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  • I need help... I don't know what to do anymore!

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    Old 03-30-2005, 09:36 AM   #1
    prettyflower's Avatar
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    Unhappy I need help... I don't know what to do anymore!

    Hi everybody, i'm new here at the healthboards.

    Let me start off by saying that so far what i've been reading on the boards, its been really good .

    Anyway, here goes my story.

    I'm 28 years old. I haven't been diagnose with any mental disorder or anything like that but lately i've been feeling really really bad about myself, i could sense something may be wrong with me.

    This all started to happen like a year ago, i started to lack on everything, with my job, with my responsibilities, with own myself! I started to do things i wouldn't normally do like steal from my loved ones, lie to them constantly, not keeping up with my work, not keeping up with the bills, not keeping up on pretty much everything. I've been feeling depressed off and on but never like this before. I used to get depressed and get over it and be okay, but lately when i get depressed it bogs me down and it doesn't let me do what i have to do. Its like when i get up i feel like not doing anything and when i talk to my family about things and i can't seem to make sense and i freeze up and don't say anything or i say "i don't know" and blank out. My family constantly tells me that i'm lazy and that i don't wanna do anything but that's not the case. I also got an anger problem. Like for instance, when someone says things i don't wanna hear i get mad and walk off and start to slap doors, throw things around. I'm also very overly sensitive, like i cry for no reason. A few months back i started to act really weird and not being myself. Right now I feel so empty inside that i don't know what to do anymore, i just wanna die! I know i've done wrong in the past and that i can't right my wrongs but i wanna change and its really hard for me to deal with these things. That's why i'm seeking help! A few months ago my family started to see some changes in me and said that i needed help but of course me being hardheaded as i am, i didn't listen. I thought they were joking or something and i used to say, i'm okay i don't need no help. But now that i'm realizing that something may be wrong with me now my family don't wanna believe me, they now say there's nothing wrong with u, u just lazy and don't wanna do anything and that gets me angry and upset cuz now that i'm admitting they don't wanna hear me. Lately i'm not able to sleep, i get little to no sleep at all cuz i'm constantly worrying about things and having these bad thoughts in mind. Also i've lost my appetite and i'm not able to eat just very little bit.

    But see, i don't understand why i feel this way. Is like i turned into someone else. I feel alone inside and people don't seem to know what's going on with me. I try to explain it to my family but they think i'm making things up, but i'm not. And everytime i'm about to explain something it turns into a big argument, which i hate because it triggers my anger. I wish i knew what to do but i'm losing my hope. I don't have faith in myself, i'm constantly hating on my own self, i say things like, i'm no good and wanna do kill myself but i don't cuz i know its wrong and that's not going to solve anything plus, not only am i hurting myself but i'm hurting the ones i love.

    I really don't know where to post this so that's why i posted under Mental Health!

    Here's some symptoms that i get:

    ~ lost of appetite
    ~ feel withdrawn
    ~ burst into tears or have outburst of anger
    ~ poor hygine
    ~ when happy i get too excited or when sad i get very depressed
    ~ very quiet
    ~ not able to concentrate or focus on things
    ~ worries alot, gets nervous
    ~ not able to sleep or sleep too much
    ~ problems with coping with daily problems or activities
    ~ no motivation
    ~ difficult making sense with words
    ~ hear or see things but rarely
    ~ trouble communicating with people

    Sorry for the long post but i needed to tell someone about my problems.

    Any advice will be helpful.

    Thanks in advance,

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    Old 03-30-2005, 10:04 AM   #2
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    Re: I need help... I don't know what to do anymore!

    Hi Prettyflower, although I cannot dx you only a doc can it sure sounds to me like you may have some depression going on. Many of the symptoms you have mentioned sounds to me like you are slipping into depression. When I was younger I thought depression was weird, especially anytime anyone brought up depression or talked about it. I did not want to know much about it because I thought I would never get that. Well, looking back on all the years of my life from childhood on up I realize I was deeply depressed. I was angry, I had no energy, I suffered in my friendships and relationships and could not keep a balance in my mind at all. But, I ignored it thinking that it was all just circumstance or coincidences. Never did I give it any thought that I was suffering from something so common for both children and adults. Anyway, have you talked to your family doctor lately? Thats a really good place to start. Also being able to talk to a trusted friend or family member helps too. Let me know how things go for you. And yes, arent the Healthboards great! People do care around here, and thats important for having support system. I care, and hope things go well for you.

    Old 03-30-2005, 10:10 AM   #3
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    Re: I need help... I don't know what to do anymore!

    Thank u woodfaery.

    I haven't talk to my family doctor about it yet, but i'll make a note of that.

    I was thinking of getting evaluated at the local Mental Health Center and see what kinda help i could get cuz i'm tired of feeling this way, it makes me so sad inside and i wish i could be happy, u know? My parents divorce about 4 years ago and that affected me alot also but now i could deal with that.

    Anyway, i'll let u guys know and see what happens.


    Old 03-30-2005, 12:46 PM   #4
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    Re: I need help... I don't know what to do anymore!

    Hi Prettyflower,

    It sounds like to me that you have some symptoms of bipolar disorder. Of course I am no doctor but I am bipolar and I share some of these same symptoms. Maybe you should check out the bipolar board and see if you can relate. You should see a doctor for sure. He can properly diagnose you. I am on the bipolar board alot but I will come and see how you are doing over here. Good luck to you!

    Old 04-04-2005, 09:37 PM   #5
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    Re: I need help... I don't know what to do anymore!

    Hey Flower!

    The things you written was as if you had written them for me, every single word in that post describes me, except for the age of course :P

    when i try to discuss my problems with my family
    they get angry - they act as if i'm attention seeking and they just shut me out. people tell me i'm lazy because i refuse to work, but that's not the case either, i feel really depressed when thinking about work and doing jobs etc. but i'm not a lazy person, if i wanted a job doing for myself, such as home improvements or computer maintainence, i can do it no problem, the depression only occures when people talk about me working. there's nothing i can really say or suggest to you because i haven't solved the problem myself yet. i'm gonna talk to my doctor about it shortly, i will be glad to let you know what he tells me. are you going to continue visiting this site {REMOVED}

    the best of luck

    Mr. Incredible

    Last edited by moderator2; 04-05-2005 at 06:14 AM. Reason: please read and follow the posting rules - no emails

    Old 04-05-2005, 06:43 AM   #6
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    Re: I need help... I don't know what to do anymore!

    Hi Pretty Flower,

    Wow I felt like I was reading all about me. You are going through a lot of the same stuff I am going throught right now. Except I have talked to my GP and he took me very seriously and is making me an appointment to see psyh. In the meantime I also have an appointment to see someone at the Local Mental Health unit.

    So please do go see your DR. My doctor didn't want to prescribe anti-depressants he is leaving that to the Psyh Dr. So he gave me a senative. That seems to help a fair bit. It definetly is helping with sleeping.

    I have to say having this board sure is of some comfort. To be able to talk to other people that are suffering similar symptoms. Especially for me right now when I don't have even one person supporting me. Since I have managed to chase all my friends away. I am feelling very lonely right now.

    I mean I interact with people on a daily basis but not friends. And of course there is my 79 year old mother but she knows nothing. And that's the way I plan to leave it.

    Right now I am working hard to find things to fill up my day. Luckily I still have my horse to ride and now that spring is here I should very soon being going out more to teach people with their horses. Having animals is a great help.

    Pretty Flower, the only thing I would say is try making an effor to make youself look nice again. I went and go my hair permed and it helped a little. And I try to keep my daily routine close to the same.
    Hard thing to do when you don't want to get out of bed in the morning.

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