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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

I thought I grew out of it??!

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Old 07-21-2004, 09:19 AM   #1
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ScaredKitty HB User
I thought I grew out of it??!

I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 7

One day my family and I went for a drive into the city to look at houses to buy, on the drive home I got sick in the vehicle and ended up with a nasty 3 day stomach flu. After that I was toast. I wouldnt ride in vehicles, certainly not in the back seat, as it made me sick I was sure...and I would NOT go into the city if my life depended on it. I stopped eating, I stopped everything really. And I carried around a roasting pot incase I got sick. After about a year of visits to SEVERAL psychologists, one found the answer and fixed my problems. I also had other issues....I would lie awake at night and cry about my parents dying (both were alive at the time) I counted when I was nervous. And a few other things like I had to pull my teeth out when I felt one was even alittle loose. I also began having severe panic attacks to the point where my heart would skip beats and I would start blacking out.

Over the years, the upset stomach/fear of throwing up faded. And eventually I got it down with meds, to where I was only counting when I was REALLY nervous. And that was all I had left.

Since then I've been diagnosed with about a billion other things - SAD.x2 (seasonal affective disorder, AND social anxiety disorder) Bi-polar 2, PTSD panic/anxiety disorders. I am currently med free, minus the ativan I take rarely when my panic attacks kick in full force. But for about 3 years now, my OCD has been virtually non existant.

I do have a thing for picking at my nails, it developed in the last year or so. I CANT stand things under my nails, and I clean them CONSTANTLY. I get anxious and fidgety when I cant and it drives me insane until I can. Recently though, I have begun checking doors, the stove, cigarette butts, OVER and OVER again, until I am satisfied. I cannot go to bed until I do these things, if I do I lay there until I check atleast once. I am now afraid of vehicles again, but not because of throwing up, but because of a constant fear of accidents. Any time the vehicle drifts a bit, even if its just following the tire treads I turn pale and have a panic attack. And I nearly lose it when a big truck is coming down the other lane, or someone is passing someone and coming towards me in my lane. Also, in the past 4 years we've been having lots of tornadic activity in the summers. Even though there has only been one bad tornado, which was 4 summers ago. I get so afraid and convinced there will be a tornado anytime the sky gets a little cloudy and the wind starts to blow.

Now Im not entirely sure how much of this is my anxiety/panic problems, and how much is OCD. But generally my anxiety problems have always been circumstancial. It's never really been constant worries of the same things over and over, it just depends on the situations and such. Which leads me to think my ocd is back in full swing, and it is only getting worse. I will think of tornados/fires/someone breaking in/accidents etc. constantly even when Im not in that situation. I CANT sleep until it is daylight (my brains convinced me that people dont rob other people when the suns up ) Yet I feel safest at night about tornados, because it never storms badly after dark here. I constantly worry about my house burning down etc to the point where I now have all my valuables and such in a place where I can grab them quickly should something happen.

Since I havent really had any ocd problems in 6 years, since I was 13, I was wondering what meds people have found helpful? I have been on MANY many meds in attempt to control all my disorders. Sometimes upwards of 8 at a time. But meds I was put specifically on just for the OCD were paxil, prozac, and luvox. Well there were more but those are the only 3 I remember working for any given amount of time. Paxil worked the best, but it didn't work in the end. I was wondering what else there is for OCD, and if anyone has any ideas of what this could be other than my OCD coming back?

thanks for your time and replies in advance

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Old 07-21-2004, 06:52 PM   #2
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Mt. Pleasant, South Carolina
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Jennifer272 HB User
Re: I thought I grew out of it??!

I also had ocd since a young age and then eventually it started to fade when I was about 22. It went away for a few years and I was less afraid of things than even the average person. I worried less than the average person. Now about three years of having no problem it has come back. I have a boyfriend that I love very much but it seems like ever since I started thinking that he might be the one, not just someone I will date for a few months, my ocd started coming back. I think subconsciencely I have issues with commitment even though on the forfront of my mind I would love nothing more than for me and my boyfriend to continue growing in our relationship. All of my fears revolve around things that would affect him such as, what if I'm gay?, what if I'm a child molester, what if I cheated on him? ocd is so self destructing. It attacks whatever you care about, atleast for me that is how it works. About the meds, I love my combo of zoloft and Clonazepam. The Clonazepam kicks in right away for your anxiety which also helps with the ocd since you are calmer and the zoloft took about 6 weeks before I noticed a signifacant difference and then at 12 weeks I felt even better. The big difference is when the doc added the Clonazepam. I hope this helps you some!

Old 07-21-2004, 07:13 PM   #3
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ScaredKitty HB User
Re: I thought I grew out of it??!

I had a very bad reaction to both of those meds

Thats the problem with me, I don't tolerate many meds well. I've been on so many for so many different things. I can't count the amount of times I've had seizures or muscle ridgidity to the point where my entire body was tense and I could not relax a single muscle in my body for days. Or spent nights throwing up because of new meds.

My doctors have sort of figured out what families of meds I can tolerate and what I can't, but it's still sort of a guessing game, as one pill from the same family as another will give me absolutely no side effects, and the other one will give me the worst ones it can.

And you're right, it does tend to attack the things we care about most. I too am in a serious relationship, and we're engaged and Im quite certain he is the one. With that, my ocd has come back even stronger. I'm not so much worried about me cheating, or any of that stuff. It's more the other way around. Always convinced he's going to leave, or find someone better etc. Normally Im a fairly confident/stable person, and I don't worry about these things. And Im very trusting too. But ever since we got as serious as we are, I get so scared of these things now, and obsess over them sometimes, and the smallest thing turns into the biggest thing. Im not normally a jealous person either. I think perhaps a lot of it has to do with the fact that he is the first person I have gotten close to and trusted since my mother killed herself 4 years ago, so Ive got quite the fear of abandonment now. But it seems to have kicked my OCD into over drive as well.

Old 07-24-2004, 09:11 AM   #4
Join Date: Mar 2004
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Calv1502004 HB User
Re: I thought I grew out of it??!

Its not possible to grow out of OCD, it can get weaker and stronger at times, but it is never completely disappearing. It sounds like with your low tolerance to medication, the only solution is through therapy, remember its the better of the two treatments anyway! When seeing a therapist, make sure they are properly OCD trained and suggest ERP (exposure and response prevention) and/or CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) as these are the treatments that are proven to be successful with OCD. Best of luck


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