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Relationship with a rape victim

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Old 08-07-2012, 02:23 AM   #1
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carpenoctem HB User
Relationship with a rape victim

Me and my girlfriend have known each other for about 6 months and have been officially dating for a couple weeks, we have been sexually active early in our official relationship and the other day the topic of virginity came up. I am 22 and I lost my virginity to her, She told me that I am the first person she has ever willingly been with however she was raped by a previous boyfriend.

The way she told me was fast and with a straight face, almost like it didn't really bother her but I feel like she feels ashamed about it and wanted the topic to shift quickly. So I let it. But I have very mixed and confused feelings about it.

About 15% of my feelings are for somewhat selfish reasons. More specifically, because I could have been her first but instead it was someone who forced himself on her. and 85% is the fact that I genuinely care for this girl and it reminds me that there was a time where I couldn't protect her. Please don't get me wrong I have absolutely no negative feelings towards my girlfriend, I still adore her.

I really want to talk to her about it let her know how I feel, and ask her questions. I want to know things like how many times it happened, Why she stayed in such an abusive relationship, etc... But I'm smart enough to know that these kinds of questions are uncomfortable and possibly horrifying. I wouldn't even know how to bring it up...

I feel like I really need to talk to someone about it, in fact it gave me nightmares last night in which I hunted down her previous boyfriend (whom I know absolutely nothing about) please help

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Old 08-22-2012, 10:34 PM   #2
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scarecrow447 HB Userscarecrow447 HB Userscarecrow447 HB User
Re: Relationship with a rape victim

I think that your feelings towards the previous boyfriend are normal for a man who loves the person it happened to. I would say that bringing it up once and seeing how she reacts is worth it. If she shoots it down then you know that it is too touchy of a subject for her to want to talk about until she is ready in her own mind to tell you the answers to your questions. If she tells you what you want to know then you can tell her the things you want to try and comfort her. Either way she responds atleast she knows that your worried about her even if she seems upset. I would have alot of patience with this subject though because you don't want to press her into shutting you off. Hope this helps good luck

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carpenoctem (09-04-2012)
Old 09-03-2012, 11:38 PM   #3
Join Date: Aug 2012
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carpenoctem HB User
Re: Relationship with a rape victim

Thanks, I told her how I was feeling and let her know that she didn't need to give me any deep explanation if she didn't want to. In the end I found out that she was just in a bad relationship in general, But I feel much better just putting my feelings towards it out there. And in the end he's no longer a part of her life and I am, so I'm content with that too.

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