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Am I a Sociopath?

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Old 04-20-2011, 03:55 PM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2011
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unsubtle HB User
Question Am I a Sociopath?

Over time I have begun noticing that I care less and less for other people. I think other people have noticed this and slid in a few comments now and again. For example, my grandmother thinks the games and tv shows I watch are merely "desensitizing" me and make me more immune to violence. I don't think this is the case. I have an amazing silver tongue. I have talked my way out of trouble in school, with my parents, and just plain belligerent people. My earliest memories of learning to lie was back when I was 5 or 6 years old. I would close my eyes and pretend to be asleep while I actually played with my toys once my parents thought I was asleep. I found out santa wasn't real when I was 8 using this method. I have gotten away with tons of things, usually by reversing the situation and making ME look like the victim. I have always taken great pride in this. Also, I have never had any problem hurting animals. I used to shoot birds with my pellet gun. I also beat a possum to death (which was one of the best feelings of my life), stepped on several snakes, and chopped a mole's head off with a shovel. However, I am very loving toward my pet dog, and couldn't ever think of harming her. So I don't know if I am being "cruel to animals" or simply "eliminating nuisances"... what bothers me is that I ENJOYED the killing. I wrote a story on my computer that in the end, suprised me on how gory and violent it was. I was shocked when I re-read what I had written at the beginning, and realized it was the same all the way through. Also, I have been confused on whether I'm a nice person or a mean person. I have been known to be funny and quite nice. My nickname at my school (though I won't say it due to someone might read this who knows the name) is the stereotype for being extremely nice and gentle. My football coach criticizes me for not being rough enough in practice, and that I have the strength but I'm just not using it. Another point of interest is my lack of affection for other people. I see everyone as ignorant and oblivious to the world around them. They all seem so pathetic to me. I thought that if everyone at the school I went to were lined up (including my "friends") and I was told to kick in the knees of every single one of them, I could do it without any regret. I would probably ENJOY it more than anything. Keep in mind I am not homicidal so don't freak out and call the cops or anything. I feel I could leave my family and move to a foreign country, never to see them again, and live the rest of my life just fine. This brings me to conclude I have never loved anyone, in the sense of TRULY loving them. I only tell my mother I love her if she says it first, and thats only to avoid arguement. Recently I have discovered my sleight of hand. I just recently snatched someone's wallet out of their pocket. It being empty anyway, I slid it in their backpack later. It is now VERY tempting to try it again, and the feeling is starting to get overwhelming.
I read online to research a little bit about it, and some things that caused sociopathic behavior were things I had. I am really poor, most of my things are things I worked to buy, as my family is bankrupt and unemployed. My father lives in another state, and my mother is mentally and physically ill on and off. I have been largely responsible for raising myself. As I researched sociopathy, I realized that there are not one, not a few, not even several, but TONS of qualities of a sociopath that match what I act like. I was shocked at how accurate some of them were.
But one thing is unclear to me: If I am indeed a sociopath, then how am I self aware of it? Is that possible? Also, I understand the difference between right and wrong, I just don't care.

Anyway, there is most (not all) of the info about my behaviors. I am seeing a councellor for a seperate issue, and still can't find the nerve to talk to anyone about this unless I'm anonymous. I realized alot of the things I do are wrong and may or may not offend some people, but please keep insults at a minimal.

My main questions:
-Am I a sociopath?
-Is there anything I can do to help myself?
-Is this a serious problem?
-Am I capable of love? Or am I just destined to ingore it?
-Is it possible other people know this about me?

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Old 04-25-2011, 03:56 PM   #2
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Aradia HB UserAradia HB User
Re: Am I a Sociopath?

I am one to think that all people are good and if they're bad something is happening emotionally, physically......something is wired wrong.... a chemical imbalance...something is not running right. I'm guessing you don't want to be this way right? want to feel empathy and all that stuff. I don't know if you are a sociopath or not, but I think looking for help is great. Not only will you save others from your pain, but you can save yourself from one day possibly being in jail...or even death row. I'm sure there are meds out there that can help you. Please do not stop looking for help!! BTW mental health people have heard it all...they are not there to judge you, they are there to help you. I'm sorry you are going through this.

Old 04-25-2011, 04:20 PM   #3
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Re: Am I a Sociopath?

Sociopaths don't call/label themselves sociopaths

Old 04-28-2011, 07:06 PM   #4
Join Date: Apr 2011
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PepperTheEarth HB User
Re: Am I a Sociopath?

I agree with larry...I'm not sure if a true sociopath would be able to self diagnose himself. It's wonderful that you're seeking counseling and I would certainly bring up the things you wrote here even though you say you are hesitant to discuss them. You may not be a sociopath but there may be some under lying issues that are making you feel the way you do.

& also to answer your questions

-Am I a sociopath?
No I don't believe so

-Is there anything I can do to help myself?
Yes! Talk to some one. A therapist would be ideal.

-Is this a serious problem?
In a way yes. You're detaching yourself from those
around you by saying you don't love anyone. Also you discussed
thievery and that is a problem! Petty thievery can evolve and even though it's wrong what's more important is that it's a crime

-Am I capable of love? Or am I just destined to ignore it?
A human being is capable of anything as long as they are willing
to try. You say you could never hurt your dog? Why not? Because you care about her. You are capable of caring. As for Love, for some people love takes a long time to grow.

-Is it possible other people know this about me?
I don't know. Maybe those close to you may sense something
is wrong but usually a person doesn't know the extent of what you're feeling unless you tell them. You mentioned that you have a Gentle nickname and from that alone I would think people have no idea

Last edited by PepperTheEarth; 04-28-2011 at 07:21 PM.

Old 05-01-2011, 07:08 PM   #5
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Re: Am I a Sociopath?

I would not agree that sociopaths cannot be self-aware that they are in fact sociopathic or psychopathic. This type of inability to be self aware would be true for someone who has schizophrenia or delusional disorder, but it is totally possible for a sociopath to know and understand that that's what he is. Usually, they will understand this in a basic way, it's just that they don't care and they really can't understand in a deeper way what they are missing.

It is hard to say at this point whether you have a psychopathic personality. The history of cruelty to animals is certainly concerning for sociopathy. Can you tell me which of the other traits of sociopaths describe you well? You said there were tons of the traits that you said you had. IT would be very helpful to know what exactly those things are.

I would be careful to assume that your family's poverty would be one of the causes of your problem. There are many, many rich and powerful people who are sociopaths. We just don't pay attention to them because they are enjoying relative "success."

Tell us more. There are several lists of signs that a person in question is a sociopath. However, some of those traits also overlap with other personality disorders.

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