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Angry and depressed


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Old 04-13-2006, 07:02 PM   #1
lilc
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Angry and depressed

I think this is just a need to vent. Ignore if you like.
I am a technogeek of sorts. My job is to build and maintain technical solutions to business problems. I am part of a 2-person company. The other person is entirely process-oriented. I honestly think she hates technology, but recognizes it is a necessary evil.
Of late - since my dx - I rarely get to finish a sentence. She (my boss/"best friend") seems convinced that "cognitive difficulties" have made me incapable of carrying on meaningful oral communication. Yes, it is more difficult. No, I have NOT been reduced to a babbling idiot. I DO have a point when I choose to speak. It might take 15 additional seconds for me to get to it, but I WILL get there.
Doesn't matter, she doesn't choose to listen to me.
I don't have options. If I lose this job, I'll be sleeping on a slatted bench outside Starbucks. I didn't mention MS to her until I absolutely had to. Honestly, I now wish I hadn't mentioned it at all. I wish I had continued to "play tough", ignore my sx, pretend nothing was wrong.
It was "angry and depressed" that set things off a year ago. Seems I've made no progress at all...

 
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Old 04-13-2006, 08:13 PM   #2
duttin
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Re: Angry and depressed

Lilc,

Vent, it does the body good.

I know it's hard to get things to come out straight.I get the same thing from family members.Its not as if I fell off the turnip truck or anything.

You never have too sleep on a slatted bench outside of starbucks,We have a 5 bedroom home with a spare room.

Never regret that you persued your symptoms,your getting the needed care you deserve.

I'm sure you have made progress in a year,we all have our breaking points to where we get angry and depressed.You never know what a person goes thru until you walk a mile in their shoes.My case about 10 yards.I couldn't walk a mile if I was paid to.

Your boss/best friend should be a little more considerate.Some times people don't realize the things that they say and do.My family acts if I can't do things for myself and it does hurt my feelings.So what if it takes longer to complete a task or to finish a thought or sentence.This is me now.Accept it or leave me alone.

Prayers to you

Toni

 
Old 04-13-2006, 08:27 PM   #3
rhondabuzz
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Re: Angry and depressed

Hi Lilc

Venting is prob the best thing u can do for u'rself right now..the next best thing u can do is when u get to work...sit u'r friend/boss down for a heart to heart talk about u'r "limitations" and the lack thereof. U'r right...things may come a few seconds slower..but they do come. I don't have a dx yet..hoping not to get one of ms..but i'm honestly expecting it. I have the probs with memory and slurring of speech at times and it's so frustrating to u already..having someone point it out each time u try to speak isn't helpful. She needs to know that without any doubt. I agree with Toni...and make the same offer. U WON"T be alone or on the streets. I would gladly be here for u. U'r a sister in this...dx or not...and u'r not alone in any regard. Take strength from us and all here..and be sure to know venting IS GOOD!!! Also...as a side thought...NOT to play devil's advocate either...but maybe u'r ftiend/boss thinks she's helping in some way? Maybe she thinks U"R uncomfortable trying to get it out..and is tryin to help in some way. Just a thought. My prayers are with u lilc.

rhonda

 
Old 04-14-2006, 12:21 AM   #4
fairynuf
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Re: Angry and depressed

I too have this 'problem ' with family. When i got dx, they started talking to me like i was 5 and incapable of making my own desicions. I informed them that ms DOESN'T stand for MEGA STUPID! They didn't take the hint.

 
Old 04-14-2006, 05:59 AM   #5
KelliD
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Re: Angry and depressed

Sounds like you're going to have your sit your friend down...give her some MS literature and tell her it would mean so much to you if she'd read it...and that it hurts when she treats you as she does. I doubt she'll come around on her own. I'll be praying for you...let me know how it goes!

 
Old 04-14-2006, 06:35 AM   #6
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Re: Angry and depressed

This makes me want to vent too! May I?!

Cognitive "inefficiencies" doesn't mean the intellect has been affected, you know. My IQ score dropped with MS, but I'm still way above average! I (literally) have holes in my head, so my brain is a little jumbled up and information is therefore harder to "access"--AT TIMES. I create new dendrites every time I need something up there whose normal nerve pathway is blocked by a lesion, yes?-- I'm just rerouting and all that, yes?

(So, in reality, I'm building the "wisdom" that normally comes with age-- when memories become interconnected and forever attached to other pieces of information-- Donahue did a TV special on memory and the brain "way back when" that explains this better. But... Does this mean MS makes me smarter??)

But. I was VENTING!!!
SO:
My husband never finishes my sentences, but he won't let me DO anything besides housework. Intelligent conversation just doesn't occur anymore. In fact, come to think of it, I think that stopped when I told him about my MS while we were dating. He treats me like an invalid, but at the same time expects me to cook and clean and carry on at home as if nothing at home is as difficult as a "real job." He "sagely" notes when I've burned myself or dropped something and messed up his sainted floors. He resignedly accepts it when I couldn't get to the vacuuming that day and took a nap instead (Please, God! Give me a Roomba!!)

I just hope I never get into another car accident while running to the grocery! (My vision is so messed up I really shouldn't be driving anyway.)

:P

 
Old 04-14-2006, 09:20 AM   #7
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Re: Angry and depressed

I think you've got some great advice here. Also remember that your friend/partner/boss is also scared. She's scared of what this will mean for the business, scared that something like this can happen "to anyone" and that's all so random. Also, people LOVE to distance themselves by blaming the "victim."

 
Old 04-14-2006, 02:59 PM   #8
StephanieAnne
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Re: Angry and depressed

1st I am so sorry and I know that I have nothing to do with your issue but I want to say I am sorry.

I make fun of my "brain disease" as I call it, I am always forgetting words, or what something is called, or using crazy words instead of the correct word.

lilc I for sure would print out some info about MS and give it to your B/BF let her ask you questions about how you feel and what you can and cannot do, then say to her when she finishes your sentences ..... [well I do have a smart a%s thing to say but,] say to her, I am still here, I will let you know when I am having a difficult time, and you make me feel like a invalid/or child when you finish my sentances, and that you don't want to cause a rift in your relationship but that maybe a little support from her and not stress would be a wonderful thing for you AND THAT STRESS IS THE WORSE THING FOR AN MS'ER !!!! I also believe that things work out if you talk out the problem, the more you hold in it, the more you are stressing, and run the risk of a relapse.

My hubbys mom had MS and he is supportive of me, and I let him know when I can and cannot do something, he doesn't expect the house to be perfect when he gets home, he comes home to see me and not the house, I am very very fortunate. I wish that everyones partner was like mine.

Venting here is the best therapy, you get communications with people who are not experiencing your problems and are glad to lend an ear and advice.

lilc let us know how this works out and I will pray for you also, my goal in life is for everyone to be happy
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Old 04-14-2006, 03:04 PM   #9
iluvsiamese
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Re: Angry and depressed

I'm sorry your best friend is being so inconsiderate. Sometimes people mean well and have all the best intentions in the world, but it always seems that they are the ones having trouble coping with the situation, when it should be yourself... I used to get asked about my MS a lot at work, and I would look at them and say, it's really not as bad as you think, MS makes some things more of a challenge for me, but it does not shorten life expectancy. There are so many people out there that have diseases that are so much worse than MS. I pray for them, not for myself... I've since gone off work on disability because I couldn't keep up with the information, my memory and ability to retain new concepts became difinately hindered to say the least which really frustrates me. But even with that my attitude is still that things could be so much worse. I have my family and children always keep me going no matter how lousy I'm feeling. Never feel bad about venting though... it's so much better to get it out. If you don't sooner or later, the pressure will build up, til you explode on someone if you don't get it out. Hope this helps. I've also come to the realization that some people even if they are your best friend, they will never get it and always act like it's a pity party... sometimes it's better to just cut the ties and move on without them. It always hurts to lose a friend, but it can be better than getting so mad that you end up gaining an enemy.

 
Old 04-14-2006, 04:23 PM   #10
lilc
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Re: Angry and depressed

You all make me smile, laugh, sometimes cry tears of gratitude. Thank you.
I'm at home now, my actual home, in Phoenix, where I live ALONE! When we are at work in DC we share an apartment. It really is a lot of time we spend together, it is remarkable that we haven't torn each other's hair out over the past 3 years!
I also know that she worries about my ability to hold up my part of the company. She depends on me a lot, and we are working hard to reach a point where we can RUN the company rather than BE the company. She doesn't want me to tell anyone at work that I have MS. Who would want to hire a sick consultant? I understand that. Just feel alone sometimes. But I'm NOT, I have YOU!!!
So I'm enjoying puttering around my apartment ALONE!!! It's SO NICE!
I will talk to her, I'm pretty sure she doesn't even realize what she's doing.
Thank you, Angels!

 
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