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  • Am i a sociopath?

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    Old 02-01-2015, 11:07 PM   #1
    Luke1992
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    Am i a sociopath?

    I have come about this just by pure chance, i never thought i had anything wrong with me except anger issues and a drink problem. I am 23 years old and just friday night i got drunk with my friends down the pub and went to my exs house and kicked the door in, i dont really know why i did it except for she told me to come round earlier that night and she wouldnt let me in. Her mum was there and i tried to fight her brother before the police where called. I dont feel guilty and i feel like it wasnt my fault because she invited me round and i was stuck out in the cold with no phone to contact her so i knocked and woke her brother up. I messaged her mum the next day to pretend to be sympathetic so she didnt press charges, ive managed to kind of worm my way out of it.
    I was abused as a child by my older brother who forced me and my younger sister to have sex and through my teenage years no one knew, I dont have a good relationship with my dad, he had a very troubled childhood and our family was known as the hard men of the town. My dad often talks about fighting like its a good thing and we used to sit round and listen to all his stories of him beating up policemen and going to prison. I dont really care about anyone around me, the last time i cried was when my friend died from taking dodgy drugs. I feel like i have to put on emotion to get what i want or to get myself out of a situation. Ive cheated on my girlfriend for the 2 years ive been with her, i thought i loved her, she is unbelieably stunning and ive realised now i looked at her as a trophy girlfriend and i didnt actually care for her, the only time i did care was when she broke up with me because i felt like she wasnt my possession anymore, i am quite good with woman and will tell them what ever they want to hear and often get found out for lying to them or found out that i had a girlfriend. In school i was really clever, i was in all the top sets and i purposely ruined my gcses by bunking off and playing up in class for fun. As im writing this im starting to think maybe i do have a problem because this all sounds messed up. I dont care about any of my friends and i keep them around because of what they can do for me. 2 years ago i stole my last girlfriend off of my best friend just because i wanted her and thought i was better than him. I get drunk every weekend and the only reason i dont drink in the week anymore is because i do night shifts. Ive had a drink problem from around 15 and used to drink frosty jacks bottles when i didnt have work, ive stopped that now. I want to sort my life out and i dont know if im just thinking im a sociopath as a excuse for my behaviour or what. if im not a sociopath then i dont know what is wrong with me. I think im also addicted to sex, which i hear is quite common in people who have been abused. I get into fights all the time because i like the thought of people fearing me. I can act different and i can be very respectful to people i dont know, a lot of people who barely know me say how nice i am but the people who know me know how much of a idiot i can be. I lie about a lot of things and even get caught up in them i dont even know if its a lie or im telling the truth. All that ive said in this is the truth though. Could someone tell me if theres any way i can get help because all ive read is basically if you are a sociopath then there is no one who can help you and to stay well clear. I dont really want to be like this, i want to feel feelings i want to love, I can myself messing my life up soon and i want help before it becomes irreversible. Any suggestions welcomed about what i can do. Ive just read this back and ive made myself out to be a lot worse than i actually am. This isnt a day in day out thing, I can be a really nice person and am well liked

     
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    Old 02-01-2015, 11:31 PM   #2
    Seraph
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    Re: Am i a sociopath?

    I believe from reading your post, that you are a very damaged and angry person, and with good reason. You clearly are over your depth in your life and really need some therapeutic intervention or counselling. I also believe that your detachment and lack of normal emotions is due to deep depression. You are not a sociopath, you have the capacity to be hurt and feel, and to have insight into your behaviour. A sociopath would not believe there was anything out of the normal. Please try to find a counselling service that treats survivors of childhood abuse and work your way back to feeling like a worthwhile person. This has been stolen from you. Sera

     
    Old 02-02-2015, 02:28 AM   #3
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    Re: Am i a sociopath?

    Hi Seraph, why do i feel that im normal and that anything i do isnt as bad as im making out. I dont feel like im bothered about my abuse, i went through my teen years where it completely messed me up but now i can talk about it, i think the worst thing about it is all my family know and theyve just swept it under the carpet and pretended it didnt happen like its my dirty secret. I told my ex and in a row she said that i deserved to get abused and that im disgusting for ******* my sister. that hurt for a bit but i think im over all of it, is it normal to feel alright about it or am i actually suffering? Would counciling actually help because i dont want to get depressed and start drinking heavily again if it brings back emotion that im not ready for but then again i cant carry on doing these criminal things

     
    Old 02-02-2015, 02:49 AM   #4
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    Re: Am i a sociopath?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Luke1992 View Post
    Hi Seraph, why do i feel that im normal and that anything i do isnt as bad as im making out. I dont feel like im bothered about my abuse, i went through my teen years where it completely messed me up but now i can talk about it, i think the worst thing about it is all my family know and theyve just swept it under the carpet and pretended it didnt happen like its my dirty secret. I told my ex and in a row she said that i deserved to get abused and that im disgusting for ******* my sister. that hurt for a bit but i think im over all of it, is it normal to feel alright about it or am i actually suffering? Would counciling actually help because i dont want to get depressed and start drinking heavily again if it brings back emotion that im not ready for but then again i cant carry on doing these criminal things
    You feel that you are normal because you don't know any other way to be. You do not have to be angry and uncaring. You say you are no longer bothered about your abuse, yet everything you write after that says very clearly that you ARE still very much bothered. You are afraid of experiencing pain and hurt, but under a good counsellor or therapist, you can get past that. In a lot of ways you are still that child who is betrayed, abused, ashamed and helpless. You lash out, you cannot trust anyone, you are on your own. You heed a caring listener who will not judge or blame you. You are clearly a very strong person for having survived more or less intact, and you show a lot of insight. You just need help for the final stages of getting your life and self back. Keep writing, keep a journal which is very helpful for sorting out thoughts and emotions. Sera

     
    Old 02-02-2015, 03:12 AM   #5
    Luke1992
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    Re: Am i a sociopath?

    I don't think that is the problem with why I act like I do, I barely think about it and that seems like not a very good excuse to go out and commit criminal offences, this isn't the first time I've been in trouble with the police, they can't all be related to being abused. There's got to be something else behind why I don't care about people or my behaviour, I have a very big problem with authority and the only reason I can think of why that is maybe because I was forced into that sexual incounter by someone who I thought at the time was a authority figure maybe? My other brother who I get on really well with went to prison when I was a teenager for shooting someone with a co2 gun and I don't think he went through any sexual abuse but my dad treated him a lot worse than me, maybe it's genetic meantal health because obviously my older brother has problems for making me do that with my younger sister and my other brother has problems since he went to prison. Luckily enough my sister is fine and I don't think she knows

     
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