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  • 19 weeks and threatened miscarriage- burial???

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    Old 02-15-2008, 08:44 PM   #1
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    19 weeks and threatened miscarriage- burial???

    I am currently 19 weeks pregnant and I have had a very complicated pregnancy so far. So much so that I didn't even know I was pregnant untill I was already 12 weeks because I had been getting what I thought was my period for 3 months... It turns out I have a low lying placenta and have still been having a lot of issues with bleeding, sometimes cramping and pains. I've had several 4D ultrasounds and the baby so far seems okay although the heart rate has been a little low at times and my amniotic fluid levels are also low... I have grown very attached to this child, my 2nd, a boy. My first was a girl. We already have named him Simon, I have ultrasound photo's that are so perfect it's like looking at a photograph, one where he even seems like he's smiling at me... He is adorable, and perfect... I fear the worst, the very good possibility of a miscarriage...

    In the event we want to be prepared. However, we have gotten some strange remarks from Drs when we ask what happens to a baby that is miscarried this early, they don't seem to want to tell us and we've been told at funeral homes that they have never buried such young babies which they consider Fetus'... I do not consider this just a fetus. This is my son... Any information or advice, similar experiences??? Has anyone else had a miscarriage around 19 weeks or later, and what happened to your baby????

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    Old 02-19-2008, 12:15 PM   #2
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    Re: 19 weeks and threatened miscarriage- burial???

    Hi there...I lost my twins at 18 weeks due to premature separation of the placenta from Baby A. My pregnancy was so healthy until I was 16 weeks. First I started to bleed a little bit and a fever of 104. I guess that was already a sign of infection. Again with placenta abruption they told me bedrest until I give birth but with mine it separated too early so they have to terminate my pregnancy. I delivered both of my twin girls and I get to see them and you can hold them (if you want) but I was crying so hard and seeing them both so healthy and normal just too young to survive outside....I just can't believe this was happening to me was so hard...I just can't hold them if I can't bring them home.

    Less than 20 weeks they considered it a miscarriage...after that it is stillbirth. The hospital gave me a keepsake box.

    Goodluck to's hard just take it easy and focus that you're going to have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby.

    Old 02-21-2008, 01:09 AM   #3
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    Re: 19 weeks and threatened miscarriage- burial???

    First off I want to say ((hugs)). I will say a prayer that Simon will be a healthy baby boy. I also don't understand the fetus thing. It sounds so impersonable. He IS your son. God forbid if he were to pass away and you would want a burial tell them that. Im sure they will have to honor your wishes. But were sure your not going to have to worry about it.

    Old 02-22-2008, 12:30 PM   #4
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    Re: 19 weeks and threatened miscarriage- burial???

    My friend lost her daughter right after she found out it was a girl, so I'm guessing 18-20 weeks? Anyway, the hospital made hand and foot prints and impressions, then they cremated her baby. They gave her the hand, feet prints and impressions, and gave her the babies ashes in a heart locket.

    I have heard of women having a funeral and services for babies lost that early, so if thats what you want I'm sure someone out there would be willing to make you wishes a reality.

    Praying for your baby to be sticky and make it through this!
    Love my husband, Patrick, married November 2003
    Love my big girl, Kendra Eileen, November 2005
    Love my baby girl, Breenklee Hazel, September 2007

    Old 02-23-2008, 07:37 PM   #5
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    Re: 19 weeks and threatened miscarriage- burial???

    This is not necessarily true.... our son, Eric, was just under the 20 week timeframe you talk about, and he was technically born "alive." He had a beating heart.... that was what we were told was the determining factor in Eric's case. We were told we needed to name him, could (and did) have him baptized, and then we had to bury him. We also had insurance issues to contend with because the insurance company said we didn't register him upon his "birth." How could all this happen if the child was a "miscarriage"? Why would anyone think to register a "miscarriage"? A stillbirth is just what it says.... a non-moving, non viable child at his/her delivery....born "still".... gestational age does not matter.

    I am soooooooooo sorry for anyone's loss and don't mean any disrespect with this post... just trying to answer based on our experience. This was fifteen years ago and I realize things may have changed.... but then again, maybe not. With all the different views of when life begins, it's all so confusing and such a gray area that the medical community needs to put some definition to. I always chose to believe what was in my heart.... through all nine of our losses.

    May those of you having difficult pregnancies never have to face this sort of separation with your child/children. My husband and I persevered and have a 19-year-old son (born premature, but that's a whole other topic) who is one of the nicest people you'll ever meet. It was worth every heartache we went through to bring him into the world. Keep a positive attitude and always, always follow your heart. God bless you and keep you strong.

    Less than 20 weeks they considered it a miscarriage...after that it is stillbirth. The hospital gave me a keepsake box.

    Last edited by hey19; 02-25-2008 at 06:35 AM.

    Old 02-25-2008, 10:43 AM   #6
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    Re: 19 weeks and threatened miscarriage- burial???

    I am soo so sorry for all of your losses, while I have m/c twice they were both very early on well um so yeah I am really very very sorry

    Old 02-26-2008, 09:30 AM   #7
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    Re: 19 weeks and threatened miscarriage- burial???

    Miscarriage/infertility/child deaths..... it's all so tough.

    Two miscarriages or twenty, it's never easy when you desperately want to have children...they are such precious "gifts."

    I'm sorry for everyone who has difficulty.

    Last edited by hey19; 02-26-2008 at 09:30 AM.

    Old 07-23-2008, 06:01 AM   #8
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    Re: 19 weeks and threatened miscarriage- burial???

    I'm so sorry you had to endure so many loses. I too lost a baby at 19 wks and just finding out it's considered a "miscarriage" because the baby was under 20 wks gestation. I completely disagree. I feel I gave birth to a baby. I went through epideral for the pain, pushing, removal of the after birth... I was also given the option of a keepsakes box with the babies foot and hand prints and given the option of a burial. My husband and I declined it all and couldn't bear to see the baby after he/she was born. We don't want to have any more memories of that horrific day. I have pictures of my sonograms and that's all I will keep as a memory of my baby. I don't think my husband and I can go through this again...

    Old 07-23-2008, 03:27 PM   #9
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    Re: 19 weeks and threatened miscarriage- burial???

    My niece was a stillbirth and we had a burial for her, but my sister-in-law was about 38 weeks along.

    What we found out was the laws are different from state to state on how they dertermine stillbirth and miscarriage. They lived on the state line and one state differed from the other. The difference being was in how they issued a birth certificate and a death certificate. You might want to check your local laws regarding these issues.

    Good luck and I too will be praying for your and your baby.

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