It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Mental Health Message Board

  • confused...girlfriend's rape

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 04-20-2010, 11:54 AM   #1
    floridasfinest
    Junior Member
    (male)
     
    floridasfinest's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2010
    Posts: 18
    floridasfinest HB User
    confused...girlfriend's rape

    So a few months back I posted about how i thought my girlfriend's dad raped her.

    Supposedly I read everything wrong. When I first asked her if there is anything i should know about her, she replied that her father was a perv and that she was also forced into sex. What I did not put together was that these were two different things.

    Her father never did anything to her, and after 4 months of daily stressing about it I finally found out. Though her father was perverted (watched porn on computer, watched my gf get out of shower, etc), she tells me that he never touched her. It was hard for me to believe at first, but now i am putting everything together.

    Here is how it went last night:

    I ask her if she wants to talk about her abuse, and she says she feels comfortable talking about it now. So i ask her how it happened. she says she was at a party when it happened, and she was too drunk to remember much of anything. I asked her how that could be possible that her dad did it to her, and she replied that it was not her dad who did it to her, but someone at the party. I was in complete shock because this whole time I misinterpretted a text message. I feel very stupid.

    Anyways i guess i feel a little better about the whole situation because i can feel ok when shes home (and her father is there), but i am just adjusting to the whole thing now. Now that I know her family didnt do anything wrong, i want to do something, or want her to take action against this guy (I have heard that doing something about it makes victims empowered again).

    The lesson here, to me, is to always try to talk about these things without pressuring the victim. It kept me worried and disgusted for quite a while until i found out the truth, and was ashamed for not clearing things up earlier.

    Thanks for listening to my rambling. There are no direct questions, just thought i would share this. Thanks

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 04-20-2010, 12:34 PM   #2
    caberg
    Veteran
    (male)
     
    caberg's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2009
    Posts: 432
    caberg HB Usercaberg HB Usercaberg HB Usercaberg HB Usercaberg HB User
    Re: confused...girlfriend's rape

    You should take a step back from the situation. The impulse to "do something" is normal, but there's nothing for you to do, other than be there to provide support for your girlfriend.

    It sounds like you still don't have all the details as to what happened. I wouldn't pry either; just make yourself available to her and, in time, I'm sure she'll let you know how you can help, if at all.

     
    Old 04-20-2010, 02:52 PM   #3
    Redneon82
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Redneon82's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2007
    Location: California
    Posts: 2,093
    Redneon82 HB User
    Re: confused...girlfriend's rape

    I worked with someone who was raped while passed out drunk at a house party. She became pregnant from this encounter. Can you imagine?? She had the child and is now a single mother, since she has no idea who at the party raped her.

    She now wants nothing to do with men or with sex. She thinks anything to do with men and/or sex is repulsive. After what she went through, it's understandable, if sad.

    Her child is a boy. I just hope for both their sakes she doesn't pass her negative feelings about men on to her son.

    Your GF sounds like she is finding a way to come to terms with what happened. She must be a pretty strong person. I think she may end up just fine.
    __________________
    "Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong

     
    Old 04-21-2010, 09:22 AM   #4
    BigRed54
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Dec 2008
    Location: Iowa USA
    Posts: 452
    BigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB User
    Re: confused...girlfriend's rape

    Not every woman needs to take action to feel empowered or get over it. You should not push your gf to do anything; she needs to work through this on her own, as she has been doing. Right or wrong, it's HER decision and hers only on how to handle it, as she is an adult.

    Just be there if she wants to talk, listen to her but resist the impulse to give advice or fix the situation. That would be the surest way to take away her power and let her know you don't trust her to make decisions or run her own life.

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    Girlfriend and Rape floridasfinest Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill 23 09-11-2011 09:36 PM
    My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do? MrZeely Relationship Health 48 01-20-2011 02:12 PM
    I've just found out my girlfriend was raped by 5 men :( PhantasyStar Mental Health 5 03-29-2010 08:05 PM
    Girlfriend is a rape victim TrainUnderWater Mental Health 4 03-24-2010 11:33 AM
    Girlfriend a little too passive floridasfinest Relationship Health 14 02-14-2010 06:09 PM
    Girlfriend blaming herself for mishaps with sick guys, help... MrZeely Relationship Health 24 09-17-2007 06:04 PM
    BC question - confused! ppp32 Birth Control 2 08-26-2005 10:58 AM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:47 AM.





    © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!