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I feel like a coward . . .

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Old 02-02-2003, 06:42 AM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: St. Louis, MO, USA
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ryouko16 HB User
Unhappy I feel like a coward . . .

Ok, first off, I have had depression for about . . . I guess about five years now and I have been taking anti-depressants (zoloft) for about four years.

Lately, for multiple resons, I have been VERY sad. Im so depressed sometimes that I wish that I would die and I would like to kill myself. But I have never done anything to myself, never cut, never nothing. I feel like a coward for not doing anything though. I mean, I ***** n' stuff because I hate my life at the moment, but I wont do anything about it. I just cry. I hate crying.

I guess I just want to ask for opinions on this. I feel fine right now, but I know that later I wont be. And I know that later I will be too scared to do anything about it.

I have felt this way (like a coward) for a while, and I just had to tell someone and get someone's response. Am I being totally stupid here? I know that its a good thing that I dont hurt myself, but knowing that doesnt change how I feel.

Thanx for anything.

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Old 02-02-2003, 10:53 AM   #2
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: NJ
Posts: 83
Wil HB User


I read your post and feel you are halfway to a solution regarding your depression.

You choice of words describing yourself tells me you are only ONE step away from relief.

You mention twice the word Coward. What a cool thing to explore about yourself. Here is my take on being a Coward:
The Coward needs to stand up to being bullied by his own inner fears. The path to empowerment and relief of your depression is to face your fears. Remember the Wizard of Oz? The Cowardly Lion is immobilized by fear, he lacks courage, a function of self esteem and its related to your will and choices in life.

Here is a solution: Identify what you are afraid of and write them down. Include that you are afraid of negative stuff as well as all the positive steps you wish to take. After you write them down, take a deep breath and choose a small positive step - just one positive will make a difference, it seems hard to imagine but it will.

You are so close simply by the fact you are able to label what is causing your depression. This is such a key, whether it be symbolic or the actual cause. Look at this and feel good about yourself for looking at your depression and not giving up.

Remember to say to yourself the following, "just like me, others have suffered and struggled to rise above the pain that causes me to feel trapped" Take off the judgement and pat yourself on the back for posting your message and know that your words have been read by many.
Ultimately, the Cowardly Lion faced his fear and so will you. I wish you well,


Old 02-06-2003, 10:07 PM   #3
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ShadowDragon HB User
Thumbs up

Excellent response Wil, that is great advice and encouragement.

I agree. Do not be a slave to your fears.
And like Wil said, think of how many people will read this, half because they wish to help you and half because they feel the same; these people believe a change is possible, believe in you. One can only be as cowardly as he lets himself be. You can change that, but you REALLY have to want that change.
I know sometimes it's hard to understand why you are faced with certain things in life, and you want to give up because you don't see a point to it all. But that's just it, life is surviving. Because in living through things, you learn from it whether or not you realize it right away. Be brave. Live, learn.

"All beings have the capacity to cure themselves" - from K-PAX
"All beings have the capacity to cure themselves" - from K-PAX

Old 02-07-2003, 05:27 PM   #4
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: NJ
Posts: 83
Wil HB User

Thanks Shadow:

This board is really helpful - never knew so many people suffered - great to connect in a positive way.


Old 02-20-2003, 05:43 PM   #5
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Grumpy HB User

You say you feel like a coward, It sounds to me like your showing common sense, It dosen't take a brave person to cut themself or worse. You say you have been on Zoloft for five years, maybe its time to switch to something else.[Hope this helps]


Old 02-23-2003, 07:12 PM   #6
Posts: n/a

"I have been taking anti-depressants (zoloft) for about four years. Lately, for multiple resons, I have been VERY sad. Im so depressed sometimes that I wish that I would die and I would like to kill myself."

It sounds like the Zoloft is not working. Over a number of years antidepressants can lose effectiveness, I have seen this first hand. Since you have the Zoloft, you have someone who is prescribing it for you--call and make an appointment and tell them what you have posted here. There are enough med options out there, you shouldn't have to settle for one that isn't working anymore. If the Zoloft was effective for you before, either a higher dose of it OR a different med should get you back on track.

If you are not physically active, try to go outside and at least walk around the block once a day. Physical activity releases endorphins which can make you feel much better. It doesn't have to be far. Being outside in sun or daylight more often will help too. In the winter a lot of people are affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and this can be alleviated some by exposure to light.

Good luck to you and let us know how you are doing.

Old 02-27-2003, 07:30 AM   #7
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Posts: 101
MiffyBunny HB User

Riouko, I am in the same situation like you. I haev been depressed for about 4 years (I am 20), I think, but now it is getting worse.

All I do now is to cry and I hate crying too. I dont even know why I am crying and feel lost and no one understand me nor supports me.

After many years, I finally went to the psychologist two days ago but I don't think she will help me. I don't want to be oned, all I think is that I'd like to die, though I am not brave enough to do.

I know I will be fine in some days but then, it all comes back again.

I am sorry I couldn't give you any advice... I hope you get better...


21 yrs old, female =)

Old 02-27-2003, 07:35 AM   #8
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: England
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James_reg HB User

I don't know if this will help but there is an Autobiography by a man called Geoff Thompson. I read this book a while ago. He went through simler things but he talks about how he delt with it and what he has become now.

I suggest that the best way to get through things is to do something about it as you are doing. Martial arts seems to help people gain confidense in themselves and face fears.

Just a thought

Old 03-03-2003, 11:03 AM   #9
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Join Date: Mar 2003
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Shattered_Eros HB User

You say you feel like a coward? You are far from that! It takes a very strong and couragous person to not hurt themselves. Trust me I know from past experience that, atleast for me, hurting myself is the easy way out. The tough thing to do is to deal with the sadness in a non destructive manor.(for example: Posting a message on a message board) It is wonderful that you don't hurt yourself, you are already hurting enough, don't make things worse by causeing more pain for yourself.
Hang in there, I have faith that one day you won't hurt anymore.
Try to develope some healthy copeing skills, because that is what hurting yourself is, its a copeing skill just not a good one. For me,I took up yoga and pilates.

You can do this!!

Don't judge me by my failures, only by my dreams.
Don't judge me by my failures, only by my dreams.

Old 03-03-2003, 11:37 AM   #10
Autumn Angel
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Niagara , Ontario , Canada
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Autumn Angel HB User
Post are doing something about are crying and that releases emotions and it is proven it helps us get feelings out. Secondly you are asking the people here for opinions help and or advice. So see you arent a coward and you ARE doing something about it.

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