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    Old 12-03-2007, 02:28 PM   #1
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    Large daughter

    I have a daughter, 16, who is obese. I wouldn't doubt she is close to 275 pounds. Whenever I would carefully mention about her eating in a subtle way, she becomes very defensive. I know she knows she has a problem but really doesn't seem to care as she eats non stop at times! And now that she is driving, I can't just "not buy it", as she can.
    She has dealt with depression and is currently 98% better IMO, and I feel that her weight is a large part of the problem. She does have friends, works, and seems social but her father and I worry all the time as well as other family members. Diabetes, heart problems, etc. Anything we can do to nudge her? I do have my mother talking to a friend of ours who is a doctor about this. DD has mentioned becoming dizzy at times with numbness in her fingers and feet - possibly an early sign of diabetes. Maybe having someone in the medical field talk to her privately would help. I can see where she wouldn't necessarily want me there hearing all the he'd have to say.
    Anyone else gone through this with their child?

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    Old 12-07-2007, 11:09 AM   #2
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    Re: Large daughter

    What is the food situation like in your home? I realize she can go out and purchase food, but she didn't get this way overnight, so something must have been happening before she could drive herself to buy food. Are any other family members overweight? Does anyone exercise regularly?

    I think that if she sees others taking charge of their health, she might feel more motivated to do so. Also, would she consider therapy as a way to break down some of that defensiveness?

    Old 12-10-2007, 10:25 AM   #3
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    Re: Large daughter

    I would have her see a therapist or nutrionist. Remind her that if she's in therapy that the Dr. by law can't share any info with you and its confidential. Maybe she has a problem she is scared to tell you about but she might open up to a third-party.

    Old 12-10-2007, 07:22 PM   #4
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    Re: Large daughter

    The best you can do is set a good example and be supportive of her. I can assure you that she is well aware she is overweight and should do something about it. She probably feels very powerless and hopeless, and the last thing she needs is a parent, who should be her soft spot to land, harping her about something she can really do damage to her self esteem. I have been in her father harped on me to the point I felt nothing else mattered to him. I would have rather had some unconditional love. I had developed a compulsive eating disorder that had yet to be medically diagnosed. I would have benefitted from counseling by a trained therapist with eating disorders, and then perhaps followed by a doctor to help with weight loss...but my father didn't understand....he felt that, "just do it!" was all that it took. We both know that it's more complicated than that.

    How about start getting her into some counseling to get to the root of her eating behavior. Only when she understands why, can she start to work on making better choices. After I went to a doctor that specializes in bariatrics and eating issues, she figured out that I started binge eating right after my mother died. I had never put it together, but the timing is right on!

    Give her some hugs, tell her you love her no matter what, and that you would like to help find her the help she needs.

    Old 12-10-2007, 07:28 PM   #5
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    Re: Large daughter

    Who in that family is overweight besides her. Generally mom and dad and siblings are also overweight? Has she always been overweight and who has she depended on all her life to provide food in the house? Bring a nutritionist in the house and have her evaluate the situation and you will find out what you need to do to help her. Good luck.

    Old 12-12-2007, 12:15 PM   #6
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    Re: Large daughter

    Thanks to all for replying.
    Aside from about 10 pounds, I, my other daughter and my husband are average. My husband's father is extremely overweight but his started when he was older. Not sure what happened there either.
    My daughter began gaining weight around three years of age. After a broken leg. My mother believes that has something to do with it; she heard that in nursing school. I've never found anything to back that up.
    We do watch how we cook, what I buy. It just seems no matter what she does, nothing happens. Like she has "0" metabolism! I think that's what frustrates her the most, all of her effort and no results.
    I don't harp or say anything that would not pertain to the whole family. We love her no matter what her size, we just want her here without health problems.
    Thanks again and I will continue searching for answers.

    Old 03-10-2008, 07:29 AM   #7
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    Re: Large daughter

    Wow, this thread really hit a nerve with me. I also have an overweight daughter and no I am not overweight. I am 5'4" and 92lbs. I am an "Army Brat" (my father was a career military man). Naturally, diet and exercise were enforced strictly in my home. I was a normal 125lbs at my daughters age but my father thought it was too much. (My mom was 105). I know the emotional damage comments from the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally can do. Your parents are supposed to be your haven from the cruel world, right? Anyway, I'm not here to berate anyone, I do have actual advice worth checking into. You see, my husband has thyroid disease. No matter how little your daughter eats, if she has an underactive thyroid, unless it is diagnosed and treated she will gain weight on water. Not to mention, the more out of control the disease gets it starts affecting other body functions. It can be deadly if left untreated for too long. It is a simple blood test. I would start there. There are actually 2 blood tests for thyroid disease. The first will pick up most cases, however, sometimes it does not and there is another more involved test that will pick it up. Please, do your child a favor and check out medical reasons for her problem before assuming she is overeating and lazy. My 2 sons and I are full of energy, probably on the hyperactive side but my husband and daughter have times they can barely drag themselves out of bed. This is a symptom of the disease.

    If you can honestly say your family eats healthy then there is another reason for your daughters weight. There is no sugar in my home, no soft drinks, snack foods, etc. We never eat fast food only well balanced home cooked (properly portioned) meals. (Again, I grew up in Europe being the military brat I am and by the way proud of it. I never knew what a McDonald's was until we moved to the states and our eating habits were already firmly established so I just find fast food disgusting. I still don't understand the concept of taking meat, grinding it, adding all kinds of "stuff" and then shaping it into a nugget or patty. I guess it could be a little cultural thingy there. ) I didn't mean to ramble but please be your daughters advocate and get her a good physical.

    Best Wishes

    Old 03-10-2008, 10:25 AM   #8
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    Re: Large daughter

    I agree with sgibson.. Have her thyroid checked before anything.. Hypothyroidism causes weight gain and array of other problems..

    Ask for TSH , T4 Free, T3 free and a TPO <~~ this test for antibodies ..

    Old 03-17-2008, 08:39 AM   #9
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    Re: Large daughter

    Thanks to all of you. Haven't been here in some time and just happened to see this.
    We've done I don't know how many tests. Thyroid being the first. Both times came back normal.
    I really have a gut feeling, PCOS. I mentioned that to her doctor last summer and she said that that is difficult to diagnose. Well....!!!!
    So that's our next step; to try to find a doctor who knows something about this. She has all the symptoms.
    Thanks again, and good luck to you sgibson.

    Old 03-19-2008, 01:16 PM   #10
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    Re: Large daughter


    I do not have a daughter to post here about, but I'm posting because I have basically been in your daughter's shoes as far as weight gain goes, and hopefully I can give you some insight as to what your daughter might be going through.

    All of the previous posts were vere good, and I think very helpful, but I truly feel that talking to your daughter about her weight and how she eats is not going to make a difference.

    From the time I was a todder until now (I'm 25 years old) I have always been over-weight. My mother and father were average size and my older two siblings are normal size. Around the age of 16 - I was approximately 200 lbs and each year from there, I just kept gaining until I reached my highest weight of 320 lbs.

    Of course as a teenager, my parents showed concern about my weight, offering to pay for weight loss programs, offering me money to lose weight on my own, even at times making me feel guilty because they were so stressed out about my size. They would tell me of "bad dreams" they had of me dying, smothering in my sleep because of my weight.

    None of these tactics worked for me because everytime my weight was mentioned, it made me feel hurt, depressed, anxious, and resentful. I felt like if this was who I was, why couldn't my family just accept me?

    Growing up, we always ate healthy. My mother was a chef and always prepared nutritious meals, I ate about the same as my siblings. But once I passed the age of 16, the weight piled on.

    This pattern continued for many years, even as an adult. My family still got on my case about my weight, and the feelings I experienced never changed. I still got defensive when they would bring it up and I never took their advice.

    Finally, several years ago, my mother mentioned to me that our family has a history of Thyroid problems and PCOS. This prompted me to visit an endorinologist (who specialises in Thyroid issues). After lots of blood work and thyroid scans, it was found that I had a hypo-thyroid. My thyroid was not functioning properly, and I was placed on medication.

    Once that was discovered, it was also found at my yearly exam from my gynecologist that I have PCOS. I had many of the signs and symptoms of PCOS - I just never put two and two together. (Hypo-thyroid and PCOS can sometimes come together!)

    As soon as I started the Synthroid for my thyroid, Yaz Birth Control and Metformin (2,000 mg daily) for the PCOS - I started to feel much better. My appetite seemed to decrease, I felt like I had more energy, and I began to lose weight. I went from 320 lbs down to 270 lbs in about a year without making any major changes to my diet.

    I'm still overweight (270 lbs) - but I'm happy. I'm probably the happiest I've ever been in 15 years.

    From personal experience, I would highly recommend not mentioning your daughter's weight to her any longer. Even being kind about it and trying to offer support never truly feels that way to a person who is struggling with obesity. I don't think we mean to be defensive about it - it's just our way of dealing with the issue.

    I would also recommend that you do research concerning Thyroid problems, as well as PCOS. PCOS is not that hard to diagnos, you just need to see the right specialist who can recognize any symptoms of the disease that your daughter may be having. I believe that some doctors are just too afraid to say "yes, you have PCOS". Some seem to just want to believe there is nothing wrong and that we just eat too much. PCOS stands for PolyCystic Ovary Syndrome, and believe it or not, you can still have PCOS and not have cysts on your ovaries. So don't let a doctor tell you otherwise.

    Get your daughter in a.s.a.p. to an Endocrinologist who specialises in thyroid/metabolism. Also get her in a.s.a.p. to a gynecologist who specializes in PCOS. (If you do a local search for Gynecologists, it typically states on their website if they specialize in this disease).

    If you ever have any questions, or just need someone to talk to about this, please do not hesitate to send me a message any time! I'm more than happy to talk about things like this!

    Take care, and please keep us posted!
    From someone who's been there...
    - Kari

    Old 05-07-2008, 06:14 PM   #11
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    Re: Large daughter

    I'm only 20, and I can see this issue from your daughters point of view. Maybe this is something you need to hear. The more to try to help her, the worse she is going to feel. She knows it is an issue, and you, being a parent, talking to her about her weight, makes her feel like if the people closest to her cant see past it, no one will. I know its because you care, and because you want her to be healthy and live a good life, but we don't see it this way.

    Talking to doctors wont help either, because thats something you arranged. In my opinion, the talking side about it, she will cover by herself. She will find that person she feels comfortable talking to, and they will help. She may not have found them yet, but she will.

    Also, on your part, try and cut out junk food. If this isn't a boredom thing and its because she genuinely likes food... teach her to cook. Teaching someone who eat too much food how to get hold of even more? No i'm not joking! If she really enjoys food, teach her some long winded recipes that taste delicious. She'll be making and interacting with the food, but must wait until its cooked, and until meal time (this is generally when the food is prepared) to eat it. Also, food is satisfying. The more of it you have the more satisfied you are. Eating something you cooked yourself will hopefully replace the food she feels she needs to eat to feel satisfied as eating something you cooked yourself is satisfying in itself!

    I can't tell you these things will work.. I can only tell you how i've experienced it, how people around me have experience it and what has worked for us.

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