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  • I've lost all hopes, Can anybody help?

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    Old 11-14-2013, 02:44 AM   #1
    lostinmymind's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2013
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    lostinmymind HB User
    Unhappy I've lost all hopes, Can anybody help?

    Hello all!
    First of all thanks for taking time to reading my thread, I just joined HB...
    I'm 22 years old male, suffering from I don't know what, but whatever it is, it has ruined everything in my life... I've been to psychiatrists, but it didn't help me at all, they didn't listen to all what I wanted to say, or they got the vital points they needed, anyway, it didn't help me at all. I suspect that I maybe wasn't able to communicate myself successfully... anyway, I have took some time to write what I'm experiencing, hope that helps, I need opinion from you guys to what should I do.

    I'd start with my life story, I was a lazy but smart student from the start, which still got good grades and was highly creative in his own way, wasn't much talkative, a bit of shy type but had a happy and satisfactory life. I don't know what started to strike me since the age of 15 (Like after one year of when my puberty started)... I got to be tensed, stressed, my muscles of neck and shoulders were like contracted, could be easily frightened by any loud voice/sound... It gradually got worse, affecting my learning capabilities, social skills, communication skills, and many vital skills...

    I gave up and can't fight with whatever I am fighting anymore...

    Anyway here are few of my symptoms that I feel nowadays.

    #Have very poor memory
    #Whenever I'm tired, sleepless, or get attention of others or do something socially awkward I'm in worse condition.
    #I can't concentrate on anything, can concentrate for a very little time and then get bored, and leave that activity for something else.
    #I've no personality
    #Do things without thinking about their consequences
    #Became so immature, even at 16 I could make decision my easily and faster
    #Uncertain feelings
    #Always feeling that I need to do something
    #Can't relax at all
    #Have difficulty to learn new things
    #Always have keep my feet or hands moving, rubbing to each other or shaking them
    #Don't have a stable mood
    #Always want to have fun
    #Can't wait at all, just want to rush through everything and get results
    #Waiting for someone or something is extremely difficult
    #Do not feel sad or depressed
    #I'm always late, always late.
    #Always doing procrastination in my tasks, poor in performing chores
    #Every thing I've to do seems like a hell of burden
    #Disorganized as hell, everything in my life is a mess, mentally and physically everything around me.
    #Get bored easily
    #I feel that I've enormous mental energy
    #Speaking/Talking problems, forget words
    #Classmates which are very less intelligent than me are getting good grades than me
    #Seems like failing in life
    #Have no motivation to work, just have pressure/stress that I need to do work.
    #Have no sense of comfort
    #Overlook things
    #Get worried too much about if things go wrong
    #Can't handle frustration
    #Became very pessimistic
    #Mentally very weak, am like a 10 years.
    #I'm not opinionated
    #Have no manly personality
    #Get angry quickly but always absorb that anger, else if I burst it, it will make me feel very guilty
    #Have very low or no self esteem at all
    #Can do much for people and expect much
    #Get disheartened very easily
    #Giveup very easily
    #Muscles of my shoulders and neck seems to be always stretched
    #Get nervous very easily
    #Forget things much
    #It take a lot of effort to listen to others carefully and what they want to say
    #Remembering names are very much difficult
    #No determined
    #Change my decisions quickly
    #Get impressed easily
    #Masturbation makes me feel worse
    #Can't stop thinking, thinking all the time
    #Trouble falling asleep, have a little sleep
    #I'm not aware of myself, what am I, what attributes I have, remember things from my past but can't connect or make a meaningful connection, am undecided about my life and my past.
    #Not mental clear
    #Not at all mentally alert
    #It makes me mentally dumb
    #can't make meaning of things
    #I have 130+ IQ, took some tests online
    #Can't talk or convey my message fluently
    #Communication skills problems
    #Social skills problems
    #Have very less feelings
    #Forget things that where I put them
    #Am very sensitive, very much.
    #Always feel like something pressure on my brain, keeping it from relaxing, it's like stretched, and can't do mental work at all
    #I run from mental work
    #Am extremely tired from the mental work
    #Do not want to do mental work, or if I do, I get so tensed
    #I can't stop talking
    #Get excited too quickly
    #No serious attitude towards life
    #Have lost the track of everything
    #I don't know whatever I'm suffering from, but it's in worse shape and made my life difficult, made my hopes destroyed, I gave up even when I'm so young.
    #Got scared easily from a loud sound or voice
    #Get scared easily or feel extremely uncomfortable when someone touch my feet
    #Doing things and talking about things without thinking what I mean to, but am just talking or doing things which I do not know where is leading me
    #mental cloudiness
    #Started from the age of 16, just turned 22 now.
    #I think I have/had depression and anxiety but the main cause is something else behind it.
    #If you tell me four names at a time, I will have very much difficulty to repeat them after you.
    #My mind feels turned off
    #I'm very little better when I'm very rested and have good health.
    #Slow thinking process
    #Do a lot of work at the same time.
    #No concept of relaxation, just work work and work.
    #Get afraid easily or things
    #Feels to have no goal in life or goal not getting completed
    #I start studying but can't continue, get lost in something else, or is very difficult for me, I need a lot of motivation to do it... I run from the things where mental work is needed.
    #Have very passive personality
    #Feel like I deserve nothing.
    #No matter how tired I am, can't go to sleep easily, like my mind is keeping me awake.
    #Take and personal offending so serious, can even go to fight a person for very small thing
    #Get angry quickly.
    #Can't remember lyrics of the songs, or remember conversations.
    #I am super intelligent sometimes, can outrun any smartest person.
    #Feel pain and feel weak in body.
    #Skip through details, just want the result, don't want to work at all (can't) but want results.

    Had also tested my T levels, it's around 670.

    Previous meds I took:
    #More than 3 months I took Serline (Sertraline HCL) 10mg, then Serline 100mg for like 4 months, then changed my medicine to Paroxin 10 mg and Piride 10 mg took them for like 1 year... They all felt like a waste, no positive effect at all, then left it.

    #Took Cipralex 10mg for a month, no effect at all.

    And when I took the very first antidepressant pill in first few hours, I've felt like my concentration and mind started working, then... nothing, everything is back to normal.

    :Had a very little CBT for my depression

    #Social Phobia

    My thoughts:
    #I've looked my symptoms online, searched about a lot of mental diseases.... the two diseases I think I might have one of them or both are ADHD and Bipolar Disorder.

    PS- I've my two other siblings diagnosed depression.

    Last edited by Administrator; 11-14-2013 at 08:01 AM.

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