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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

losing hope


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Old 06-02-2006, 10:06 AM   #1
ibelieve
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losing hope

(this might get long, but i need to vent. thanks)

I've been down in the dumps lately. I think I'm exhausted from the consuming thoughts I've had the past year and a half. I wish for once my first thought when I wake up and the last thought before I go to sleep wouldn't be "What if it happens a 3rd time, what if I never carry one?"

I try to get excited about trying again, and remember it should be fun. But trying to keep it fun and not scientific is hard. And all the while, in the back of my mind I'm thinking it's a waste of time b/c I'll probably lose the next one too. I never used to be this negative. I was always carefree and fun and positive. But i don't even want to see my friends anymore. THEY get to have babies normally like millions of other women. And now they are talking about ttc #2. I can't handle that, I just can't. Just when I think things may be looking up, lo and behold I start spotting at wierd times in my cycle, and I haven't even ovulated yet and it's already day 18. I'm usually perfect day 14. Geez. Plus the docs office called and reminded me of my annual pap this month. I cried all day after that b/c I scheduled that appt right after my last pap. We were going home to start trying again, so the receptionist winked and told me I wouldn't keep this appt b/c I would either be pg or recently delivered. But no, I get to go sit with preggos and be the pitiful girl who lost yet another baby and is still not pg.

sorry so long, but i needed to get this off my chest.

 
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Old 06-02-2006, 10:12 AM   #2
beforeXdishonor
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Re: losing hope

Please don't be so down!
I have no clue what you're going thru, but I've been TTC for so long now and I know how depressing it can be to not have a baby, and to be around people who do.
Have you been checked out by a fertility specialist? Is anything wrong that's causing you to M/C?
I can't imagine how it feels to actually lose the baby you finally concieved, I'm sure it's very hard. You seem like a very strong woman! You need to just hang in there, stay positive and focused, and keep trying for that beautiful baby. Because when you do deliver, it will be the most happy experience for you to know it finally happened. And with this, you will never take your childs life for granted, EVER.
I hope everything works out for you and you have a healthy and successfull pregnancy soon!

 
Old 06-02-2006, 12:32 PM   #3
Purple Hugs
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Re: losing hope

((hugs))
It's not easy not conceiving and with added miscarriages it may be something you need to talk to your gp about. Your mood is bound to dip and become low. it's only natural.

How old are you? could you maybe take a break from tyring and then hopefully this will allow your body to heal itself and get it's routine back.

Just an idea.. but don't totally rule out a baby again.. you never know when you aren't trying.. it may happen!

 
Old 06-04-2006, 10:15 AM   #4
jlowe
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Re: losing hope

first of all i want to say that i am sorry for your loss. i have recently sufferred my 4th miscarriage in a row . i have been consumed with getting pregnant over the past 2 years and i understand how you feel. if i can tell you anything it is to let yourself grieve and if you decide to keep trying be as proactive with your treatment as possible. have you seen a reproductive endocrinologist? there are many problems which can be easily corrected,but you just have to find out why you are miscarrying. please don't give up hope and best wishes

 
Old 06-04-2006, 04:18 PM   #5
ibelieve
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Re: losing hope

Thank you all for your kind words. I am feeling better now, but we all know how it goes...great one day and terrible the next.

Yes, I have gone to an RE, had extensive testing which all came back normal. While it was great news, I am a little frustrated that I don't have an answer. I kinda wish we'd have found a "very simple" something to fix. Then I would go into the next pg with a little more hope. Now it's just a wait and see.

I am so glad I have this board. None of my friends have experienced this, so it's great to have "online buddies" who are so supportive and informative. God Bless you all.

 
Old 06-05-2006, 05:01 AM   #6
pantera78
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Re: losing hope

i know wat you are going through coz that's wat i've just experinced...one missed miscarriage last january and a 99% misscarriage last friday (still checking things out).
be strong and try not to put yrself down.
it's hard and most people around you cant understand you coz they've not beed through this situation.
i keep on hearing people and friends say "c'mon you still young...you will have kids dont worry, its just notthe right time" and even though i know it's true it still hurts alot coz no one knows wat i'm feeling.
but i have high hopes and i'm gonna keep on trying....but before i'm doing some test to see if anythigs wrong and we move from there.

good luck and god bless!!

 
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