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Old 04-06-2006, 06:32 AM   #1
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: England
Posts: 7
aGlassDream HB User

I got engaged before i got told theres a good possiblity that i have MS..
And since ive been told that it sounds very much like it, all i can think about (besides how scared i am) is how this is going to effect him.
I don't want to feel like im holding him back. Stopping him doing all the things we've talked about beforehand.
Im frightened that when/if i get dx with MS im not going to want to marry him, cause i don't want him to feel tied down to me

Am i being stupid?
Does it turn your partners life upside down too?

Thank you all

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Old 04-06-2006, 09:17 AM   #2
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Washington
Posts: 69
orngcrayon HB User
Re: Partners

Hey girl. I was in shoes very similar to yours when I was diagnosed. I'd been dating a guy for 2 years, we lived together and were on the verge of getting engaged when I had my first really intense attack and was diagnosed. It was SO hard, and I kept thinking just like you are now - maybe I shouldn't get married....maybe i shouldn't drag him into this. Back then, my diagnosis and my fears were a big part of every day.

And during that time everything was SO hard on him. I was a wreck - I was mad, I was sad, I was just a basketcase, and the poor guy had NO idea how to interact with me. So we sort of grew apart for a little while - he kind of avoided the storm.

BUT... life goes on, and pretty soon the fact that I have MS is kind of in the background. It's part of who i am, and accomodating it is part of our lifestyle - and over time he and I have learned how to talk about it.

But 99% of our life has nothing to do with my condition. When I have relapses, of course he worries, and maybe has to do a few more chores around the house. And when I learn something new, or start to worry about the future, we might have to talk it out.... but this doesn't become your life, and it definately doesn't become your partners. I'd just give yourself (and your relationship) some time to adjust.

Old 04-08-2006, 04:30 PM   #3
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Cedar Springs
Posts: 60
MarissaC8 HB User
Re: Partners

I was worried about the samething for a long time. I was dx when I was a single mom with a 1year old little girl. I worried that I could never have kids, that no one would want to marry me with MS. Then, I met my husband 3 years ago, we now have a cute baby boy and our little girl. He tries to be patient with me when I am having a bad week, etc. The biggest problem with me is I still insist on doing everything even when I am having a hard time with the MS, as I don't like admitting my weakness. If he is the one for you and you for him, you two will be just fine. My husband and I went through a lot together in just our first year, and we made it through with flying colors.

Old 04-11-2006, 01:53 PM   #4
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: michigan
Posts: 1
laopta HB User
Re: Partners

I was diagnosed while engaged to my now husband. I printed some info for him to read and pretty much sat him down and said this is what can happen to me are you ready to deal with this. Well we were married last july. When I was on avonex he would give me the shot because I couldn't do it. I am pretty kucky to find a supportive guy. I had the same worries and at this point my symptoms are pretty mild but the thoughts sometimes creep up what if things get worse could he handle it. Be open and honest.

Old 04-12-2006, 04:55 AM   #5
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 423
Natatude HB User
Re: Partners

i have a great husband,, we were married 13 yrs when i found out what was wrong with me was MS,, he has been very helpful, and loving,,, he says it doesn't bother him,, i am the one who gets depressed at times and i feel like i am a burden to him,,, but he tells me i am no burden he loves me with all of his heart,, he meant what he said when he said his marriage vows to me,, and he helps me thru thick and thin and is always by my side, no matter what! we have been married 18 yrs now,, and we have never been more happier,, i myself could do without the MS mopst days but there is nothing i can do about that so i just live with it the best i can, and having a hisband who loves me as much as mine does,, helps alot! so as long as u and ur fiancee' have that love,, the MS won't hurt ur engagement or marriage! best of luck to u! and always be honest! let him know how u feel,, talk about it,,, having talks,, honesty and laughter is what makes the best relationship ever!

Old 04-12-2006, 08:44 PM   #6
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Oregon
Posts: 57
lgrot HB User
Re: Partners

I understand how you feel. I hope you can discuss all this with your fiancee.
You never know what life is going to throw out at you. You may end up being the healthier of the two of you. You get to test out what "for better or worse" is all about sometimes.
My husband got Insulin Dependent diabetes at age 35 after a bad case of the flu, then a few years later I got M.S. So our kids get to watch us giving ourselves our shots... to an outsider it would look weird. You just adapt.
Even with his diabetes, he is very healthy and goes on bike rides across the state. I've had M.S. 10 years and still work full time plus and have a rich life.
It's very very scarey to get this at first, but it's not all that bad.
Give yourself time to get used to all this....

Old 04-13-2006, 09:00 AM   #7
Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 30
Dave1968 HB User
Re: Partners

Hi Louise,

Don't get worried about that babe, im sort of in the same boat as you myself, I started to feel unwell when had only just met my girlfriend and she as been brilliant like you I have not been dx yet and I don't feel that she knows the real me because the way I am now is not the person that I was just 9 months ago I have no energy like I used to and cant do the things I used to do even though I want to my body just wont let me you know.

I was thinking how does she put up with me i'm such a let down? how can she want to be with me? and I thought just like you that I should do the right thing by her and let her go so she can enjoy all the good things in life, have the children she wants and be happy. I decided that was the best thing and the right thing to do, to let her go.

So I told her that I didnt want her to be with me like this and that I want her to have all the good things in life and most of all that I wanted her to be loved and to be happy and so It was only right for me to let her go.

You know what she said??

She said "that she liked me just the way that I am and that I make her happy just being me, and that If I let her go then she would have to find someone else who was just like me in order for her to be happy"

It just didnt figure I thought how can she like me like this when i'm not like I used to be? now I realsie that perhaps she wouldn't have liked the old me at all??? I know i'm a little more miserable nowadays and I don't have the get up and go that I used to and I've but on too much weight...but I'm still the same person inside and I guess that's what she loves who I am and not how I look or how much energy I have...... my guess is it's just the same for you.

My advice talk to your fiancee and tell him how you feel then.. shut up and listen to what he says and how he feels, he might be afraid your gonna chuck him because you think your holding him back, which he proberly doesnt want he must love the person you are because he would not have got engaged to you otherwise.

Good Luck Babe,


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