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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

Just stuck

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Old 09-24-2004, 07:00 PM   #1
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 213
ontheway HB User
Just stuck

It's me again ( I know, I know )

I had a personal hell I was living thru while back, I've come along way then I was , more rationable. But I feel I'm slipping big time. and I don't want to end up in the hospital again because of this nor do I want to lose my reality.This is extremely hard because I know I have to fight this if I want to get better.

I also know that I'm scared out of my mind and I feeling like I'm about to lose a good grip on reality. I think if i don't pray ( mental ritual ) then something bad will happen so I better pray. I don't get any relief when trying to pray because my mind pictures bad things, or I do it for it.

I also have a hard time because I get intrusive thoughts while I'm trying to pray. I feel like I have to repeat it over n over because It was not good enough. It's very stressful to me. I'm 23 years old I got out to stores and I have to find a place where no one can see and pray out loud.

I get confused often, I'm so tormented by religious thoughts. It's making me get resentful most of the time. I'd love to help myself, but I'm feeling helpless.
all I do is complain about OCD, worry, feel bad. I feel like when do I get to think for myself ? The bad part is that i doubt ALOT because as we know its the doubting diease.

I feel like what if it was me not OCD.. what if this what if that etc.. I'm torturing myself and don't know how to motivated myself for more then just moments. This is killing me inside, I'm not living, I'm in my house all the time , mostly worrying. I 'm losing what little peace I did have.

I can't go back thru that and it feels like in many ways I have no choice. I'm so tired ya'll, I can't do this anymore, but yet I have too.. OCD has ruin my life, my image for so long. I want to take it back but I'm scared to step out of my comfort zone although it pains me as well. and just dont give up or into theintrutive thoughts.

So many times I'm just that fed up, were I'd ratter have missed my arrival to earth at times. and I feel stuck in this place I should not be, which is the world of OCD. I don't know, I just need well I can't say help, because I'm getting the help...but what I need is to help myself. but I'm lost because I feel like i respond back to the intrusive thought negativly. Giving into what it wants and I DONT want that.. OCD butt head just bullies me into things.

well I just wanted to write to this board. I know we all are going thru a hard time with OCD..I'm just to the point of where im emotionally drained, tired, I can't do anything without OCD.. not even type this without OCD making me feel something bad help me think of these words.. It's crazy and yet i fall for it. I'm weak and im mad very angry inside because this is not right..I HATE this

Thanks for listening, God bless ya'll always (( hugs ))

Last edited by ontheway; 09-24-2004 at 07:03 PM.

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Old 09-25-2004, 02:26 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: melbourne, vic, aust
Posts: 7,370
hry33 HB Userhry33 HB User
Re: Just stuck

the unwanted thoughts from OCD can be hard to live with, have you told your church peoiple about it ,maybe some special preyers may be said to help you.....

have you tried an antidepressant med

Old 09-25-2004, 03:18 PM   #3
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 213
ontheway HB User
Re: Just stuck

Originally Posted by hry33
the unwanted thoughts from OCD can be hard to live with, have you told your church peoiple about it ,maybe some special preyers may be said to help you.....

have you tried an antidepressant med

Hey thanks for much for responding, I don't go to church because when I hear certian things OCD twist it and scares me and then i suffer more from the thoughts I have went before from time to time and certain people from that church don't understand what OCD is real and not something the doctors make up and so they tried to tell me other things and it has only worstin my condiction because now i think what if this is real quite mad with them...some people choose to speak about issues they " think " they know about but actually have no clue and why they think they are helping they only giving OCD more thoughts to work with and it does not help I stay away from church but im in prayer so much at home from time to time i read the word and some help me such has call on me in the day of trouble and i will deliver thee and thou shalt glorify me... but i have to be careful because thats one thing i do not like to obsess on is the religious thoughts because they torture me to the point where living is not longer joyful and its still not i have 3 reasons that keep me here God, my boyfriend, My mom.. I'm on nurrontin and zoloft, risperdal.. they seem to be ok but not as of late it could be i dont take the at the right time but I've also been on them for a long time im going to seea new doc soon and hopefully he can put me on something that has less side effects but is effective in treatment because the side effects I've had have been tuff to deal with...thanks for listening to me again ..How are you doing ?

Last edited by ontheway; 09-25-2004 at 03:20 PM.

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