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Angry at Myself Constantly

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Old 08-25-2012, 03:42 PM   #1
Snow White Rose
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Unhappy Angry at Myself Constantly

Hello there Well basically, I don't have a lot of self-confidence, and sometimes I can get seriously angry with myself, to the point where I consider self-harm. I was moved around the country a lot as a child and I was bullied a lot. This bullying continued until I was a teenager, and only ended just in February this year, and it was physical, as well as verbal. I think this may have let my self-confidence gone down the drain, as in those years I was very timid and hurting a lot on the inside, and I was too afraid to stand up for myself or say anything. As well as this, I have recently suffered from bereavement too - a close family member died in November 2011, and during this grief I was incredibly low, almost suicidal. I began to really get angry at myself and once or twice tried to hurt myself by scratching at my neck or starving.
Although almost a year later and I have recovered from the grief (and no longer hurt myself) I still find myself very critical and judgemental of who I am, I have an awful habit of looking down on how I act or what I do. I've let this voice grow in my mind, this voice telling me I can't do anything or never will do anything. But it's strange, because my mind is also fighting against this voice, and it's gotten to the point where I want this negative voice out of my head so badly

- I've tried so many things, counsellors, advice - nothing's worked. I've spoken to my parents about it but nothing has worked at all. I'm really frightened that one day I'll end up ill or in hospital, or just waste my life altogether :'(
This may be a build-up of what I've been through for the last few years, but I really don't know what to do, I'm really stuck, and I'm scared. I need help.
Thanks a lot.

Last edited by Administrator; 08-27-2012 at 04:54 PM.

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Old 08-25-2012, 07:14 PM   #2
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Re: Angry at Myself Constantly

You have not got over the grief at all. You channeled the pain into anger, and turned it on yourself. The need to feel the pain and go through it properly is what is causing you to hurt yourself. You have plenty of old stuff to feed the anger. First, deal with the grief and loss. There are grief counselors and groups which can help. Basically, after that, you will need to do some heavy work to sort out your anger and how past issues are affecting you. Sera

Old 09-24-2012, 04:14 PM   #3
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Re: Angry at Myself Constantly

Dear Snow White Rose,

The advice I am going to give is from experience and based on my own dealings with bullying and self-hating. It is probably not the most healthy or sound advice - which you should get from someone who is well-grounded like a therapist or a guidance counselor. Nevertheless, I want to share...

I have always been a little different than my peers (physically, different-looking, not considered attractive, not socially skilled, not fun). So there has always been a conflict in people's mind about how I should act based on my "low-class." This is my frank analysis. This has been the bullying. I didn't quite know exactly what to make of the bullying except that people probably didn't like me. Some do it for their own reasons and it is all just the pits. You are going to feel bad b/c it is so unfair and you don't do any bullying yourself to those meanies so why do they? It is all just the pits.

I have had to go through the growing pains of trying to change myself into something acceptable. It has worked for somethings, and it backfired for others. This is healthy in some ways and unhealthy in other ways (when you change what's good and unique about you when you should be changing what is bad about you).

You have to find a solid, grounded person who cares about you and who you would like to be like and have them in your life.
Please go about life in a positive way. Don't be so hard on yourself as I was on me. Find love. Do good. Find a way to love yourself. Don't let the negative stop you from living a happy life.

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