrouded in this shame and confusion. I was going to ask her one day (after seeing my friend's balls) if balls grew underneath the penis or on the sides of the legs, but after she shied away from me trying to get "the sex talk" from her, I decided this was a taboo subject as well and changed my mind.

Sure, I learned what balls really were as time went on, but could not understand why I didn't have both, or even one that looks normal, or "hangs" like a nice ball should. After my little ordeal when I was 23, I knew the fate of my right nut, but still did not understand why my left one was so small. Just this year did I learn it wasn't fully decended. The operation to correct and lower this (even though it will always be sterile) is going to happen, because it is free and I just want that nut to look proper. It is mine. I want to see all of it.

Still having second thoughts on the prosthetic. Search for that on these boards and you'll find instances where people say they aren't necessary. Of course they aren't. Girls don't look there intensely, and like I read in one message, it helps to tell them you have one ball before intimacy begins so they will not be confused or surprised when they see it. As far as being different goes, I imagine a girl (once finding this out) might think it "neat" to have dated a guy like me.

Today, my scrotum has been tight almost all day. I bet a large walnut could not fit inside the total volume of it. Now, do I want a piece of plastic and silicone or saline solution or whatever it is in there to be a tight little obstruction causing my "feeling" nut some undue pressure? I don't know. I'm rambling again.

The main reason I started this message is to scream WHY WAS NOTHING DONE IN THE PAST? HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW I HAD A SERIOUS PROBLEM? Oh, more than "having balls", more than "being normal", more than anything I wish I could write my younger self a serious letter, commanding him to DO SOMETHING to get this problem solved! I would have to tell him how bad it has made me feel, how angry I have been at fate for making me like this, how worthless it has made me feel - so much so that I chose to miss out on over a DECADE of sex! AARGH! Not everything can be corrected now. It's too late. Testosterone won't grow my penis and sack and testicle to their genetic potential. I can never have children. These little breast-like things should never have grown. I have been robbed of many things because of all this. I feel it has ruined my life. I cannot even be sure if all this is my depression due to low T talking, or the logical side of my brain OUTRAGED at what has become of me. NONE OF THIS SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED.

It's almost too hard to pick up like nothing was ever a problem.

Time. Everything depended on it.

I am 30 years old. I can't believe what I am writing describes my life.
Thanks for reading.

P.S. I will not edit this.

Old 09-03-2003, 10:36 PM   #4
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 93
manofthemoment HB User

Hi Darkfur.I read all your reply and here is mine and its a long one too.
Before i start i just wanted to say that i too umed and ared wheather or not to post this topic to you.But im glad now i did as i wasnt sure how you would take it.But after reading your post i see so many things that i too experianced in been angry ,guilty and always wondering.Ok here is my story.When i was about 18 i couldnt help noticing that my so called bulge when i wore jeans or tight pants was nothing compared to when freinds wore theres.I would always take a peak at men"s underwear packets and it would show a man with a full figure down below.Then here in Australia (where i live) the beach and ocean been so much apart of our culture, i was could easily go the surf and see many many guys in speedos.Each time i went i could never stop looking and was always comparing myself to these other guys.Finally one day during work i decided to pop into a health clinic near my work.I saw a Dr and i told him my concerns on how small i was.He checked me over and admitted that my testicals where quite small and seemed very bunched up.He said that there was a chance that i had a hormonal problem and a course of tablets (not sure which type) may help me finnish developing.He sent me to a specilaist and he took some blood tests and did a full check over.I also had to go and do a sperm count and to see him in a weeks time.During that time i was very excited in thinking if i could get some tablets i could grow to my normal size and i would be so happy .Dont forget im only 18 at this time and at the stage in my life where i wanted to be big and impressive ect.A week latter i went back and his news was not good.First of all he said that the sperm count was nil,and the blood test showed that my FSH? and something else was not correct.With me it appears the inner tubing of the testical never formed.So i have these tiny testicals which are useless.He said there is nothing he can do and no tablets will make any difference.He even showed me a string of models showing testicals sizing from a newborn though to teenager then menhood.I wasnt even a teenager size.My heart sank deep into my chest and i knew from there on i would never be big or normal.I pretty much keep it all to myself and spoke to noone about it.The thing in my favour was my testostone level was ok , so i grew hair and my voice broke ect.Then for many years afterwards i would always ask why did it happen to me or did i do something when i was younger that damaged them.The dr pretty much said that it was no fault of my own and it just one of those things.But like you ever since then all i have done is looked up and read and try to find some miracle cure that would grow them to normal size.Im now 29 and its true i havent made peace with it but im a lot better then i used to be.In regards to your questions i dont mind sharing that with you.My testicals are just about a jelly bean size each.They do hang down slighlty when its hot but when its cold and they are up it looks like there is nothing there.All the tubes and bits are there and look bulky as the testical has bunched them up a bit (hope that makes sense).Im sure by talking about these things it helps get worries ,concerns and angry off the chest. Hope that can be of some help to you and im happy to share or answer anything else.

Old 09-04-2003, 02:00 AM   #5
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 340
Darkfur HB User

Sorry, this next post is all over the place as ideas go:

I do understand what your testes look like now. I guess the middle bits of a testicle are what make up the bulk of it, which explains your small size. I'm sorry fate has denied you normal testicles. All those connecting tissues and things must be crowded around these little nuts and yeah, things probably look and feel a little out of order down there. It does not seem right. I am sorry.

I'm glad to hear your testosterone level is normal. Like you, I have some facial and body hair too, and a masculine voice, so no one would really suspect that I have any major problem. People have poked fun at my lame facial hair before. There isn't a great density of hairs so what I can grow satisfactorily is rather limited. Right now, I only have a moustache. It's not great, but I keep it because seeing it in the mirror reminds me I am a man.

Feeling my testicle also makes me feel male. I do have a penis of course, but it reminds me that I do not have a girlfriend, especially when I masturbate it, lol! I like my penis, but I'm not really proud of it. I imagine your erect penis is longer than 4.5 inches. (You don't need to say, but I am curious. Be proud if it's over 5.25 inches, okay? And if it's over 6 inches, then you are one lucky dog!)

I've never done anything to help my situation in the past. I never got the "miracle" I was hoping for. Things quickly feel into place in 1996, and I finally knew where I stood. I would never have kids, but babies annoyed me anyway. Too bad the nut I had was so small. No doctor back then mentioned it wasn't properly situated in the scrotum, but one did happen to mention something about its size... As I laid on my back before the ultrasound test (to find my right nut) the doctor asked me to grab my scrotum and bring everything "to the front". When I did this, he made a comment that echoes in my mind to this day: "That's it?"

Now I know about testicular implants, but never seriously considered one before. I didn't want a fake right nut that you CAN see, and a real left nut you can BARELY see. When the doctor told me that my left nut can and should be lowered, I was very happy. The implant suddenly seemed right. A pair of matching balls would be great! And then, he sort of shot that idea down quickly noting my scrotum was rather tight.

I was getting an erection as I was being examined that time, so the sack tightened a bit. The next week I made sure it was loose and asked him to check again. Now he agreed all would fit. "Would my balls hang in this?" I asked, and he said "Yes". It was hard to wipe the smile off my face, and I haven't even got the surgery booked in yet!

In your case, I feel for you. You have both balls, and they produce testosterone normally. (I didn't know balls that size could do that, but I guess that center tissue isn't the hormone-producing part of a ball.) You can't just have them taken out and replaced with prosthetics, because then your T level is shot and you'll need injections or whatever for the rest of your life. Nothing can replace T in the blood as effectively as your testicles produce it. There's lots of little side effects (like breasts) that might come with artificial testosterone - I think. Besides, they're your balls! Would you ever want to lose them on purpose?

Have you looked into prosthetic testicles at all? I don't mean lose the balls you have now - definitely keep them - but what would happen if there were little "extras" placed into your scrotum? Would they tangle things up and cause havoc for your real balls? Is such a "supplemental" implant surgery even done? If it is, you better be SURE your doctor knows not to remove your current balls, and just to add the new ones!

You say you were 18 when your problems became apparent. Did you not notice other kids in the school showers, or in pornography, or anything before that? Did you have sexual relations before then? What about after? (Sorry, more personal questions.) Has anyone you've had sexual relations with noticed your testicles? Have they said anything about them? What would you say back to them?

Oh, I find it easy to talk about my one nut here, but to mention this to a girl I want to have sex with - ugh - that's a different matter. Once she knows, they ALL will know. Girls talk. A girl asked me once if it was "normal" if her boyfriend had only one ball hanging in his sack as she gave him head. I couldn't answer her! What did I know about having two balls? I don't even have one that hangs!

I was resolved to remain a virgin because I was ashamed of my body. People make fun of things, like small penises, that the owner has no control over! Life is not fair. It's changed my outlook though. I will not make fun of someone for something they cannot change. I also see misfortunes like my own more readily. I see young people with problems which are far worse than mine, which must make finding a mate much more difficult for them, and yet they somehow manage to do it. It's got to be a mental thing.

I haven't come to terms with my loss, and getting these surgeries might be covering up the problem I should confront. But I don't care. I don't want to be like this anymore. I change my mind every other day it seems about whether to get this implant. I will see a urologist this month to learn more. Maybe his job will be to talk me out of getting the implant?

How has things been for you in the last 11 years? Have you constantly been seeking ways to increase your scrotal appearance? I'd think at some point you would just give up. Does your desire to change who you are and your acceptance of who you are come and go in shifts? I used to feel like "I am who I am, now go find a girlfriend" at times. Other times, I felt like "Why oh why did this happen to me?" and shaking that feeling can be difficult!

Wow. I think I got a lot out of my system tonight.

Old 09-04-2003, 03:08 AM   #6
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 93
manofthemoment HB User

I know it may sound strange but up till i was 18 i never thought that my testicals were too small.I always had it in my mind that i was still growing and that the testicals would catch up in size.Also in my growing up years i was never in a locker room or showers with other guys as here in Oz our schools do things alot differently.

Over the teenage years i did see porn movies and pictures like any other growing males but i never took a real lot of notice of the testicals.I did see them yes but thought that just one day mine would be the same.

In regards to implants and all those things...........yes i have thought about them zillions and zillions of times.I tried to look up information about them on the net but there is very little on them.For many years now i have always wondered what would it be like to have a full sack that fills up the underwear.I even tried all different types of briefs and underwear to see which one held the goods up better then the others.

Im happy with my penis size and when erect it is just on 6.5 , which makes it a average size i guess.

In regards to sex and being with other people.I have only been with a male as that is all im interested in now.At one time he did see me naked and said nothing about it and made no reference to my undersized testicals.I know your interested in meeting a woman and starting a relationship and i do believe that will happen for you.Most woman fall in love with the man they see and his personilty.I guess maybe after you have your operation it will give you a confidence boost.

Im still interested in discussing more about this topic on here as i have heaps of questions too.But if you find it uncomfortable now to talk about this matter because im gay guy i understand if you wish to end this topic.I will leave that choice up to you.

Old 09-04-2003, 12:27 PM   #7
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 340
Darkfur HB User

I have no problem with you being gay. I already knew you were because I searched for some of your old posts here. I wanted to know more about you before I replied. You've been here for some time now, seeking ways to improve your appearance. I carefully worded my questions to omit any implied sexuality, one way or the other.

There was one guy I used to work with who I suspect was gay. He'd often joke around with me because I was honest with him and was one of the people he could comfortably talk to. He was also open with me "let's see your dick" he would say as a joke. I would start to undo my zipper and he always would look away. I don't know what I would have done if he hadn't.

Anyway, at some point he was crouching on the floor talking to me, and had a little hole in the crotch of his pants. "What's that?" I'd laugh. I could see what color his underwear was. "You wanna see?" he asked, and I said "sure". To my surprise, me sticks his finger into the hole and moves his underwear out of the way. I saw the smooth surface of his right testicle. "Heh. Needs more hair!" I laughed. He shaves, you see.

Now it was my turn. I didn't do it. He did not know how I felt about myself and that I only had one testicle. He still doesn't. When he was later at his workstation I came up to him and said "Okay, here you go." I undid the fly of my pants, reached in, and pulled my underwear partially aside. I made sure to push down on the skin near my testicle to make sure it would stick out, so he would at least be able to see my ball. He did see my nut and the surrounding skin, and they way I stretched it made it look huge. He was impressed at how big (he thought) it was.

I only showed him for a second. I don't think I did this out of gayness, but as a therapy of some sort. I have never shown anyone but a doctor my ball, and this guy seemed the perfect choice to expose myself to. I wanted a real opinion - or at least to show someone what I have. And he liked what he saw! He said I had big balls! I disagreed. I was cheating and he didn't know it. I only saw some surface skin of his ball through a small hole. He saw my nut as large as I could make it appear.

The next logical step was to show him my penis. He always jokingly asked to see it. Why not? I could not tell him my problems outright, but I could show him. Maybe he would say my flaccid penis wasn't bad? I would have liked to see his in return. He wasn't nearly as tall as me, but he could grow a fierce beard and I was very curious how his fortune had refected in his penis. It was a matter of time before this would happen. Unfortunately, he found a better job and before I knew it, he had quit.

I still wanted to show someone my penis. One night, two male co-workers were poking a little fun at my (slightly female-looking) chest, and I said something like "Okay. I am a guy you know. I have a penis. Would you like to see it?" One of the guys instantly said "no thanks" and went back to his duties elsewhere. The other (my friend since high school) said "I would" and I approached him and undid my zipper, and he was still watching me.

I stopped. "I knew you weren't going to do it." he said. That was enough for me. I turned back to him, and reached into my pants like before and pulled out my entire penis. "There! Proof that I'm male. No more jokes about it, okay?" I said to him, still holding it out. As my flaccid penis goes, it was having a good day. It must have been at least three inches. "I can't believe you showed me that..." he said quietly as he quickly looked away "...well, that's how I remember it." (from our high-school showering days).

He was the guy I finally told two weeks later about my sterility and one nut and low testosterone, and all the things that were happening recently, like looking into T shots and fake nuts and everything. I made him promise not to ever mention these things to anyone, nor to me, even as a joke. He's been really good about it and hasn't poked fun at my breasts now that he knows they are not "just fat".

He told me I had completely floored him when I showed him my penis. He's known me for over 15 years, and never expected me to do that. Later, I told him "It's just a dick" and it is - I have started to become more accepting of my body. If I can show him my penis, I might be able to show a girl. I offered to tell him my erect length in exchange for his. He hasn't taken me up on the offer.

By the way, manofthemoment, that's a great penis you have there! 6.5 inches is NOT average, it's above that! If you think about it, you are kind of fortunate to have it. Balls retract on their own when the penis is erect sometimes - I've seen scrotums in porn where the nuts really squeezed in - and so you might look like those guys. You still do have two balls, which is nice in the mental sense, even if they aren't comforting to look at. Can you feel anything when they are sucked? Can they be sucked at all without risking damage to them? I am worried when my ball gets lowered and stitched into place some chick will come along and suck it, causing me unbearable pain. I wonder if it will hurt.

We went through puberty much the same way. We both had seen adult men's testicles, and thought it was a matter of time before ours grew as well. In school we had Sex-Ed classes and got to see diagrams of male genitals. The side-view cross-section always would show a testicle that has huge, as big as an egg almost, hanging below the penis. I never did understand that. Mine never looked anything like the diagram. Even the flaccid penis looked larger than mine.

Just yesterday I was out comparing myself again. I went to a newly-found website, the name of which I removed during the edit. It looks to be frequented by gays who post pictures of their "rods" and rate other ones. I looked for over two hours. Most every guy had great balls. To me, ones you can see are great... even better if they hang a bit with some stretchy scrotal skin.

There were too many larger penises there for my liking. Where were all the small ones? I did see a few, some even smaller than myself. I read the comments people posted about some of them - especially the small ones. People are cruel. There's lots of "eww! Is that a clitoris?" and other mean remarks for these guys. Their social standing in society seems to be lower just because their penis isn't as big as the majority of men. I made sure to rate these guys well (a 9 or 10) and on some of them I added a positive comment.

The neat thing is smaller penises tend to make the testicles look larger. That doesn't apply to me - yet. I should look like any other guy with a short dick after these surgeries. The removal of my breast tissue will be the final touch. It will boost my confidence. After all, I cannot be certain if my penis was meant to be 4.5 inches by genetics or not. Maybe it was. (I am sure glad it is averagely-thick: 5 inches around. What's yours?) But I know I wasn't meant to have a scrotum like this, and certainly wasn't supposed to have ****.

In conclusion, I don't mind at all that you're gay and wouldn't mind discussing things further. I've kind of ran out of things to say today! You may not realize it, but I'm typing this message in good spirits. You've made me feel a bit better. Thanks. And oh yes, you are certainly welcome to ask any questions you want, on any subject.

I don't understand some things though: Only one man has seen you naked? Was he your only sexual parter? Did you even have sex with him? Have you been avoiding intimacy all these years (like I have) out of shame and fear? Have you gotten better at being yourself around other men than you were when you were younger? When did you realize you were gay? And finally, had any girls taken an interest in you before?

As you can see, I've got my questions too, heh. Remember: you don't have to answer anything at all. There's no pressure here.

[This message has been edited by Darkfur (edited 09-04-2003).]

Old 09-04-2003, 11:05 PM   #8
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 93
manofthemoment HB User

Hi again
Boy it was a big .......... that you still are keen to discuss these matters with me.I felt guilty and should of told you in my 1st post that i was gay but was worried you may not of been as open with your problem with me thats all.

Ok i will try and answer your questions that i can remember you asking.
Yes like you i avoided all sexual contact and relationships as i was embarassed and ahsamed of myself.I did have freinds of both sex's when growing up but it (or maybe me) made sure it never lead to the stage where my pants would be undone and they could see me.

This close freind of mine (just freind not a b/f) saw me naked on my bed one day and as he is very open to things and saw what i was like and it didnt seem to make any difference to him , as we spoke about what ever we were talking about at the time he was just laying there playing with my penis.He was still dressed and there was no full on sexual activity happening.This guy at the time was the closes i got to having a b/f relationship but it didnt quite work out that way.To this day we are great freinds and stay in contact even though he lives some distance away from me now.

In regards to girls i have never slept with a girl or fooled around with one , i have kissed and be kissed by them.Even about 3 years ago i was asked out by a girl at work.She is very nice and a great catch but at that time i wasnt out and i sorted panic and just said sorry no i cant.I felt really guilty for long time afterwards as she wanst to know why i said that.It was only in Feb this year that i actually came out.It was a hugh weight off my shoulders and had helped me a lot in life as well.

In regards to been gay i knew from about 12 i was but even then the testical thing ment nothing to me and i just thought by the time i was 21 i would look the same as everyone else.

Then ever since that day when i was 18 my consent thoughts have all been on how do i get them bigger , how do i make them look better ect.Speaking to you on here as also helped me alot in getting moods and issues off my chest.I hope things with you are better as you know that i myself know exaclty what you have been though and how we feel left out ect.Once you get your nip and tuck done and the operation for the implant and the testical moved down , you will look just great.You will look alot fuller in the sack then i do and it will work out well for you.

Also thanks for the kind remarks in regards to the penis size thing.Im 5" thick as well so its not a bad size and i have no complaints about that.

The main questions i wanted to ask you was
1) Do you shoot the normal 5ml or spoon full of semen with sex?.
2)Does your orgasms feel intense and breath taking like any other guy?

With me i shoot around the 5ml mark and i have managed to have very pleasurable orgasms.Also they other question i was interested in asking you was are you going onto testostone implants or injections?

Just curious to see what sort of growth or changes you go though and would love to be updated on your progress with that.

Last but not least just wanted to say a big thanks for talking about these things with me and you have brought a smile to my face with your stories.I dont mind answering anyting as when it all boils down there arent too many people who can talk to you and know exactly what you been though and felt or these years ....but i do as i have been too.....

Old 09-05-2003, 01:04 AM   #9
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 104
Sanguine HB User

Hi guys -- if you don't mind, I was scanning this thread, and felt the need to add a short reply that will hopefully provide a tiny bit of reassurance, if not a good laugh. I somehow actually know two people with only one testical, and one for sure lost one in a terrible sporting injury. The other may have either lost one in the service, or may have been born that way, but I guess it doesn't matter. These are average looking guys that are older than I am, and both have had fantastic sex lives. They've had many partners (and one has had an impressive amount of sex overall, I might add), and the single testical issue has never posed any problems. They've both remained open about it, and have tried to remain confident, and their partners were never turned off or freaked out about this.

The main idea here is don't let this get in the way of your sex life; I think you'd be hard pressed to find a partner that was truly concerned or put off by this. The size and shape of the scrotum has so little to do with the pleasure you are able to provide for your partner. So long as you are confident and refuse to let this get in the way of your sex life, it just won't matter in the greater scheme of things.

So, just get out there and get some and don't look back! You've got plenty of time to use your equipment; just get out and do it!

Old 09-05-2003, 02:21 AM   #10
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 93
manofthemoment HB User

Thanks Sanguine......Anyfeed back on this topic is appreciated.I know that myself i have helped heal a few wounds and think that things can start getting better for me now.

Im sure Darkfur has gotten some issues and concerns off his chest as well.But no matter what happens and what steps we take in our lives , we will always wonder about the things and feelings we missed out on.Each of us will still deal with many things in years to come but i think i can speak for both us when i say we are now starting to make peace with the condition we both have and are moving forward.....

Old 09-05-2003, 08:10 AM   #11
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: NYC, USA
Posts: 138
jamie17 HB User

Hey guys

After reading sanguine's post, just thought I would barge in also and add my two cents. As it happens, I've actually had sex with two different guys who happened to each have a sole testical. It was really not a problem in any way for me, and from what I could gather, it wasn't a problem for them, either. It just didn't make any real difference in the quality or experience of sex. We didn't talk about it, so I don't know if they were apprehensive before getting naked with me (thery didn't seem to be). Neither one of them mentioned anything about it before we got down to it, and I guess there was with each a moment where I kind of went, "oh --- there's only one ball in there", but then I was just like, "ok, diversity makes the world go round" and it didn't matter from that point on. I'll admit that with each I was sort of curious and wanted to ask why there was one ball instaed of two, but I didn't want them to feel self-conscious and I didn't want them to think that it mattered to me --- it didn't, I was just naturally curious. I didn't ask either of them because I really didn't know either of them well enough to ask personal questions, so to this day I don't know any more about it than I've just told you --- in fact, I'd actually forgotten all about both of them until I read Sanguine's post. Just want to say: I highly doubt that any sexual partner is going to care about how many you have or how big they are --- unless they just happen to be a big-ball fetishist. And I'd think that it should be easy enough to avoid hooking up with one of those! LOL. Hey, now that I think of it, you could probably find someone who fetishizes your condition(s) and who would think that y'all are the ultimate. Not that anyone wants to be a mere sex object, but, um... couldn't hurt at least once in life, right? LOL.

Old 09-06-2003, 04:01 AM   #12
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 340
Darkfur HB User

Hi! Please forgive my late reply...

...Yeah, things probably will work out for me. In a few short months, I might have the balls I've always wanted. But you will not. I feel terrible that you're going to be left behind in this. I can't think of any way that you haven't already considered to enlarge your scrotal appearance.

These other guys have the answer, but we both know it's not the perfect one: "Don't worry about it, people will accept you as you are."

Well, maybe other people will accept us. You and I are the ones having the trouble accepting who we are! I have felt bitter for years. Sometimes I would glare at the mirror and say things like "What the xxxx is wrong with you?" to my reflection. You might have done the same.

If I suddenly had to stop my course of action, and leave me body as it is, how could I cope? I'm writing this message in my underwear and my little breasts are but a glimpse away. Yuck. I can feel the warmth of my sack and it's all baggy with only one-half of a testicle to feel. It's the promise of this finally ending which has given me the most hope.

That still leaves you. What can I say? I'm sorry. You might just have to accept who you are and like Sanguine said "get out there and get some and don't look back!" Even Jamie has had sexual encounters with single-balled men and wasn't too concerned about what he saw. A testicle isn't crucial to the sex act. You can still receive great head from your partners, and you can give it too. You'll be able to at least play with other men's testicles. I hope when you do, you do not feel downhearted that they are not yours. (Seeing a nice set of balls makes me sad.) Don't forget: you've got that fine penis of yours! It's just perfect for... well, you know what it's perfect for!

Honestly, I believe I will lose my virginity before I turn 32. I still have a huge shopping list: Find a girl, go on dates, win her over, get personal, get intimate, and FINALLY have sex. That's a lot. The most important thing (someone told me) is to keep a positive outlook. If you keep your spirits up, people notice this and you will have a much easier time finding a mate.

I'm waiting for these surgeries before I start looking in earnest. What are you waiting for? As soon as you feel ready - as soon as lose your fear of being seen by others - as soon as you accept this part of your life - you will finally allow yourself to become sexually active! Isn't that what you want? Isn't that going to be FUN? You bet it is!

I find it funny that a gay man has kissed more girls than I have. It's been over 20 years since I layed lips on someone. It's yet another new experience to explore. I can't see how it can be pleasureable? It's just lips touching. I guess I will have to find out!

Okay, let's get to your questions:

How are my orgasms? I wouldn't call them intense OR breathtaking. For the most part, they are just pleasurable! My orgasm might feel more intense if the masturbation experience is a little out of the ordinary, or it's been awile since my last, or I watch porn for some time before starting to masturbate. If I just "grab and go", the orgasm doesn't last as long and the ejaculate is less.

How much do I ejaculate? The only times I got to measure this was when I had a sperm count done. I would have to masturbate into a sterile container (marked off in ml's) and bring it to the hospital. This year, I got to do that twice! The first time, I yanked it and scuttled off to the hospital... and then found out I needed an appointment! I had a vial of my semen in my hand and the nurse did not want it!

The second time I did it properly. I had an appointment. I abstained from ejaculating between 2 and 7 days before producing the sample. In this case, it was 4.5 days since my last mastubation. I wanted to make a good show, so I watched some porn without touching myself. When I felt good and worked up, I began to masturbate with my little jar nearby. (Knowing you are going to ejaculate into a container is kind of a turn-on!) Anyway, I poked my head into the jar when the time came and squeezed out all I could. I held it up to the light. It was a glorious load: nearly 10 ml.

Yeah, 10 ml's when it's all captured in one place. Try measuring it after it has trickled down your shaft into your pubic hairs! Heh. I probably shoot less than 10 ml quite often. But...

I have begun testosterone injections. So far, I've had four weekly shots. The frequency of these shots will be reduced now. The doctor just wanted to kick-start my body to raise its T level quickly.

Anyway, last month I had one of the best ejaculations of my life. You know how semen shoots out in "spurts" when you're having a particularly good orgasm/ejaculation? Well this, I think, was a new record for me. I counted a total of 8 spurts in that one ejaculation. It was quite a good load too! Almost every spurt cleared the penis and some shot a few inches into the air. I was left with quite a mess on my lap after that. I didn't care, I was proud! I've never done that before.

I would like to say it was because of the testosterone injections. How do I know for sure? I don't. I watched my porn for quite some time before masturbating that night (I think I left the tape playing as I surfed the internet too) so that might be a factor. It was a great orgasm too if I remember right. It would be fantastic if my orgasms were more like that all the time. It did not happen again though. Right now, I'm holding off from masturbating (6.5 days so far...) to try to trigger a wet dream. When (and if) I get one, I will be able to compare how it feels to the other ones I've had in the past. Those times, I had a so-so T level and was masturbating kind of regularly.

The doctor does not believe the T shots will grow my genitals any. He only expects some more facial and body hair, and perhaps a bit more muscle tone. I don't know... My throat has been sore for three days now. Do you suppose my voice might be changing? Naah. It better be a cold or something.

Your last post has put it best: We are starting to making peace with ourselves. Sure, we missed out on a lot of things in the past - mostly by choice - but what's really stopping us now? Think about it. We only need to get out there and do what we can, and eventually we will be rewarded for it. I'd say "be careful" but I'm not one to preach... I hope to find a girl who's clean and faithful enough to justify sex without condoms. After all, I ain't going to be getting anyone pregnant now, will I?

Thank you for understanding me, and putting up with my lengthy posts.

Old 09-06-2003, 08:32 PM   #13
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 93
manofthemoment HB User

Hi Again mate.

Old 09-06-2003, 09:02 PM   #14
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 93
manofthemoment HB User

Hi again mate

1st of all i enjoy your posts as i can see so much of myself when you describe certian things.I agree with you on many things and its kind of nice knowing that someone else has been though the same thing and that i wasnt the only guy with these thoughts and feelings.Like you yes i did on many occasions stand in front of a mirror and ask why do i look like this.Why couldnt i just be normal size and happy.

Your feedback on my questions was quite impressive.Im glad to hear that you have some good ejactualtions happing and im sure over time you will have more as well.I myself enjoy masturabation but compared to a wetdream , the wet dream is more intense.

For example when i have a wetdream i dont expell as much seman but awaken most of the time as the pleasure is quite breath taking and is enough to waken me out of a deep sleep.On the other hand if i masturabate , i expell more volume of seman but the orgasm is nice but not as intense as my wet dream ones.

With my wet dreams i have been having more of late then ever and even though i cant force them to happen , i think i have worked out bit of a pattern that helps trigger mine.

1) I hold off all masturatbation.
2) I do not think of any sexual thoughts nor touch
my self during the day at any time.
3) I wear briefs and pj's to bed everynight.
4) After about a week i usually then sleep nude ,
and allow the natural touch and sensation to
happen as i sleep.
5) Usually on the 1st night i will awaken in the
early hours of the morning with a wet dream in
progess.Or i will awake in the morning and find
that i had have one though the night.
6) If i dont have one the 1st night normally by the
2nd night (again a day without touching) it will
will happen.
7) I will then dress for bed as normal after that and
let the desire build up again.

Not sure if that will work for you but as i was saying i seem to beable to have a pattern started so i will stick with it while it works.

The things in your feedback that im still interested in seeing your progress on the testostone results.Did you take any measurements of your chest or arms or even your legs to see if there is any difference?.If you havent it mighten be too late just to see if any size difference does occur and how much.

Also in connection with the testostone , keep an eye on your acne and see how much breaks out (im hoping you get none but the body will make more oil in the skin and as we know it can cause acne).

In regards to your guy (penis) as i feel a slight size increase could happen as well so double check your measurements there too at a latter date......fingers crossed for you.

In regards to me been left behind im sorta fine by that and that is not stressing me.Im glad to hear of your progress and things working out for you.Who knows in the future at a latter date there may be some implant where my exsiting testicals slip inside a larger fake one.It wouldnt matter about heat destroying sperm as im infertile anyhow.

Glad to see you have something to look forward too and i hope you keep posting after you get some more work done, as im interested in seeing your progress and feedback.By the amount of hits on this topic i feel there are others who are interested in seeing the progress and feedback as well.

Thanks gain for your time and discussion on this matter.Please feel free to ask me questions or discuss any other matters relating to our conditions.I usually check this site a few times a week and would be happy to keep in touch in here.

Old 09-07-2003, 02:32 AM   #15
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 340
Darkfur HB User

Yeah, just look at all the views this topic has. We're a hit!

Question for you: How often do you get wet dreams? How many would you estimate you've had in total? I've had less than 10 my whole life. I will try to follow your wet-dream strategy. I was doing the wrong thing before - I thought thinking about sex (but not masturbating) would work myself up to cause a nocturnal release. You should take your strategy and post it in the "Wet Dreams" thread in the Men's Sexual Health forum. It might work for others!

You know, I had thought about a testicular implant "shell" where my left nut could be put inside to make it look larger. Are you sure these things don't already exist? What if you were to contact a company who designs and manufactures prosthetics and run your idea by them? There might be a lot of guys in the world who could benefit from such an implant, yourself included!

As for the T shots, I recently bought a digital camera to record the changes. I took pictures of myself with one week's beard growth to compare to in the coming months. A few shots in the nude takes care of other things: body hair, breast development, muscle tone, etc. I've also taken a few pictures of me holding my penis up exposing my nearly-empty scrotum.

There is a chance that the cords supporting the left nut aren't long enough to allow it to be lowered. There's a chance the prosthetic will be rejected by my body. There's a chance that I just won't be able to afford it! Things might not work out fine at all. I will keep you posted though.

If the T does make my penis grow, I sure won't complain! I will keep an eye (and hand) on it.

One last thing... Now this sounds really odd, but if you've tried it, then that's one more thing we have in common. I have pushed the head of my flaccid penis inside the shaft and made it look like a testicle. I would then position it beside my left nut and imagine myself with two balls. The only problem with this is that my penis is missing!

Can't win 'em all, eh?

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