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  • Why do breakups destroy me, and what can I do about it?

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    Old 05-02-2017, 02:42 PM   #1
    lovejoy444
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    Unhappy Why do breakups destroy me, and what can I do about it?

    I rarely fall in love (I can count the number of times on one hand, and I'm almost 48), but when I do, I fall hard and fast. My recent breakup (first boyfriend I've had for 8 years) occurred after only knowing each other two weeks. In that time, we were together for many many hours every single day, and had a lot of intense discussions about what we wanted out of life, a partner, etc.

    I tried to reign in my feelings, but as many of you know, that's pretty near impossible. I couldn't help the way I felt about him. He was, quite simply, almost everything I was looking for. In the end, he felt like he couldn't fulfill my expectations, and we agreed to part ways before it got harder to do later.

    Breakups can wreck me for months. Can't breathe; can't sleep; when I do sleep, I don't want to get up; don't want to eat; don't want to smile; don't want to bathe; don't want to do anything. Every day is a soul-crushing experience.

    I should note that I DO, in fact, have clinical depression and anxiety. I experience these on a daily basis, relationship or no. When I'm in a good relationship, though, these things are infinitely more manageable and less crippling. I actually experience much longer stretches of true happiness when I'm in a relationship versus being single. After a breakup, though, these things are magnified immeasurably. I have considered the possibility that I may be codependent, because my happiness does seem to ride on the success or failure of the current relationship (and/or the presence or absence of a partner). And yet, I don't seem to fit most of the criteria for codependency, such as sacrificing my own needs for a partner's, not sticking up for myself, ignoring a partner's dishonesty/jealousy/etc., or not saying no when I should.

    I am a wreck today after the end of a 1.5 week relationship... What's UP with that? Why do I fall so hard and fast? Is there any way to prevent this, 'cause I really hate that I do that? Any therapy anyone thinks might work to modify my intensity of feeling? I welcome any insight anyone has... I'm not looking forward to the next several months of despair.

    Thanks!

    Last edited by lovejoy444; 05-02-2017 at 02:46 PM. Reason: forgot something

     
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    Old 05-03-2017, 06:01 AM   #2
    52ken
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    Re: Why do breakups destroy me, and what can I do about it?

    The strength is within you and you need to let it out. When a relationship ends then it is their lost, not yours!!!! You can be glad that you didn't waste anymore time on that loser. Most men like women that are independent not women that are needy. By you being depressed, it gives power to them not you. There are many fish in the sea but who says that you even need one. Good luck.

     
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    Old 05-03-2017, 11:50 AM   #3
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    Re: Why do breakups destroy me, and what can I do about it?

    Praying you feel better.

    Best of luck to you.

     
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