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  • Detachment/Weird Glazed-Over look...scared, what is this?

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    Old 08-16-2004, 07:48 PM   #1
    vintagegirl
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    Detachment/Weird Glazed-Over look...scared, what is this?

    I have been seeing someone for sometime and am concerned about his behavior. Some backround: He has held down the same job for 5 years; this job requires him to be social and on top of things. While there, he is pleasant and well-liked by others. He is in his mid thirties, never been married, not much of a track record with girlfriends. He becomes easily anxious and is very sensitive to the slightest comment, normal teasing or joking around that others would laugh along with. My BIGGEST concern is this: He will talk openly, we will become close physically and emotionally, then he will literally get this glazed over look to his face, stop speaking, and wander around the house, sort of confused. I usually end up leaving because I don't understand this behavior. Could he have some kind of mental disorder? This has happened six times.
    He is literally like two people...one minute extremely charasmatic and forward...the next, shut down and strange. I monitor what I say now and am 99% sure it IS'NT what I'm saying that is bringing about these reactions. It's like a water faucet, and scary. He also has angry outbursts and can become (briefly) verbally abusive for no apparent reason.
    What does this sound like? Are people with mental disorders able to function fairly well in public, then lose that ability at home? I need someone's opinion before I jump to the wrong conclusion...

     
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    Old 08-17-2004, 03:40 AM   #2
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    Re: Detachment/Weird Glazed-Over look...scared, what is this?

    Do these episodes happen when he has heard something offensive or hurtful only? Or do they happen midstream in conversation? If the latter, I think it sounds more like a neurological problem.

     
    Old 08-17-2004, 05:54 AM   #3
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    Re: Detachment/Weird Glazed-Over look...scared, what is this?

    It usually happens right after we have had amazing ***. He then becomes totally distant with a lights on-but-nobody-home look to his eyes. His whole personality changes. He acts like someone on medication, and becomes very anti-social. Very different from the person who JUST called to invite me over, was thrilled to see me at the door, hugging me, complimenting me, and being completely outgoing and animated. Like I said, I know that it is nothing I am saying, because when he starts acting like this, I am intimidated to speak at all. It's not as if I just acted like a weirdo in bed, either.
    Do sex addicts experience this detachment after an encounter?

    Last edited by vintagegirl; 08-17-2004 at 05:55 AM.

     
    Old 08-18-2004, 08:36 AM   #4
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    Re: Detachment/Weird Glazed-Over look...scared, what is this?

    there are several possibilitys
    look up depersonalisation and derealisation on the net, may be these, stress and anxiety a re the usual cause, he needs to relax

    also could be other things, he should see a doc and get some tests done

     
    Old 08-18-2004, 04:29 PM   #5
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    Re: Detachment/Weird Glazed-Over look...scared, what is this?

    While it sure sounds like an emotional or mental disorder I have also heard of certain types of epilepsy where the person "shuts down" but doesn't have seizures.
    So, there may be that or another physical reason for it too...

     
    Old 08-19-2004, 05:25 AM   #6
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    Re: Detachment/Weird Glazed-Over look...scared, what is this?

    Thanks for the feedback...I looked up derealisation and that looked similar. I plan to ask him if he realizes that he is behaving this way. If it's something that could be improved by medication, I hope that he will consider that, because the alternative is not something I would want to live with.

     
    Old 08-22-2004, 08:06 PM   #7
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    Re: Detachment/Weird Glazed-Over look...scared, what is this?

    vintagegirl,
    It sounds like an emotional problem to me. The same thing happens with my boyfriend, and it usually happens after amazing ***, too, but other behaviors he exhibits in the following days lead me to believe that he is terrified of opening up to somebody emotionally, even though we've been together for almost two years. Also, as Ruth said, that IS actually a behavior of someone with some forms of epilepsy. My boyfriend is epileptic on top of this and during the day once in a great while gets that weird glazed-over look, but when he gets it after ***, it's his emotional issues. It IS kind of hard to make the distinction with the two, but I've been with him long enough to know. I think you should definitely ask your boyfriend if he's aware of this behavior. I'd be really interested in his response, so keep us posted. Good luck!
    ~Katalina
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    Last edited by Solstice1221; 08-22-2004 at 08:10 PM. Reason: a senseless sentence!

     
    Old 08-25-2004, 06:25 AM   #8
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    Re: Detachment/Weird Glazed-Over look...scared, what is this?

    Thanks Katalina...Are there any medications that are currently helping your boyfriend? Can I ask what happened to your bf that he is afraid to open up emotionally? I know that these are two different people that we are talking about, but I am just trying to understand... My guy seems great most of the time, and usually rebounds back to normal in a few days too, but the interim is hard on me, and I suspect on others who did'nt understand, gave up, and left him in the past. We are experiencing this RIGHT now... got very close a few days ago, and he became so unnerved that I left in the middle of the movie we'd rented. I was'nt "scared" of him, but he seemed so distant, I felt like I was hanging out with a completely different personality and it creeped me out. I did'nt say why I was leaving or make an issue of it, and was surprised that he did'nt ask why. It's almost as if he knows or is too relieved to ask. Then whenever I back off a few days after, he will ask why I'm acting "this way"...and I'll say-- "Because it felt like you did'nt want me around the other night"...he'll make a face and deny that was true. But something IS wrong...he is always so happy and talkative when I arrive. The look on his face as I leave is just this empty, introverted look that even a plane crashing in his front yard could'nt affect.

     
    Old 08-26-2004, 02:17 PM   #9
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    Re: Detachment/Weird Glazed-Over look...scared, what is this?

    vintagegirl,
    I wrote you a long reply yesterday, but my computer froze before I submitted it, how frustrating! As for your first question, my boyfriend won't take any meds. As a child, he took Depakote for his seizures and Ritalin for his ADHD among other things, and I guess the side effects were just terrible- he'd gain massive weight, lose a whole bunch of weight, and back and forth again. Now, he won't TOUCH medication of any kind. He won't take a simple Advil is he has a headache, nor will he take antibiotics when really sick. His attitude now is that everyone should just learn to "deal with it", and I guess that's what he's doing, but personally, I don't think he's doing the best job with that. I wish I knew more about why my boyfriend won't open up emotionally. I happen to know both of his ex-girlfriends (it's a pretty small town here, lol), one of which lived with my boyfriend and his parents when they still lived here in Connecticut. (They took off to retire in Florida and left my boyfriend and his brother this huge house-they're spoiled). My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend (and daughter's mother!) claims that his mother was emotionally abusive. Apparently, she was extremely cold to my boyfriend, but not his brother. She almost died giving birth to my boyfriend, and it was almost like she resented him for it, which to me is absolutely psychotic. I guess she "bought" my boyfriend's love with gifts like his many cars, dirtbikes, and motorcycles, but never showed him affection and taught him that it's "weak" to show feelings. That also coincides with the pill-taking thing- he thinks it's being "weak" to resort to taking medication. I have asked many times what went on in my boyfriend's childhood, but he very obviously doesn't want to talk about it and says everything was, "fine." WOW, there are soooo many similarities between your guy and mine. Like you, I'll back off for a few days also, and then my boyfriend will ask me what MY problem is. I also answer with, "well, I felt like you really didn't want me there" because I feel that way, too! My boyfriend also denies that that is true. When you say the look on his face is just this empty, introverted look that even a plane crashing in his front yard couldn't affect, I know exactly what you mean. It's scary, because you described that look PEFECTLY.
    ~Katalina
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