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trouble coping

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Old 07-07-2006, 03:08 AM   #1
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 27
whisperton HB User
trouble coping

i just need to let this out. i have been grieving for almost a month now about a miscarriage that i had last year. i think i supressed the event because it wasn't until the time when the baby would have been due that this awful wave of grief hit me. i am married now but the miscarriage happened with someone i was with before my husband (yes, we got engaged quite soon after we started dating, but when you know he's the one, you know, we've been together 10 months now and married for 2.5) this gives me added sadness because i feel like it will upset him if i talk to him about it any more than i have. i wasnt really "with" the person who got me pregnant, and he doesn't even know about any of this and i feel so alone and am so lost right now. my head is going in all different directions and i think this whole depression has actually given me pregnancy symptoms, i have been feeling nausea, tender breasts, even had spotting. shows you how powerful stress can be. my husband has been very supportive but i feel i may be upsetting him.
but i just needed to vent a bit, get these feeling off my chest. will these feelings ever go away? i feel like there is no end to them until i actually have a baby one day.

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Old 07-07-2006, 03:36 AM   #2
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: England, UK
Posts: 176
Kathp HB User
Re: trouble coping

The pain of losing a pregnancy/child at any stage is something you will never forget. However, not forgetting doesn't mean the pain will be forever raw. It is perfectly natural for you to be greiving... you are remembering your lost baby at this very poignant time.

I'm sure your husband wants to support you in anyway he can; don't feel like you can't talk to him. If you're hurting, he will be too. Just because it wasn't his baby, doesn't mean he won't understand or want to be there for you; he is your husband and he will want you to help you.

However, if you still feel unable to confide in him, try talking to a friend, family member or even a counsellor. Also, I've found it incredibly theraputic reading/responding to/writing posts on this board and communicating with women who gone through similar experiences. If you feel you may actually be depressed, talk to your doctor about your options to help you cope.

Don't punish yourself by feeling guilty for being upset one year on; everybody is different and there is no time limit on grief. I'm absolutely positive it will get better for you, but you will probably always feel a little bit sad around significant dates, but that is to be expected. I pray that you very soon get your happy ending. We are always here to listen whenever you need to vent. Much love, Kath.

Last edited by Kathp; 07-07-2006 at 03:39 AM.

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