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    Old 10-12-2008, 11:14 AM   #1
    MrJon
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    Reality check?

    Hello everyone, I thought I would post a problem Im having on here, as this site has been very helpful to me in the past.

    This past week I have begun to feel disconnected from everything around me, almost acting on autopilot and not taking in anything I am doing, I have becoem absent minded, irratic of thought and almost not trusting what I see, like my surroundings just don't seem right. Its becoming evry distressing and effecting my work and relationships.

    It is reminiscent of a feeling I experienced three or four years ago, after an ill advised one off ingestion of some LSD. I didnt want to take it, and had two tabs worth and needless to say it was the most harrowing experience of my life, but I digress. What followed was an extreme change in perception and severe depression which I actually thought I had got control of, or at least resigned myself to and had adjusted accordingly.

    However this past week the feeling seems to have returned, and that same change or at least feeling of change in perception has occured. I feel like a passenger in everything i do. I can do everything asked of me but Im very aware im doing it. Hard to verbalise but it feels like Im losing my grip on reality a little bit.

    Ever since a young age I have worried myself to death about everything, from health, mental health, life, sexuality, assuming that every incident is going to be the end of me...until the next problem. I would like to think that is the case with this but it feels like Im losing it, and that scares me to death. Doesnt help I have a degree in psychology and am worrying myself to death. I don't know if this is all a product of my anxiety or the beginnings of something worse.

    Does anyone have any advice or a notion or even experience of whats happening? Its frightening me and im shrinking away from work, and even my girlfriend, she listens but can't understand, which in itself is quite understandable.

    I'm 23 and everyday is a struggle. Help if you can, any advice is graciously accepted.


     
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    Old 10-12-2008, 05:56 PM   #2
    maybecrazy
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    Re: Reality check?

    Hi MrJon,

    I developed depression after getting PTSD, the feelings of being on autopilot and distant from reality are very familiar to me and occurr on a regular basis as part of my cycle - for me it's like im sitting in my head directing everything but I have removed myself from whats going on and am watching as an observer - the first thing I check is physical things - my diet - I forget to eat or eat bad choices or - so I make sure I get my diet back under control - I take b vits to reduce my stress levels - and a multivit - all of that when I remember or become aware of what is going on.

    You said you have a degree in psychology - maybe you are overthinking things - over analysing them - I do that - that can raise your stress levels and get you worried over things that may not be worrying (did that make sense?) when i'm very stressed i get a bit light headed and then exhausted - - I see a psychologist who helps me sort it out - have you thought of seeing one? (even psychologists see psychologists if they need help )

    Anyway, I hope you find something that works for you - take care MBC
    p.s., a great book about stopping worrying is A guide to rational living by Dr Albert Ellis - it helped me tone down some of my worrying

    Last edited by maybecrazy; 10-12-2008 at 05:59 PM. Reason: to add a ps

     
    Old 10-13-2008, 03:07 AM   #3
    MrJon
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    Re: Reality check?

    hey, thank you so much for the reply, I was beginning to think that I was really losing it, couldn't imagine anyone else feeling the things I do, it's horrible, not trusting my surroundings because I feel like I'm on complete auto pilot. Its frightening cause I am capable of things but then suddenly swoosh, Im out the room.

    In soem respects it gives me hope and I almost wonder if its because everything has come back in to focus after so long and Im not used to it. As for the psychology degree I am certain it hasnt helped, both my girlfriend and mother have said it probably wasnt the best choice.

    Ever since 11 yrs old (im 23 now) I have been a chronic worrier, keeping myself awake at night crying over my family dying, health, even my brother not having anyone when he lived away, overly sensitive and concerned about everything, so in retrospect the drugs, probably werent the smartest choice.

    It heartens me to read these pages with people who have fought and won or at least winning there respective battles. It gives me hope. Last night I was fine for a couple of hours, relaxed and watching a film. maybe there is hope.

    Write back? And anyone else, it would help a lot.

    Jon

     
    Old 10-13-2008, 05:19 AM   #4
    MrJon
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    Re: Reality check?

    I have been thining that maybe there hasnt been a problem, maybe I have convinced myself that there has been a problem with my perception after experiencing such a horrible event and its down what has been suggested...this gives me hope...it does feel like Im never clear headed and maybe I have overwhelmed myself and my ability to ope. Thank you for the sugegstion

     
    Old 11-05-2008, 08:05 AM   #5
    netoon
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    Re: Reality check?

    Wow, I seem to really relate to your experiences (for the most part). This is weird, but does it feel like your internal/external worlds are merging together (at times)? The auto-pilot part made me think about my sandwich making session today; I woke up, took a shower, and went downstairs to make myself a sandwich. It was a weird experience, because I was sorta coming/going in and out of consciousness while making this sandwich. I mean, I'd consciously pick out the ingredients, but then I'd think about something else while putting everything together. Whatever, it's really hard to explain. I find that the more I try to explain... stuff like this... the farther I find myself drifting away from the actual experience and into something new... something "created" - this created bit tries to explain the original (the actual experience of which it's trying to explain), but can't, and instead it creates a new experience. Now, what do you think would happen if I tried to explain this new experience... That's right! (it would just repeat this pattern).

    If you don't get what I just wrote, then forget about it, but just know that I can relate to some of your experiences. Than again, who knows...

     
    Old 11-06-2008, 04:40 AM   #6
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    Re: Reality check?

    Hey, thanks for the reply, I can relate to what your saying, it feels like I'm doing something, then Im suddenly very aware that Im doing it, like everything is significant, and like you say I drift off. Almost like Im a robot making my decisions to do things, but then im somewhere else.

    Good news is though I have been to see a doctor and been referred for an assessment. The guy I saw told me that what Im experiencing is something called Depersonalisation, and derealisation.

    He asked me if It felt like I was almost seeing life througha video camera at times,and if it felt like I used distraction when doing tasks, and he told me he bet I was really good at doing two things at once, like thinking about something completely different to what Im doing.

    He said that this was a very common symptom of depression. Just being told this helped me no end. He gave me something to read and it said that fear of losing our mind or going mad is a common side affect of this derealisation.

    He has prescribed me some anti-depressants, Citalopram 20 mg, and whilst its not perfect, the difference is really there, Im getting by a lot easier and they have only started to work these past few days so its only going to get better I assume.

    Hang in there and talk to me if you want, I still need to talk it out myself. Jon.

     
    Old 11-08-2008, 01:26 AM   #7
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    Re: Reality check?

    Hi Mrjon,

    That makes a lot of sense about it being a sign of depression - I call it being disconnected - I feel like I am living my life from a distance, watching from behind my eyes not really connected to what is going on but doing what I have to do - that sounds the same as what you were describing.

    The going crazy thing, I have thought that about myself many many many and did I say MANY times, during my PTSD voyage (on the HMAS Wish it was over ) I have had what I now realise were symptoms , (flashbacks, nightmares, hands shaking, loss of words etc etc etc ) that made me think that I was on the edge of insanity....often I still think that...it's good to know that other people have experienced the same or similar things - I am coming up to the anniversary of the event that caused my ptsd and 2 years on I still wonder when it will be over - i guess it's a long journey - anyway I am glad you are doing better and hope the antidepressants work for you - I am on Avanza because it helps me sleep - I hope things work out for you - take care MBC

     
    Old 11-10-2008, 09:51 AM   #8
    MrJon
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    Re: Reality check?

    Thank you very much for your reply,It helps me to read taht someone knows what Im going through, the bit about watching from behind your eyes is ban on, exactly whats happening to me. Its hard going, mine started since a single event but got worse over past 6 weeks or so. The meds are working, hard sometimes when I remember why Im taking them, sort of realise whats happening but getting by. This aint no life though

    Keep in touch, your a great help.

    Jon

     
    Old 11-10-2008, 10:06 AM   #9
    AnnD
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    Re: Reality check?

    I have talked to people that have mind altering/visual disturbances that is attributed to having done street drugs in the past esp. LSD. Somewhere in the brain it seems to linger for years and the last guy I heard had a visual of things as he described as 'melting' away as he was driving to work. He had been clean and sober for years and yet had these just out of the blue off and on for years afterwords however his was lasting only a short while ...just that moment in time. This might be what you are experiencing or perhaps something more. Past drug use can have such lingering effects later so who knows. Since you have had such a short period of time of feeling disconnected(seems like a lifetime to you I am sure) but a week is too short of time to diagnose but if you are still feeling this way after a month then you should make an appt. to see a psychologist for some testing so see if you are developing something more. good luck.

     
    Old 11-11-2008, 06:37 AM   #10
    MrJon
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    Re: Reality check?

    I have spoken to a psychology nurse and he said that I wasn't describing any thing to worry about, no sign of psychosis. What your referring to with your friend was a flashback, different to what I been experiencing but thank you for the suggestion.

     
    Old 07-17-2011, 02:40 AM   #11
    TheAdjustment
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    Re: Reality check?

    I understand what you mean exactly.
    The more I try to word and actually materalize my episodes of disconnection, the stranger they seem. Like it's what I feel happened but I'm not even sure if it did.
    Just wanted you to know I understand.

     
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