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simisayz 09-16-2012 02:06 AM

Not sure what to do (am I bipolar?)
Hi, I'm new here. I'm a teen, and I think I may have bipolar and I'm not sure what to do.

I'm sure that I've had depressive episodes before - I think they started when I was about 12, and they've come and gone since then. During that time, I cut regularly.

I kind of assumed that I couldn't have an actual problem though, mostly because in between those episodes I didn't just go back to "normal", I went beyond that. I'm normally a slightly introverted person and have pretty high moral standards. However, I feel like I'm barely myself anymore. When I'm not depressed, I'm almost always what I think is hypomanic. For weeks on end, I sleep about 3 hours a night and am extremely energetic, charismatic (I think), extroverted, have a really really high opinion of myself, and am much more sexual than I usually am.

I tried using a mood tracker to see if these mood swings went along with my period, but they don't seem to. The depressed parts last about 2 months, sometimes more, and the hypomanic parts are 2-3 weeks, with very little "normal" between them. One of the strangest things is that usually when I try to stop cutting, I have pretty bad withdrawal for at least the first three weeks. However, when I'm in an up period, the urge to cut goes away completely with no withdrawal at all.

My mom's asked me if I was depressed in the past and whether I wanted to see a psychiatrist. I've always said no, even though I wanted to, because I don't want anyone to worry about me. A couple of months ago, I was really low and tried to tell her that I thought I was bipolar, but it probably didn't really come across because I was sobbing the whole time - it's like I'm physically unable to say things. I don't know who I can talk to.

I know that as stress keeps building in the next couple of years, this will just get worse. School has completely fallen apart, I can't get anything done because I'm either too tired or too hyper to be productive, and my relationships with other people are deteriorating too. I want to figure this out before it destroys everything even more.

(sorry this is so long)

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