OCD and anxiety over boyfriend's long gone past :(

01-16-2017, 10:55 AM

I've suffered from OCD all my life but this is the worst kind. I've recently been having severe anxiety over thoughts about my boyfriend's past which I absolutely can't control. What makes it worse is that this is my first ever relationship so it's not like I can calm myself down by telling myself that I have a past too and that it doesn't matter blah blah blah. Boyfriend is a virgin but has kissed/made out with another girl in his past which was 12 years ago! When I got into a relationship with him I obviously didn't know how the male body works, in terms of arousal and erections so I used to think men only get 'hard' when they are about to have sex. Hence why his past kissing and cuddling never bothered me before because I didn't think much of it. However, I have recently found out (after being intimate with him and some research) that men get erections over literally anything even innocent things like hugs/cuddling. This is obviously devistating to me because now I can't control thoughts about how my boyfriend got 'hard' whilst cuddling and kissing another girl (just like he does with me now). He told me that there was no inappropriate touching ever because he was too shy and he even said that he didn't get hard with her because he did not find her attractive- I absolutely do not believe he didn't get hard. It makes me more anxious that he is lying about not being hard/turned on when he kissed and cuddled that girl. I don't see the difference between cuddling/kissing and sex now if it's going to give a guy the same sexual feelings. He might aswell have had sex with her or touched her up if he was going to get the same arousal as with cuddling and kissing.

I am going mad with my OCD which makes me think about how my man got hard with another girl. I've never been touched and turned on from another man before so this is truly heartbreaking and the OCD does not help. I get anxiety attacks every morning I don't know what to do about it.

If anyone here has a partner with a past and they can look past their partners past please tell me how I can do this too because I can't live like this.

01-16-2017, 11:41 AM

Big Hugs Jap1990, unfortunately it's just something you have to try your best to let go of and move on from. He is no longer with that person, he chose to be with you which is what means the most

My husband is 9yrs older than I am, we met on my 18th birthday, so he was VERY experienced - had been in a previous 8yr long live in relationship and it took me a long long time to deal with things but we were open and honest with one another about everything and some how it just got easier to the point I don't think about it much any longer.

We have been together 17yrs this year

Don't get me wrong, sometimes I still overthink things and allow my mind to get the better of me but I have to remind myself that it is HIS past, not mine and he chose to spend the rest of his life with ME, not her

I don't know if this helps, but that's my story

All the best! Feel free to ask me any questions!
K.

01-16-2017, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dragonfly Wings

Big Hugs Jap1990, unfortunately it's just something you have to try your best to let go of and move on from. He is no longer with that person, he chose to be with you which is what means the most

My husband is 9yrs older than I am, we met on my 18th birthday, so he was VERY experienced - had been in a previous 8yr long live in relationship and it took me a long long time to deal with things but we were open and honest with one another about everything and some how it just got easier to the point I don't think about it much any longer.

We have been together 17yrs this year

Don't get me wrong, sometimes I still overthink things and allow my mind to get the better of me but I have to remind myself that it is HIS past, not mine and he chose to spend the rest of his life with ME, not her

I don't know if this helps, but that's my story

All the best! Feel free to ask me any questions!
K.

Thank you for your kind words and for sharing your story, it has given me some hope of recovery in the near future

01-16-2017, 12:36 PM

My pleasure

I won't lie and tell you it's always going to be easy or that you won't occasionally think of your partner's past, but it does get easier I promise. I think reminding yourself that he chose you and shares all these other special first intimate things with you should make you feel extra special <3 I would love to have been the first person to have shared certain things with my husband but at the end of the day all that doesn't really matter. All that matters is that he is mine now, and forever

01-16-2017, 02:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dragonfly Wings

My pleasure

I won't lie and tell you it's always going to be easy or that you won't occasionally think of your partner's past, but it does get easier I promise. I think reminding yourself that he chose you and shares all these other special first intimate things with you should make you feel extra special <3 I would love to have been the first person to have shared certain things with my husband but at the end of the day all that doesn't really matter. All that matters is that he is mine now, and forever

Yeah you're right, he has shared intimate firsts with me and that will always be special to me. He doesn't really care that I wasn't his first because he said being anyone's first anything isn't important to him. For him love is the most important thing. It's just that everytime he is around me he is always aroused and it makes me think was he like that with her? Then I start to panic. I really hope it gets easier like you said. Also, you mentioned earlier that you have been with your partner for a very long time now, that is quite an achievement considering the fact that you once went through similar thoughts as me. You really do give me hope. Best of luck for the future! x

01-16-2017, 02:38 PM

You are welcome, and thank you! We will have been together for 17yrs this year, married for 14 of those years

Best of luck to you too!
K.

01-16-2017, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dragonfly Wings

You are welcome, and thank you! We will have been together for 17yrs this year, married for 14 of those years

Best of luck to you too!
K.

Wow that's amazing!
Stay blessed

xxx

01-16-2017, 03:12 PM

Thank you! You too! I hope you feel a little more relaxed now

xx

06-03-2017, 08:46 AM

I totally know how you feel because I had something similar. My first bf had sex with two girls previously while I was a virgin and he was my first kiss. It tormented me so much and I'd ask him questions over and over every single day. We still stayed for a year but he got fed up with it and we ended fighting a lot. The relationship ended which was for good because it made me realize I cannot be with a guy who is experienced like that because it hurts me and makes me insanely jealous. Some can handle it, some can't. My OCD was I kept having to ask questions about his past and go check out his ex's facebooks. It was tormenting. It was so horrible. I started on SSRI and saw a counselor but didn't help. The relationship ultimately ended. I am so sorry. But sometimes you can realize maybe that is something you do not want in a partner. I send you lots of love.

OCD and anxiety over boyfriend's long gone past :(

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