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    Old 01-23-2008, 11:27 AM   #1
    gonderj14
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    Unhappy feeling overwhelmed

    I am feeling really overwhelmed today. I'm not sure what it is, but I am at work and I had a complete breakdown in friont of my co-workers. For some reason, I just couldn't stop myself from crying. I was told that the Rebif can make you depressed (and I am on an anti-depressant), but I have done really well up until now. Do some people need a super high dose of anti-depressant meds to help them stay ok? I think I read online somewhere that some people that take Rebif needed three times the normal amount of medication to keep them from being so depressed. Has anyone else heard this?

    Does anyone else have those kind of days where it is impossible to hold it all in? My emotions overcame me today. I feel stupid crying in front of my co-workers, but we all work in one big office so there is absolutely no privacy. I think that I scared them!! Just writing this has made me feel a little better. I just want to go home feeling better so that I can interact with my kids in a positive way. It is very important to me that my kids see me as being completely normal. Is that weird? I just don't want them to be scared that something really bad is going to happen to me. My older daughters, 18 and 11, understand that I have good days and not so good days, but the two little ones can't understand. Also, as silly as it seems, I feel like I have to keep it together for my husband. He's is really scared deep down inside and I feel like I have to stay as normal and healthy as I can for his sake.
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    Old 01-23-2008, 11:45 AM   #2
    tracijo
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    Re: feeling overwhelmed

    I can't speak to the issue of drugs but I know what it is like to feel like you have to hold it all together for everyone else. I am waiting for my dx now and it has been a very rough few months. I know my husband is upset and scared about what is happening to me and how it will affect our life together but support is one of the reasons you get married. We mothers try to hold it all together for everyone else and we tend not to let anyone hold it together for us. I have found that I feel a ton better when I share my concerns with my husband. We talk it through and it seems like the weight is lifted a bit. Giving voice to your worse fears is hard but it can help you get perspective on what is happening in your life. This is a time when you need to take care of yourself and remember to let others take care of you as well. If you can't talk with your husband talk with your friends. Please take care.
    Traci

     
    Old 01-23-2008, 11:49 AM   #3
    Bearygood
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    Re: feeling overwhelmed

    Hi, gonder, I'm sorry you're having a bad day. I do not take MS drugs but I have certainly read different reports from people for whom depression is an issue. I think it really depends on how one's own body reacts to this (and any) medication. I have never heard or seen that Rebif or any other of the MS drugs will make someone depressed with certainty, nor of any norm in terms of how high a dose of ADs are needed.

    I'm glad it's made you feel better to vent though -- vent away! I hope your afternoon and evening perk up and that you wake up tomorrow feeling good.

     
    Old 01-23-2008, 01:10 PM   #4
    gonderj14
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    Re: feeling overwhelmed

    Thanks you guys. I do feel better now. Maybe I just need to let it out every now and then. thanks again. Jen
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    Old 01-23-2008, 02:01 PM   #5
    tracijo
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    Re: feeling overwhelmed

    Jen,
    I am glad you posted again today I have been thinking about you and hoping the rest of your day went better. Let us know how you are doing tomorrow.
    Traci

     
    Old 01-23-2008, 02:19 PM   #6
    Bearygood
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    Re: feeling overwhelmed

    Jen, glad you're feeling better! Yes, LET IT OUT WHEN YOU NEED TO!!!

     
    Old 01-23-2008, 03:11 PM   #7
    MSNik
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    Re: feeling overwhelmed

    Hi Jen. Im glad you posted and sound better, too. I wanted to address the question you had about Rebif. Im on it-
    You are new to this? The reason I ask is that Rebif can cause depression in some people. Ive never experienced it, but I have read about it. If you find yourself seriously depressd, please talk to your Neuro about it! On the other hand, are you new to MS in general? I know when I was first dx, I used to break down as soon as anyone was nice to me. Go figure. Someone showed some compassion or concern for me, and I broke down and cried. I think it was because I wasnt getting any support at home. In the beginning of a MS dx (or any dx) its really tough to get yourself wrapped around the idea. Part of the process is first denial and the "why mes?" then I think comes the part where you start accepting...during that time, youre still very susceptible to breaking down and crying for no apparent reason. So, with that, youre very normal. Do try to figure out if this is a once in awhile thing or if it seems constant...if its all the time, and you rarely have a happy thought or moment, you really should talk to your doc.

    Now, as for antidepressents. I know at least 5 people on Rebif who are also taking some sort of antidepressent, I asked around, not one of them is taking more than a regular dose, some are on partial or smaller doses then recommended. All of them are happy to be feeling "normal' again. I do not take antidepressents, but I have been known to take a Xanax, which is anti anxiety. I only take it when things are really BAD in my world and I just feel overwhelmed...maybe a few a month- tops. But I also take the smallest dose available .025, AND I cut it in half!! So I dont think there is any reason for people on Rebif to need to increase dosage for any drugs. This is something you might want to look into for yourself, to help you thru those rough days...we all have them, Jen...

    Nikki
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    Old 01-24-2008, 09:57 AM   #8
    taosdaphne
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    Re: feeling overwhelmed

    People react to anti-depressants and drugs in general in different ways, but it's worth talking to neuro and GP about. I have a friend who can't even take full doses of antibiotics, they affect him so strongly. I, on the othe hand have a high tolerance for both pain AND meds--when I ask for pain med I'm usually at what other peple consider a 10, but I think is only a five. And my body habituates to drugs pretty quickly, which is why I don' like opioids, though I take them when I need them.

    I'm on a kind of middle-dose of Effexor (150mg/day) and it's done wonders for keeping me stable.

    As far as falling apart in the office, I've done it too, usually when I fal. I try to keep it together because everyone else is freaking, and I just need them to be calm and follow my directions instead of immediately leaping to help--and none of them knows the proper way to get me up. But the day I crashed and split my lip and spewed blood everywhere--well, no holding back then. Give people the opportunity to be compassionate and help. The day of the split lip one of my "enemies" in the department was very sweet, drove me to the ER, called to check on me later. We get along much better these days!

     
    Old 01-25-2008, 12:47 PM   #9
    gonderj14
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    Re: feeling overwhelmed

    Hi everyone! thanks for your concern and replies to my post. I actually took yesterday off of work and spent most of the day in bed, just watching tv and doing nothing and I feel much better today. I don't know why I feel like I need to be superwoman most of the time, but relaxing felt good. I think my body and my mind needed that.My house is a mess and there is lot's of laundry to do, but I guess it's not going anywhere!! I wish there was a way to reduce my hours here at work, but I need 40/week to get my health insurance.
    Have a good weekend everyone. I can only post from work, I don't have a computer at home. Thanks again, Jen
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    Old 01-25-2008, 04:17 PM   #10
    april1848
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    Re: feeling overwhelmed

    Good for you for taking some time to veg out! It makes me feel better, as long as I don't do it for longer than the weekend. Then the boredom and super-woman stuff kicks in.

    I completely lost it at work one time. It was four days after my diagnosis and I was at a board meeting at the end of a 12 hour day. I hadn't had steroids yet and I was in a ton of pain, my left leg was all pins and needles, couldn't feel my left foot, and I had an electrical feeling from my neck to my toes. I was so hot and so tired!!!

    I had been so brave. I went straight from my doctors with my diagnosis right to work, and as far as everyone else was concerned, I was just fine!

    We had two new members at the board meeting, and I wanted to make a good impression. The second the meeting was over, I left, went outside and tried to hide behind my boss' car and just sobbed. I completely lost it. And of course, one of the new board members saw me and started walking over. I was mortified! He just calmly asked me what was the matter and I told him that I just found out I had MS, I hurt and was tired, and I tried to assure him that I wasn't normally like this!

    He told me that his wife has MS, that she used a walker but had a very active life, and he gave me her number. He told me that it was nice to meet me, he looked forward to working with me, and told me to cheer up! I didn't exactly cheer up but I felt much better. I don't think that was a coincidence. I went back to my office and cried to my boss. He told me to take a day off and relax.

    I'm still embarrassed about that when I see him, I haven't known him long. And when I feel badly at work, my coworkers are very sweet and understanding. It's nice working with therapists! Everybody shares their stuff with others and it's not unusual at all to have one person crying with another one. But sobbing in front of a new board member was awful!

    I'm glad you're feeling better, and let me know if you find a way to work less and have insurance! I swear that one hour less a day would do me wonders.
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