HealthBoards

HealthBoards (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/)
-   Mental Health (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/mental-health/)
-   -   I've just found out my girlfriend was raped by 5 men :( (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/mental-health/742049-ive-just-found-out-my-girlfriend-raped-5-men.html)

PhantasyStar 03-29-2010 07:27 AM

I've just found out my girlfriend was raped by 5 men :(
 
Tragic.

My girlfriend is Japanese to start.
I had a feeling something had happened in the past, as occasionally she would dislike certain ways I would touch her.

She ended up telling me about 10 years ago, (she's 28 now), she was called by a 'friend' to go and have a chat at his place. She went with her friend, and for the first few minutes it will all good, until 4 other guys came out of their hiding places.

Apparently they were raped in different rooms, by all the guys. It literally makes me feel ill typing this.

She tells me she feels she is at fault sort of, as she felt she took away her boyfriend of the time away from his girlfriend. She is convinced that this ex-girlfriend asked her friends to have her raped.

As is often the case, it was never reported. The guys apparently had some Yakuza involvement, which they didn't want to deal with.

She says she has moved on, however apart from me, she has told no one apparently. I worry she has dug it deep inside her, and trying to simply forget? It this a healthy thing to do?

My first reaction is, I really would like to see these guys pay for what happened. What is the statute of limitations of rape in Japan?
Would it be a good idea to try and convince her to report it to the police in Japan?

I might see a counsellor myself to have a chat, and I hope I can get my feelings of sadness to move on.

It is indeed also tragic that my ex-girlfriend had a sexual assault when she was younger, of which I don't actually know details. However, from what I do know, it is indeed no where near as heinous as the events of my current girlfriend.

With my ex however, it essentially ruined our sex life, to the point of me having to leave her sadly. Luckily it seems with my current girlfriend, even with such an incredibly vile act having occured, we have the most incredibly sex. Which also worries me now, as I remember in counselling with my ex that women can either become highly anxious and anti-intimacy, or the complete opposite (which can lead to prostitution etc)!.

This all makes me feel ill. I make it worse too, as I feel I need to ask more questions and find out every little bit that happened, which only makes me feel worse!

Advice would be much appreciated!

Lost

rosequartz 03-29-2010 07:44 AM

Re: I've just found out my girlfriend was raped by 5 men :(
 
if she told you this 10 years ago, I don't think you need to find out more details NOW.....has SHE brought it up since?

curly fry 03-29-2010 08:16 AM

Re: I've just found out my girlfriend was raped by 5 men :(
 
I think she told him now that, 10 years ago, she was raped.

That's a lot for both of you to deal with. I have no advice. Just want to wish you both the best of luck in getting through this together. But I think therapy would be a great start if you can get her to go.

PhantasyStar 03-29-2010 03:08 PM

Re: I've just found out my girlfriend was raped by 5 men :(
 
[QUOTE=rosequartz;4214435]if she told you this 10 years ago, I don't think you need to find out more details NOW.....has SHE brought it up since?[/QUOTE]

She told me a few days ago, about what happened 10 years ago.

resolution09 03-29-2010 04:52 PM

Re: I've just found out my girlfriend was raped by 5 men :(
 
Just one thought, give yourself a little time to absorb this. In two weeks you may feel very differently about what you need to know and what steps you'd want to take to support her. This is a huge tragedy for her and, since you feel for her, now for you. Talking this out here is a very good move. It's a way for you to express your anxiety and anger without involving her for right now. Right now I'd just suggest telling her how sorry you are for what she's experienced and let her know you want to be there to support her. Ask her what she would like of you. Let her take the immediate lead from there while you give yourself time to adjust. This really is a terrible thing and it's understandable you are shaken.

paranormal2 03-29-2010 09:05 PM

Re: I've just found out my girlfriend was raped by 5 men :(
 
that's so terrible, unfortunatly, I think since it happened in japan, it's probably way too late, I have a good friend from kyoto, and she has told me a few bad stories about rape, and the way the authorities delt with it ( or didn't deal with actually ). hopefully your gf will heal over time.


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:53 PM.