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Low Self-esteem

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Old 09-15-2005, 02:29 PM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 8
ben80210 HB User
Low Self-esteem

I suffer from low self-esteem and have for my entire life as a result of being emotionally abused as a child. I also suffer from social anxiety and severe chronic insomnia, but I believe these are products of my low self-esteem. My insomnia has created enormous problems in my life that caused my self-esteem to sink even lower. Right now I'm at rock bottom. I quit my last job in February and have no idea how I'm going to earn a living now. I'm a 44 year old software engineer, and am good at my work, but lousy at dealing with people, especially with the insomnia. I was only sleeping four or five hours a night and was exhausted. Lack of sleep causes loss of memory and concentration, which made it difficult to deal with the office environment. I've tried sleeping pills and some homeopathic products but nothing works when I'm under pressure to sleep. Since I've been out of work, I've been sleeping a lot better, but still wake up in the middle of the night, every night, and it usually takes me about an hour to fall back to sleep. I feel that since my insomnia is a product of my low self-esteem, that's what needs to be treated.

I've been reading some books on how to improve self-esteem such as 'The Six Pillars of Self-esteem', 'Self-esteem', and 'The Self-esteem Workbook'. It's helping me some. I'm not beating myself up as much as I was, but I still have a long way to go before I can return to work, but my savings are going to run out pretty soon, so I need to speed up my recovery.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Last edited by ben80210; 09-15-2005 at 02:32 PM.

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Old 09-15-2005, 05:18 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: melbourne, vic, aust
Posts: 7,370
hry33 HB Userhry33 HB User
Re: Low Self-esteem

try taking naps during the day
melatonin sometimes helps and is used by sleep disorder labs
be sure to get good quality full strength tablets
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Old 09-17-2005, 10:42 PM   #3
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Louisville, Ky
Posts: 455
bbybyrd HB User
Re: Low Self-esteem

I have insomnia also and was emotionally abused. I take antipsychotics (Seroquel) for sleep and paranoia and it does nothing. I try to take naps and I can't even sleep then. I was up for 36 hours a couple of weeks ago. I really don't know the answer for it. Maybe if you see someone and talk about the abuse as a child, some of this would ease up on you.

Old 09-20-2005, 01:47 PM   #4
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 8
ben80210 HB User
Re: Low Self-esteem

I've been through therapy, have tried melatonin and pretty much everything else that's out there. I take naps when I can't get a good night's sleep. When I was working they had a phone room that people could use if they needed privacy for a phone call. I used to go in there and take naps sometimes. The only thing that helps is avoiding stress, such as I am now not working.

bbybird, I feel for you. There have been a lot of nights when I didn't sleep more than an hour and actually went to work the next day. I've had several days in a row like that and it's almost impossible to function with that little sleep. For me, a lot of the time, it's conflict and thinking about problems I've had with people that keeps me up at night, and the reason it bothers me so much, I believe, is because of low self-esteem. I'm trying to find a therapist to help raise my self-esteem.

Good luck,

Old 09-21-2005, 05:04 PM   #5
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 34
tinamaragaret HB User
Re: Low Self-esteem

hi Ben im Tina,

I read your post and really felt for you. sorry to be so personal but i really think you need to find a new therapist, it takes a long time to sort through all the mess that abuse cause's i know this from experience. the abuse is only part of the problem there are so many other side affects that steam from being abused. If you say therapy hasnt helped its only becuse you havnt found the right therapist yet. you need to persivere with it your life wont change over night but the road to a thousand mile journey starts with the first step. i know this sounds condescending and you have probably already tried it but have you looked at what you are eating and drinking, certain foods and drinks can cause difficulting in sleeping.

One last point. this is a hard one but. for every year you continue to suffer it is another year that your abuser still has some control over you. your worth more than this the fact that you came to this site and read books to help yourself suggests that you have elements of self worth tried to build on them good luck and god bless you are in my prays

Old 09-27-2005, 12:29 PM   #6
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 4
Missm68 HB User
Re: Low Self-esteem

There is a type of therapy out there that kicks butt in what we tell ourselves. Our inner voice that we cannot hear aloud butit is there and it tells us who we are. I cannot remember the name of the therapy cognative behavioral therapy maybe.. anyway.. they do not let you use words that are negative they make you change your vocaulary so that your inner voice changes and the things we tell ourselves becomes good not bad.

therapy is great! just find a good therapist

Old 11-12-2005, 10:40 AM   #7
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Gloversville, New York, U.S.
Posts: 78
hastrix HB User
Re: Low Self-esteem

I recommend "FEELING GOOD: THE NEW MOOD THERAPY" by David Burns. We all carry on inner conversations--I'm guessing yours are self-depreciating. Learn how to love yourself with this book, which is written for depressed people, but I think it will really help you too. I believe this therapy is called cognitive behavorial therapy.

Last edited by hastrix; 11-12-2005 at 10:44 AM.

Old 11-13-2005, 12:33 PM   #8
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 128
Kentucky_Miss HB User
Re: Low Self-esteem

Hon, it really all boils down to self-love, and it is the hrdest thing to do when you have those negative replays of self deat from the path. Our worst enemy is ourselves, and when we choose not to love and respect ourselves we end up going down the wrong roads, such as alcohol and drug addiction, sex addiction, eating disorders, self injury spells, so many things to destroy our self worth furhter. Abuse in our past tends to haunt us as adults especially when we can't forgive our abusers and truly look beyond the past and live for the present and future.

You are doing the best you can, with what you have been dealt with in life, and thats all you can do. You are looking for ways to regain that self love and that is the first and most important positive step you can make for yourself. You need to set some small goals for yourself and achieve them one step at a time, and you'll be on your way to a better way of life. Good luck and don't give up.

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