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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

I feel as if I am controlled by someone else

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Old 08-08-2004, 12:11 PM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 5
AG1974 HB User
I feel as if I am controlled by someone else

I am stuck with severe OCD problem.It started one morning 6 months back.
I just came out of my bathroon in the morning and I felt a bit dizzy in my head as if something twisted inside and suddenly i felt a bit uncomfortable in my room.After
that as I sat down for prayers and there was slight shivering in my knees.I thought may be i will get fever and did'nt took it seriously.I did'nt knew that some thing horrible is waiting for me.Next day in the morning when i was holding the cup of milk in my room , I got scared by seeing it.Question came into my mind that why the cup is like this, why it is designed like this.How the concept of cup came
into existence.My mind started going back.Now even I was looking very peculiarly the material of the cup. After that i got amused by seeing the plastic containers in my room, electric switches.I really got amused after seeing the electricity turning on
the lamp and fans.I was unbale to understand the concept and again foolish questions came in my mind.My mind was asking why , how and when electricity was discovered. It was altogether in a loop .When I went out i got amused and depressed by seeing so many people. vehicles, road.Same questions came in my mind and
even there was something peculiar going on in my head.After 4 days it was full blown attack and I was shivering , trembling and shaking.I felt like suiciding and dying. More I tried to fight it more I used to get defeated .I felt myslef infamiliar to the world.
Now more questions came into my mind. I even got depression after seeing vehicles and any thing which my mind can dream of.

1) what is God.
2)Where is God.
3)What is this universe and why did he create man
and universe.

4) What is this going on in the world.People coming
, living and dying.What is this phenomenon.

5) What is life?

Moreover I felt as it is right thinking and why other people do not think like me.

I had no answer and this would give terrible shivering and shaking. I started thinking and imagining abott the time when the earth came into existence.I thought when this earth started there was only a man and woman, how this big world have come into existence.At that time there was no fire, no vehciles, no banks, no
Currency, no steel , nothing was there, so how these all came into existence.I was unable to make the link and i used to get a hell like panic attack, where my head revolves , heart sink and knees shivers.
This continued for 3 months.I didn't tell anyone bcoz i didn't knew what to tell.I thought i am the only one with this.
then one day i told my parents

My parents took my to a phsyciatrist.
he told that it is OCD caused due to some chemical imbalance in the brain.
He has given me olanzapine and luvox(fluvoxamine).I started to fell improvement after a month.i was gaining slowly but since last 15 days it has started again.
Please let me know is it normal to get these ups and down.Some time i feel like suiciding

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Old 08-08-2004, 02:34 PM   #2
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 0
baddoubts HB User
Re: I feel as if I am controlled by someone else

listen you know its your ocd, you are freaking out because of spontaneous images in your head, i would tell you that rationally the thoughts you feel doesnt mean someone is controlling you, but it wont satisfy you, even though it is true, thats what we do, no matter the rationallity of a subject its never enough to truly convice you, because you need to know that the wall over your mind is actually the part of your brain that controls rationalization, so when your worst fear comes along, it breaks through the spectrum of whats rational and whats not because your brain isnt functioning, but with this it seems like pure o syndrom, same i am experiencing, i have had ocd my whole life and when the symptoms started, i knew it was just that but what if plauges the mind, truthfully a friend of mine told me this today, hes not a doc he said when you get those feelings, remember dgf dont giva f*&& because when you stop fearing it, you wont become it, you will dismiss it, i wish i can believe fully that thats whats gonna help me or you but you gotta know this is brought on by stress you and it doesnt go away overnight, you gotta fight it until it leaves, its all u can do !!!! hang in there

Old 08-08-2004, 05:54 PM   #3
Junior Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 22
jorjac HB User
Re: I feel as if I am controlled by someone else

Hi AG 1974 - Just wanted you to know that I have very similar feelings about things. Things like dishes piled on the kitchen sink, cups in the cabinets...holes in anything. Sometimes patterns of lines. Things in a cluster; Even when I look at hubcaps with all the little holes in them it drives me nuts. Believe me there are lots of them on a Wal-Mart parking lot. I can relate to people and moving vehicles in traffic too. And, this summer trees and foliage has bothered me and when I seen knotholes or rotted out holes in trees it makes my skin crawl. BUT, I continue to look at them...that seems to be the compulsion... This has been one of the worst summers of my entire life. I'm taking 15 mg's of Lexapro daily and getting ready to start on 20. Are there other medications that may work better with OCD? Would love to hear from anyone on this matter.....


Old 08-09-2004, 02:35 AM   #4
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 5
AG1974 HB User
Re: I feel as if I am controlled by someone else

presently I am on fluvoxamine and olanzapine. I almost recovered but last week had a relapse.My indian doctor has said that you will be perefectly fine.he said that he has already treated 3000 patients.God know if i would be ok or not.
Is there any alternative treatment for OCD , I mean to say ayurveda ot homeo.

Old 08-11-2004, 10:27 PM   #5
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 6
paladin333 HB User
Re: I feel as if I am controlled by someone else

hey there,
The reason your skin crawls is THAT IS THE OCD...the fear.
realize its not the tree, it's the skin crawling from the tree you have to face. Be courageous and face the fear.... its a bluff, it cant hurt you... keep facing it. The fear will go away. Dont run, because it will only come back. Deep breathe and face it... breathe and face it.... continue till it stops.

Last edited by paladin333; 08-11-2004 at 10:30 PM.

Old 08-12-2004, 05:04 AM   #6
Junior Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 22
jorjac HB User
Re: I feel as if I am controlled by someone else

Paladin 333

Thanks for your response...I know it's the fear of the visual distortions. I am definitely trying to ignore and relax. My entire world looks distorted right now, though. Even the print on this computer screen has some kind of negative effect to me. Also, my sister just went to the dr this week suffering from the exact same problem. When she told me all the things that she had tried to explain to her dr. it was as if she was describing my brain. We see the same kinds of things...lines, holes, patterns, multiples of anything...even some handwriting bothers us. We know this is a genetic disease...just amazing how similarly our brains are funtioning. Anyone else have this type of OCD? We're not young. I'm early 60; she's late 50's. Neither of us have intrusive thoughts about death, harming oneself or anyone else...nothing that makes sense...just these shapes and things...Hard to believe how they have intruded in my life though. Thanks for listening...Hope to hear from more people about this type of OCD.

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