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    Old 01-17-2009, 11:16 AM   #1
    madilynsmommy
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    stillbirth at 27 weeks when to try again

    My daughter was born sleeping at 27 weeks on December 10, 2008. I was devastated. My pregnancy went perfectly and I didn't have any problems, but I hadn't felt her move in a day or two so I went to get her heartbeat checked at my doctors. They couldn't find it. They had two nurses come in and try to find it and they couldn't and then I had an ultra sound that revealed that my baby daughter was no longer living. After I delivered her they found the cord was wrapped around her stomach and neck and it was pretty snug. They sent off for an autopsy and everything with her was fine as was all my blood work. They found that the cord had been crimped off and nutrients and oxygen weren't getting through due to her being wrapped in it. My doctor said this is something that should never happen to me again but it's hard to believe. I am wondering how soon I should try again. My doctor said two periods or even before that, so even after just one I could try again. I really want another baby as does my husband. We had planned Madilyn and really want to have a baby here with us to take care of. I am just worried because I have read a lot on the internet and a lot of people say at least 3 months and some say 6 months and even a year. I'm not sure what to do. My period returned one month after I gave birth, so my husband and I are ttc again already, but I'm just worried if it is too soon because I don't want to have a miscarriage becuase of getting pregnant too soon. I am my original weight before I got pregnant, so I don't have any pregnancy weight to lose or anything. I've continued taking my prenatal vitamins. Anyone have any advice? Do you think ttc after only one period is too soon?

    Madilyn's Mommy

     
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    Old 01-19-2009, 07:44 PM   #2
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    Re: stillbirth at 27 weeks when to try again

    Hello

    I am sorry for the loss of Madilyn. I know you must be feeling so many emotions right now including post partum hormones which add to the mess.

    I lost my son at 36 weeks during delivery and that was four years ago. I was like you wanting to try again right away. I coudn't because of medical complication I had to take blood thinners and was advised of birth defects if I got pregnant on it. After taking it for 6 months I went off and began to plot my next pregnancy. Happily I became pregnant on the first try and we gave birth to a healthy baby boy in August of 06.

    I had to do some things differently such as give myself shots everyday and see specialists, even though the cause of his death was unknown. It seemed to work as I did not experience the same symptoms of swelling and slowed movement in my second pregnancy.

    Look, most people will tell you to wait, let yourself heal, blah blah. I say, do what you need to do for yourself. If you are ready now, then go for it. I don't think your body will mind, more so you will mentally and emotionally have some difficulty, but being the circumstance, that will always be the case most likely. As with me I had a c-section so it was important for me to give my body time to heal physically.

    Its great that you got your period back. Mine never came back on its own and I began to panic thinking I was experiencing early menopause. I was put on progesterone and I was never in my life happier to see my period arrive.

    If you feel ready then you are. For me, my healing didn't even begin until I found out I was pregnant again. If it weren't for my son (now 2) I think I would be doing a lot worse.

    Do what feels right to you and what will bring you the most healing. Having something postive to focus on can work wonders.

    Let us know how it goes.
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    Old 01-24-2009, 08:40 PM   #3
    2angelsnheaven
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    Re: stillbirth at 27 weeks when to try again

    I only had one period after I lost Daphny before I became preggers again. In fact I asked my doctor that very same question and he said that there is no "text book" time frame to try again after experiencing a loss like that. You try when you are ready, and your husband of coarse! Good luck!

     
    Old 01-25-2009, 05:13 PM   #4
    madilynsmommy
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    Re: stillbirth at 27 weeks when to try again

    I have another question. I'm almost 22 and Madilyn was my first child. I just lost her in December. A lot of my friends (5 friends) and cousins (3 cousins) who are all around my age are all pregnant and 5 of them are due in March when I was (two are even due the same exact day I was). My boss' wife is also due a couple days before I was. My very best friend who I work with and see almost on a daily basis found out she was pregnant not too long before I lost Madilyn. She's 15 weeks now. She had planned to give me a baby shower. Now since everything has happened it has been very hard for me. Especially since everyone is due in March. I'm a department manager at Wal Mart. Everyone knew I was pregnant and always was asking me about it and talking about it since my mom works there as well and most of the people I work with are my mom's age and have known me since I was about 2 years old. Now it's hard because when I go on breaks and stuff it used to be everyone talking about and asking about Madiliyn and now it's completely switched to my friend and her baby. I know people are excited about her having a baby and everything but it is extremely hard to listen to them and her as well. At work she talks about babies all day long and says things like, "Let's do something fun. Let's go look at baby stuff and clothes." She even sends me texts messages about what baby names I like the most for her baby. She also said she better have a girl and if she has a boy she will be very upset and cry. She was in a relationship with her boyfriend, but as soon as she got pregnant she broke up with him (not saying there is anything wrong with that). It's hard because she has told me that abortion crossed her mind and that if she could switch me places she would. I know she was just trying to be nice, but that really bothered me because having gone through what I have gone through I would never switch places with someone else. I wouldn't want anyone to go through it, but my baby is my baby and I couldn't believe she would even say that (maybe I am just taking it the wrong way). Now she is worried about who is going to give her a baby shower. That's all she has been talking about lately. I guess being her friend it is my duty. Is it wrong of me to not be up to giving her a baby shower? I'm just not sure. I love her and I truly am happy that she is having a baby, but I don't think people understand how hard it is to hear about other babies all day long. I know people always tell me that I'm so strong and that they wouldn't be able to manage and stuff. It kind of bothers me because yes I know I am a strong person, but it makes me feel like they think I'm not hurting about what happened or that I'm okay with it. They act like they would break down and not even be able to function and since I'm not doing that they think everything is okay. I don't know I guess I need some advice.

     
    Old 01-26-2009, 04:32 AM   #5
    2angelsnheaven
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    Re: stillbirth at 27 weeks when to try again

    Ummmmm....no. She was NOT trying to be nice hon. That was the most inconciderate thing she could have said to you. She wished she could trade places with you? After saying that an abortion has "crossed her mind"? I call bull **it. You are NOT required and/or expected to throw ANYONE a baby shower right now. You, my friend, are still in mourning. What a TREMENDOUS loss you've experienced! If they can't have the common concideration of you to respect that??? Oh hoho! You trully work with some dysfuntional people and if it were me?? I'd find a different job. Out of town. I've lost 2 babies with my husband. Daphny I lost in November. I do have 4 (live)kids though. So losing your first??? I have no idea what that must feel like and hunny....I am so terribly sorry for your loss! You ARE a strong woman. It takes guts to go through something like that and come out standing tall! So why apoligize for the way you feel? You KNOW it pisses you off to no end that they are being inconciderate of your feelings. They want you to think of them and their babies and , basically, RUB IT IN YOUR FACE......but they don't have the decency to have their "baby-talk" when you're not around? To give you time to grieve? Work is NOT a place for that kind of talk anyway. They should be doing that at home. It's ok to be happy for their pregnancies WITHOUT having to BE a part of it givin the circumstances! I would say, absolutly NO baby showers for you untill you're done mourning Madilyn. It may be weeks or months or even years but DON'T do it until YOU are ok. B/C obviously you're not now. Have you been in contact with a grief councelor?

     
    Old 01-26-2009, 09:59 AM   #6
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    Re: stillbirth at 27 weeks when to try again

    I don't know if they realize how much them talking about my friend having a baby bothers me. I haven't came right out and said it. There are so many people pregnant that we know of right now it is kind of crazy. I don't feel comfortable telling them not to talk about babies and it's not really when someone mentions babies in passing, but when my friend talks about it all day long every day. I know that it's what is on her mind, but it's hard. Since she is not with her boyfriend anymore she says that she doesn't feel that excited about having a baby sometimes and since what happened to me she says she's scared and stuff (she tells me how she wouldn't be able to handle it and doesn't know how I can) and talks about not wanting to gain a lot of weight with her pregnancy. I didn't gain very much with mine, but I had a lot of morning sickness for the first 5 1/2 months. She oftens says she hopes she's like me and doesn't gain a lot of weight and eats lean cuisines for lunch. She still lives at home with her parents. It kind of frustrates me because I was totally opposite about my pregnancy. It was a planned pregnancy. My whole family and my husband's family were extremely excited about it. I didn't care if I gained weight or not. I'm not saying she doesn't deserve to have a baby it's just hard to hear all this stuff when I wanted a baby so bad and didn't get one, but someone who doesn't really care one way or another gets one. Sometimes I feel she talks negatively about it because she thinks it'll make me feel better than her being extremely excited and rubbing it in my face or something. I'd much rather her be excited about it than not, but I don't want to go look at baby stuff with her and get text messages all day long about what she should name her baby. I know you would think that people would be considerate of me just having lost my baby, but sometimes I don't think it even crosses their minds, which it probably doesn't. It should at least cross my friend's mind though. I don't know I am definitely overwelmed and to top it all off my 25 year old brother has complete kidney failure and needs a transplant and his best bet is probably going to be either our other brother or me. I don't know what I should do there either because if I donate my kidney it'll put off trying for another baby for quite some time and I don't know if I can take waiting, but I love my brother. IDK I am soooo frustrated!

    Last edited by madilynsmommy; 01-26-2009 at 10:01 AM.

     
    Old 01-26-2009, 08:39 PM   #7
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    Re: stillbirth at 27 weeks when to try again

    Wow!

    If that were me I would have told off that "friend" a long time ago. Nobody I knew treated me so insensitively. What could she be thinking? Stay away from her and do not throw her a shower. I am apalled!

    As for the kidney, that is a personal decision. A good friend of mine did the same thing for her brother and he is doing well now. She got pregnant about a year later and now has a 2 year old and is pregnant with her second. She hasn't had any major health problems and had very good pregnancies.

    Look, its one thing to not know what to say and another to be completely rude, out of line and downright mean. She wishes she could switch places? I am not a violent person but I would have slapped her. She sounds like a bully. You don't need friends like that.

    Surround yourself with supportive people and stop acting like your fine. Reach out to people and let them know when you need to talk. I tell people all the time what happened to me. Them being upset is nothing compared to what I went through. Don't feel you have to protect others. Your the one who went through trauma.

    Even 4 years later when asked how many kids I have I say "one living" and one with the angels. People are like oh i am sorry. After the loss, I stayed away from all baby showers, tried not to directly look at any pregnant women and avoided all baby related things pretty much until I was pregnant again myself. If people can't understand that then something is wrong with them not you.

    good luck
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    Old 02-19-2009, 04:27 PM   #8
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    Re: stillbirth at 27 weeks when to try again

    Hi my names andrea and i'm 20. I lost my baby at 35 weeks due to placental eruption on 09-12-2008 and it was the hardest thing i have ever experianced. Me and my partner had tried for Dylan and he was so beautiful it really destroyed us. We are trying again at the minute and the docs have confirmed it is ok even though i had an emergency c-section and 3 blood transfusions so u should be ready now if u feel ready urself. I was worried when i read alot of people said you have to wait for 6 month's and i don't think we could wait that long, not that we are replacing Dylan but like urself need someone to look after and be there for nomatter what. U never know, maybe we could fall pregnant again soon!

    As for hearing about your friend, i know how hard that can be and she shouldn't be rubbing it in your face and friend or not i would also punch the smug look off her face, it's not fair that she is doin that on u. She can throw herself a baby shower and u can just concentrate on you and your partner and adding to your family. Hope it all works out for the two of you, good luck for the future! x

     
    Old 02-28-2009, 07:55 PM   #9
    madilynsmommy
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    Re: stillbirth at 27 weeks when to try again

    so it has almost been 3 months since i lost my baby madilyn. she would be due on march 10th but i had her on december 10th. i feel as if i am just getting more bitter. everyone always says, "oh time heals." i don't feel as if i will ever be fully healed. my best friend found out on friday that she was having a girl. she's 20 weeks now. we work together and she wouldn't tell anyone what she was having until she told me.. which i didn't get. i mean i really do not think people understand what i'm going through and how much i don't want to hear about other people's babies! i work at wal mart and i see enough customers come in with their babies. it's hard!

    also one of my good friends from high school just had her baby and stopped to talk to me. i looked at her little baby girl and was extremely jealous. i know 6 people who are due in the month of march, 2 of my cousins, 2 people i went to high school with, 1 of my husband's friends and a girl i used to work with who i see on a regular basis oh and i guess one of my friend's sisters is pregnant too. not to mention all the other people i know who've already had their babies or are due in april and may! my ex boyfriend and my husband's ex girlfriend are both having babies as well.

    i have now currently had two periods. i was really hoping i would be pregnant last month, but i was not. my period was 2 days late so i was very, very hopeful.. but nothing! then i went through a stage where i thought maybe i don't want a baby yet, maybe there was some reason that God didn't want me to have one. i know this is crazy thinking. but after seeing babies and hearing about babies i just feel sick and confused and very very scared! my boss' wife just had a baby and we got to hear about it in our morning meeting and i felt like bawling while he told everyone how wonderful she was doing and that they named her addilyn and it reminded me of madilyn and how all my coworkers oooed and aahhed about it while i just wanted to scream "THIS ISN'T FAIR!"

    anyways i am supposed to have my period next week and am hoping maybe i will be pregnant. i'm just terrified because i know when you think about something or really want something it usually doesn't happen. but i don't know how to NOT think about it. i mean every second of every day it is what i am thinking about! i mean seriously it's either if i got pregnant now when would i have a baby.. and i think about madilyn and if i did something wrong and if it would happen again and how and when do you tell future children about your beautiful angel baby and i don't know it's just always always on my mind and especially the moment anyone mentions a baby or kids i feel an instant stab to my heart. i just try to act normal and i say i must do a good job because people at work just love to talk about my friend being pregnant! i know this is just a lot of ranting and i feel bad because what i hate the most is feeling sorry for myself but i absolutely do feel sorry for myself!

    Last edited by madilynsmommy; 02-28-2009 at 08:04 PM.

     
    Old 03-01-2009, 12:15 PM   #10
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    Re: stillbirth at 27 weeks when to try again

    Ah my heart breaks for you. I lost my first baby, a girl, at 27 weeks too. The pain is unreal and no one or nothing can make you feel better. Our daughter had a horrible umbilical cord. Wrapped around her neck twice, two knots in it and it was deformed. She would have been severely brain damaged if she had lived. Which of course we would have taken in a heart beat. We held her and baptized and said goodbye but not a day goes by that I don;'t think of her. It has been 7 years and I still cry about it. We have since had two more beautiful healthy girls and the dr's are right. The chances of it happening again are extremely rare.But that doesn't help you right now. I know it is hard and your desire to have a baby so intense now but I was told to wait a year, not just for the physical aspects but the emotional. You will get through this and it will suck and you will never forget but the days will be easier, trust me, someone who knows! I forgot to say that you will always think about her due date... her day of birth.. every year you will think of that day... you will be terrified during your next pregnancy and not rest easy until a happy healthy baby is born and this is all normal! I had to attend therapy all during my second pregnancy becuase of the fear but it was all fine in the end, you will be too! Blessings

    Last edited by WSseattle; 03-01-2009 at 12:21 PM. Reason: forgot to mention

     
    Old 04-05-2009, 03:35 PM   #11
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    Re: stillbirth at 27 weeks when to try again

    today i took a pregnancy test. my period was one day late so i decided to go ahead and take one. i was very hopeful and kind of felt like i might be pregnant because i wasn't having any of the cramps i normally have right before i start my period. well, the test came back positive. i can't believe it! i'm very excited but also scared. it's been almost 4 months since we lost madilyn and i can't even bear the thought of losing another baby.

     
    Old 04-05-2009, 05:12 PM   #12
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    Re: stillbirth at 27 weeks when to try again

    Congratulations!!!! I can imagine all the conflicting emotions you must be feeling. I hope everything goes smoothly for you from here on out.

     
    Old 04-07-2009, 11:15 PM   #13
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    Re: stillbirth at 27 weeks when to try again

    So sorry for your loss of your daughter Madilyn... I don't think it is too soon as after I lost my daughter Kierstyn in Aug 06, my husband and I tried after 6 wks and got pregnant with son Brett, 3 months after Kierstyn died and he is a healthly little guy no problems and 19 months old...
    All I can suggest is to try to look at the positive side of this.. Some woman are not able to get pregnant so soon after losing a baby and there is a reason why you are able too... I think this pregnancy will turn out just fine!!
    Hugs, Michelle

     
    Old 04-09-2009, 09:38 AM   #14
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    Re: stillbirth at 27 weeks when to try again

    Congrats! You must be feeling both joy, relief and terror! I went through a slew of emotions after getting pregnant again. Expect anxiety and possibly some depression during the pregnancy though everyone is different. What caused my depression was that I didn't have the same joy throughout my pregnancy like the first. I found myself always saying "if the baby makes it. . " I just coudn't visualize the happy ending. I ended up not even having shower. I still felt jeaolous of the other women with normal pregnancies, no past losses. Pregnancy chatter was still hard to participate in. And I always compared my second pregnancy with my first which some people didn't want to hear about as they all knew what happened with the first. Then there is the situation of being around others who are in their first pregnancy and you are in your second and already experienced, yet have nothing to show for it. Other second time around pregnant moms have different issues, for example, being pregnant with another child to care for and getting used to someone being a big brother or sister. I never felt I quite fit into any pregnancy conversation. And people always asked me"Is this your first?" I never knew what to say. The best advice I can give is to get the best possible doctor, and ask to be referred to a specialist for high risk pregnancies. They will give constant monitoring and decide if you need any thing special for this pregnancy. I took shots every day for my second pregnancy and had no swelling and complications like in the first. Good luck and please keep us posted!
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    Old 04-21-2009, 02:49 AM   #15
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    Re: stillbirth at 27 weeks when to try again

    hiya hope you probably remember me better as lesleykev
    well after a very bumpy road including two stillbirths and a misscariage
    and a c-section we now have our little boy almost 3 now and a recent addition our 5 month old daughter hannah ,
    i had to post this here as i feel when people like ourselves have a possitive outcome its nice to show others there is hope .
    also wanted to wish kierstynsmommy all the luck in the world

     
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