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BabyHopes0816 10-28-2011 11:44 PM

TTC & Obese

I joined this website for support, and having someone with my similar situation to talk to.

I am 23 yrs old, and extremely overweight. All of my life i've been obese. As i got older i also got heavier. My paternal family are all obese, which doesn't help me at all. I got married two years ago in Dominican Republic and moved to DR, weighing about 250, i stayed in that country for two years and i gain about hundred pounds. Now i am back in the US, my husband and i have been trying to get pregnant for the same amount of time we have been married two years, and nothing. My GYN assured me weight at the time about 340lb i could get pregnant, and i will get pregnant. I of course felt great hearing this, and having a GYN, so reassuring and positive. I know i need to lose weight, so i join weight watchers a month ago starting weight at 338 now a month later i'm at 333. I feel good about this and all.. My GYN referred me to a fertility specialist, which at the time i was excited because i thought my dream of become a mother would soon be reality. But when i got to the specialist he just laughed laughed and laughed, and told me my problem was that i was obese, and had to get surgery done in order to lose weight. Going to this so called specialist destroyed me. I felt horrible when this guy laughed at me for being obese, making fun of me for wanted to conceive. I still feel sad about it, kind of depressed because some how my hopes of becoming a parent are slowly disappearing after visiting this guy.

I look forward to hearing from anyone could who could relate or have advice, or any words of encouragement!

Thanks in advance,
Liah :p

sanandreas 10-28-2011 11:50 PM

Re: TTC & Obese
I am so sorry he treated you like that. There is no excuse for any medical professional to act like that. Yes, you do need to lose weight, but he could have discussed that with you in a way that didn't embarrass you and make you feel so bad. I hope you can find a doctor with a little more sympathy that can help you instead of hurting you. HUGS

BabyHopes0816 10-29-2011 01:20 AM

Re: TTC & Obese
Thank you, Sanandreas, I really appreciate it. :)
What hurts more, is that I tell him I've lost 5lbs since i've been in Weight Watchers, only month but 5 lbs is something. And he just laughs at me and goes "yeah and thats nothing" and didn't stop laughin, mean while he had a big popped out belly. Seriously, althought I am perfectly healthy, other then being obese I understand I have to lose weight. I went to this doctor for him to put me on a treatment in order to concieve, not for him to tell me over and over again the ONLY way I could lose weight is having this surgery. If I want surgery ill talk to my regular doctor, not a fertility specialist. I was expecting him to greet me professionally, you know ask me my name, my medical history are whatever. I went in with my mom, and he thought my mom was the patient until I told him I was the patient as soon as I told him, he was like laughing hard saying oh no you are obese continues laughing none stop. That was his greeting. He didnt ask me my name, just my age, he didnt introduce himself, he claims that my GYN, isn't a MD, and never heard of him. Didn't bother asking me from what clinic I was referred to him, he just assumed it was the one he said. You know been to alot if doctors in my 23 yrs of life, in different areas of NY, and a different country,and all these doctors i've consulted with always introduced them selves politely, and asked me about me,they set there and listen to why I was visiting them, then after I talked and explained whatever reason, they examined me, asked the normal questions any pain or whatever, explained to me what they were going to do and why, and if I was ok with it. And they were serious had serious face expression and tone of voice, there were times they smiled just a bit, but not laughing out loud, as if watching a comedy. Shouldn't I report this dude?

sanandreas 10-29-2011 08:54 AM

Re: TTC & Obese
If your regular doctor referred you to him, I would at least let your regular doctor know what occurred. As far as reporting him elsewhere, I am not sure where you would go about doing that. Nor do I think it would probably do any good. But then maybe someone else here has had an experience with that and can give you better advice than I can.

kristi1986 12-08-2011 11:27 AM

Re: TTC & Obese
I can definitely relate to how you are feeling because I'm experiencing a similar situation. I'm a big girl always have been but have managed to put on more and more weight over the past few years all while adding up to 450lbs on the scale. I'm 27 and my weight has just got completely out of control, and quite honestly even though I've always been big and have been aware of it, I never really felt as big as I am. I have an amazing boyfriend who doesn't see the fat me, he sees everything but that, and I have the most loving compassionate friends who see the me on the inside, I really am a lucky girl...but I think because my weight was never an issue to others it hasn't been an issue to me if that makes sense. My boyfriend and I want children as well and have talked about it for years, but we decided it would be best to begin a healthy lifestyle and lose some weight first, we both starting losing weight, I lost 15 lbs last month and was feeling good about myself and my journey ahead, but I always find some way of getting discouraged and then I gain it back.

I recently went to the dr. for some leg pains I was having and I had a Dr. similar to yours where all they could focus on was my weight and bringing me down. I'm very comfortable discussing my weight with others, I don't get angry or play the blame game, but when you feel attacked or made fun of for such a thing it hurts. I think its very important to find a Dr who you feel comfortable with and who feels comfortable with an obese patient. As far as having a baby and being overweight, of-coarse its possible, I know lots of people who are overweight and are proud parents of very beautiful healthy babies so don't feel discouraged. I think losing some weight or just making better choices can help us become pregnant, but don't think it cant happen because it can : )


BabyHopes0816 12-09-2011 11:33 PM

Re: TTC & Obese
Thank You, Kristi!
I am not going to lie, i too at times feel discourage about losing weight, and believe me after i went to go see that doctor, i felt worst then horrible! But thankfully i found the doctor i've been looking for! Dr.San Roman, he to me is the best, even though i've only gone once; for a consultation, I feel that this doctor is going to help me achieve my dream of becoming a parent.:D, He spoke nothing but positive things, and only told me I'll need to lose a few pounds which i have already lost 7lbs. He wants to see me at the end of December - early January for our first IUI cycle. I feel so good about everything as of now. Hopefully, in this new year i will become pregnant. Kristi, the only motivation you need to lose a few pounds is the thought of becoming a mother, and thought of having your child in arms everyday. That is my motivation! You're friends and boyfriend are supporting you throughout all this, so have them join a gym with you and go a few times a week. Or if not work out at home and do some walking around your neighborhood for a half hour. It would sure help. Best of wishes to you and your boyfriend!

vonbon1 04-23-2012 04:50 PM

Re: TTC & Obese
Hya Honey, I'm so sorry that awful doctor laughed at you, that's awful.
I'm not trying for a baby, I'm too old for that :D, but I had a very similar experience with a surgeon a couple of years ago. I had to have an operation , I have a condition that can cause blindness, at the time I was going blind, the surgeon told me it was my fault because I was obese, and that if I wanted to keep my sight I should lose the wieght.

I was hurt at first, not for very long though as I soon became very angry at this arrogant man.
I know for a fact that this isn't true, yes if I lose some wieght my condition would be less severe, but he had no right to say such a thing to me.

The way I see it is, you are who you are, do not let ignorant people upset you. I know this may not be much help to you but I just wanted to reach out to you, to let you know you're not alone. :):) vonbon1 xx

Kaji 07-04-2012 03:02 PM

Re: TTC & Obese
That first 'doctor' doesn't deserve the title. Unfortunately medical professionals are as prone to personal bias as the rest of the population, but it's their job to rise about that and help you. You deserve to be treated professionally and courteously and have your health problems taken seriously, regardless of your weight.

There are plenty of obese mothers in the world, and plenty of smaller women who have trouble conceiving. Weight only plays ONE role in your fertility, it's far from the whole story. But they say that if you can manage to lose 10% of your bodyweight you'll give your body a real boost and greatly improve your chances of conceiving.

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