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I don't understand what's happening to me

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Old 09-30-2011, 09:44 PM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Washington, D.C., USA
Posts: 2
obfuscated HB User
I don't understand what's happening to me

Hi everybody, I'm new here and this is my first post. I was inspired to post here, because I've been increasingly worried about my mental state.
I've been treated for depression since my early 20s. Now I'm in my early 40s, with a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder. Mostly, it's just been the depression, with which I've always dealt with antidepressents (I'm currently on my 7th med).
Over the past I'll say 3 years or so, this problem has been escalating.
I get BAD depersonalization with terrible paranoia and disorganized thoughts, and I can't even function...and it's getting more and more frequent.
I'm genuinely scared sometimes that I won't have any cognitive function left by the time I'm 50 (if I live that long, of course)
Why is this speeding up? I was managing for so long, and now, I lose most of the control over my brain like six times a year...I'm really scared, and my psychiatrist doesn't even know for sure what is wrong with me.

Any recommendations/observations would be most welcome. I'm grateful for any input.

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Old 10-01-2011, 09:10 PM   #2
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Re: I don't understand what's happening to me

Hello obfuscated. I think it's hard to say whether your symptoms are related to the depression, medication or something new altogether. Do you think it's possible the depersonalization, paranoia and disorganized thoughts may be side-effects of the medication you're taking? I'm not so sure about depersonalization, but I know some anti-depressants can cause paranoia and disorganized thoughts.

Have you talked to your psychiatrist about being referred to someone who could give you some answers for the problems you're facing?

Old 10-13-2011, 03:56 PM   #3
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: HB, CA, USA
Posts: 2
katbrat HB User
Re: I don't understand what's happening to me

Hey there,

I kinda experienced the same things you are...just shortened down to a few years. At fifteen years old, I was diagnosed with depression, started meds. At seventeen, I was diagnosed with bipolar. I was also considered medication resistant at the time.

Then my symptoms got worse. I had paranoia, full on paranoid delusions, which got stronger. My thinking was disorganized, so was my behavior. Psychs flat out told me they didn't know what was wrong with me.

At 19, I was diagnosed with schizoaffective bipolar type. It fit in with all of my symptoms: the paranoia, mood swings.

During the time I was 14 to 21, I suffered major depersonalization. I'm 24 now and can only remember very little of what happened to me during those years.

I worry about my mental health. Simple mathematics can be frustrating. My short memory is shot. I have no idea if this is from the schizo diagnosis or from the medications.

I would suggest talking to a psych about the paranoia and depersonalization. These symptoms could suggest that your diagnosis is incorrect or that your meds need to be changed...these are my theories. I hope all goes well for you.

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