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    Old 11-30-2004, 12:24 AM   #31
    beccatnbb
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    Re: Thoughts of my husband & other women

    smartcookie- just wanted to ask a quick question. Are you receiving any type of therapy or medical treatment for the struggles that you endure? Finding so many similarities with you and i and I am just curious.

     
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    Old 11-30-2004, 06:20 PM   #32
    Smartcookie
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    Re: Thoughts of my husband & other women

    I guess things are better today, and last week too. BUt i mean, these things creep up on me, and its then when things seem to start unravelling. Its in MY life all the time, but has anything happened in the past week relating to females? Nope. But tomorrow is another day. I know, bad attitude, however its hard to drop this attitude when it happens to you over and over.
    Becctanbb: No, not on any medications currently (except for B/C) and no therapy. I worked at a place once where they offered free, anonymous therapy and i am kicking myself for not utilizing it then.
    What is your story? Do you have the same issues as us gals on this thread? Feel free to express yourself here, i check in nightly.

     
    Old 11-30-2004, 08:11 PM   #33
    faeriegirl25
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    Re: Thoughts of my husband & other women

    Let me just say, today has been the worst ever. My bf and I went grocery shopping and I watched him like a hawk... till we were walking out of the store and some female was walking in, I told him that he'd better not of looked at her or I'd go in and tell her that he was going home with her instead of me. Though it did not escalate, when we got home there was something on either VH1 or MTV and was talking about a porn star and I lost it completely.. bad fight...
    When will it end
    Take Care

     
    Old 12-02-2004, 06:30 PM   #34
    Smartcookie
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    Re: Thoughts of my husband & other women

    Faeriegirl, your b/f had the guts to watch such a show in front of you! My lord, if my husband did that, i would be behind bars! Man oh man. They truly do think with the other head. And thats just plain dirty, its not as if he was watching a documentary on lets say, Courteney Cox Arquette, no, its the NASTY stuff at that!
    So, let me hear what his reason was for watching this filth?This had better be good.....
    LittleRose i hope you did well on your exam. Unfortunatly for me, my OCD continues with or w/out other stresses present. IN fact, i think mine actually worsens or escalates when i have stress. For instance, my father just went thru major surgery and has started chemotherapy so this is something no one in myfamily has ever experienced before, and its taking a toll on my family. But, my OCD is still there, not matter what. I still have fights/disagreements about my hubbys eyes on other women, or questions as to why he was watching this show or that show.
    And we must share the same brain cause i laughed out loud at your statement " If they don't want us, they can go find a nice prostitute to suit their needs." Good Lord LittleRose, i cannot count how many times i uttered this phrase. Honestly, it is both comforting and scary at the same time to know there are others out there JUST LIKE ME and goign thru the same battle.
    And for the record, that is NOT a sorry attitude, that is the " i wont take this cr*p " attitude. If there are any women out there who "DONT MIND" their guys watching porn, or whatever, then, well, i must not be from the same planet cause there is not a shot in hell i will ever accept that garbage. (getting angry here).
    Thank goodness for these boards........

     
    Old 12-02-2004, 10:16 PM   #35
    faeriegirl25
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    Re: Thoughts of my husband & other women

    LOL.. his reasoning for watching it?? He was checking it for a friend. Yeah the one in his pants! We have been fighting ever since I posted before. I keep asking him why he did it, I feel he is patronizing me. Why can't he just come out and say " I wanted to watch SMUT?" I can say it, why is it so hard for him to.. what to spare my feelings? Ha! he never thought of my feelings when he did it so why start now. I started to have a good day yesterday and I began remembering some of the things he did that I never thought affected me, and it snow balled. He told me one time that he had a favorite porn star, even told me her name.. I asked him about her again, and he said that he does not know who she is, never seen her before but he knows that the site he looked at did not have her on there.. now where does this make sense? Why does this still make me feel terrible. My relationship is on rocks by some trashy tramp who isn't even real.. yeah plastic, gotta love curling up to that at night.
    Hope things are well ladies.

     
    Old 12-03-2004, 08:28 PM   #36
    Smartcookie
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    Re: Thoughts of my husband & other women

    Checking if for a friend? I wouldve smacked him a nice one, and said that was for a friend too. Whatever.Do you ever comb his room looking for stuff, and if so, how often do you find stuff? You said your anniversary is coming up? I would seriously consider if its worth having another anniversary with this fellow, if he tells you he's got a favourite PORN star. Good God.
    It makes you feel terrible b/c you are a human being with feelings, and perhaps he is not.

     
    Old 12-03-2004, 10:47 PM   #37
    faeriegirl25
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    Re: Thoughts of my husband & other women

    Now that my head is a little more clearer, first of all I want to say that my thoughts and are with your family, this stress must be adding more to your frustration. Today, oh today was worse then any other day I must say. We've been fighting ever since I woke up this morning. Trying to relax and find something decent to watch on t.v ( as if), and what do I see?? Tramps and Trollops. Of course I immediately lost it and started in on him. I made him look at them, and I asked " what is so hot about her?" Of course he said she was ugly and that he wasn't watching it, and I let him know that it never stopped him before. Then it got worse, after I change from that station to another, there are ten times more there. I left it there, he kept saying " change it. I don't want to watch this." I said, " NOPE, you looked at naked women in front of me and left me with no choice but to see it, so you are going to sit here and watch it too." I kept making him look at all the smut, and kept telling him how they made me feel, I was crying, then angry.... he must think I am psycho by now. Even when the storm seemed to pass over tonight, that darn Victoria Secret commercial come on.. and yep, DING! DING! Round 2. Yeah, I've went through his mail and seen his bank statements where he had bought porn on the web.. I asked him, of course, for a friend. Geez, he can sure buy the smut for them, but cannot bring me flowers or even a simple card. Then a few days later, I ask again and he denies it all.
    Yeah our anniversary is coming up soon.. I don't know if we'll make it.
    How are things with you SmartCookie, and Little Rose.. hope all is well

     
    Old 12-06-2004, 06:52 PM   #38
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    Re: Thoughts of my husband & other women

    Thanks for your kind thoughts, i need all the support i can get [even if it's kind words from a stranger :0) ].
    Isnt it true? Thats all you see on the tube now, pure filth! Even the Apprentice had some chick take off her clothes to sell! What the heck is going on? All those Survivor shows, those Wrestling stations, those other reality shows, friggin dating games, my goodness, is ANY show free of nastyness???
    OK, so, you found PORN purchases and you are still accepting this man? I am sorry, my two cents is, IF this guy has to buy porn to get off, then leave him to be happy with his hand and break up with him! I dont care how long you have been with him! Do a temporary separation, and see what happens!
    So your hurt isnt coming out of thin air either, you HAVE something to be angry at, so why are you putting up with it? THe more you show him you will just sit there and cry, and then let more time pass, the more he will do it to you. Please, show him you are fed up and mean business once and for all, please.

     
    Old 12-06-2004, 07:15 PM   #39
    LittleRose1982
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    Re: Thoughts of my husband & other women

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Smartcookie
    I am sorry, my two cents is, IF this guy has to buy porn to get off, then leave him to be happy with his hand and break up with him! .

    You always make me laugh, Smartcookie! I totally agree. If the hand is what they want, then that's their decision. But I don't think they quite get that. When we women have a problem with it and break up with them, they whine and cry that they're not getting enough sex... but yet they're getting plenty! With themselves! So WHY COMPLAIN?
    Some news... My living situation is no longer going to be a problem for me. I have taken steps to improve MY life and MY situation, and I have found a wonderful roommate who only wants half what I am paying now and I LOVE the place. It's a guy! Yep, I'm going to have a male roommate. Let's see what ole' boyfriend thinks of this one! I did talk to him about it out of respect, because I feel that's the decent thing to do. And he said he had no problem with it! It's all about trust and he says he trusts me 100% and wants what's best for me and it's obvious that this will make me happy. So I feel that no matter what happens with my relationship, I will be okay. I will no longer feel like I have "nothing" just because I'm miserable where I'm living now. He doesn't have that power over me anymore! So he can go ahead and look up porn and stare at hostesses all he wants, but he will soon find out that I won't be sticking around to watch it happen!

     
    Old 12-06-2004, 07:20 PM   #40
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    Re: Thoughts of my husband & other women

    One more thing... I am so sorry to hear about your father. I can't even imagine how you must be feeling, and to have this OCD still clawing at your brain... Your husband needs to be EXTRA supportive right now and not even screw around at all with this. It's about you and something stressful and emotional that you are going through. He needs to help you put your OCD on the back burner at least for awhile until you are able to manage this stress. Has he been supportive so far?

     
    Old 12-06-2004, 07:34 PM   #41
    Smartcookie
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    Re: Thoughts of my husband & other women

    Sarcasm,its my way of somtimes expressing my anger. :0)
    Thank you too, for your well wihes, and yes, its just another stress i have to deal with, and thats why i fear for my mental health.
    Glad to hear about your new apartment......are you nervous about sharing with a guy>? Where did you come to meet him?
    See, if this was me, and i was the one living with the guy, i STILL would have problems with my guy, cause i dont TRUST him around women.
    Actually, my hubby has been real supportive in the last little while, he can be a downright angel sometimes, but i tell ya, its those stupid little sub-conscious slip ups that cause me grief.
    I bet you your boyfriend will want to either hang out at your place alot more,or have you come over his place alot more now than usual, but thats just a guess.
    DId he ask you why moving in with him was not an option or consideration?

     
    Old 12-06-2004, 07:42 PM   #42
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    Re: Thoughts of my husband & other women

    Moving in with him is not an option for me right now only because I don't see our relationship as stable enough. I have constant doubts about being with him (though they usually seem to go away), and we have hit a couple rough patches where we broke up for a couple days (this happened twice in 10 months). I can't move in with him and risk this happening again. Plus, I really do want a place of my own. That's not realistic for me right now, which is why living with a roommate is second-best. This way I can also save for my own place. Plus, my father would have a fit if I moved in with my boyfriend before we were married. He's having a hard enough time with the male roommate thing and as it is he might not speak to me for a little while!
    I'm not really nervous about living with him, he's a great guy. I met him through a friend who is his personal trainer. I work at a gym right now (for 2 more weeks and then I'm full time at the new job), and he is a member. Nice guy. I think it will work out well.
    Glad to hear your husband is being supportive and caring. This is his chance to shine and to remind you why you love him and married him. I hope he continues this behavior because enough of it just might be therapeutic for you. He's got the power to make you comfortable again... he's just got to commit to using it!

     
    Old 12-06-2004, 07:48 PM   #43
    Smartcookie
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    Re: Thoughts of my husband & other women

    See this is it, i know in my heart, and all my siblings see he is a great great guy, but they dont know what is happening withthe "female" situation. I have never told them anything that has happened between us (except that if he decided to have strippers or any female at his stag, the wedding was off, THAT i said in front of everyone cause they know i dont tolerate that crap.
    Aside from all his caring, loving and faithfulness, i STILL cannot let go of this "starring" problem. It just somehow overrides everything else that is positive. SOme might say, why dont you look at all the good things he stands for, and chalk that up as one of his faults, blah blah blah, but, if i could, i WOULD. It is more than just a FAULT to me, its a big HURT to me. It has become an OBSESSION...and some dont get it.

     
    Old 12-06-2004, 07:51 PM   #44
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    Re: Thoughts of my husband & other women

    I get it. That's why we're here on the OCD board! We both recognize that we have a problem, and it's going to be tough to fix it, but something has to be done because it's decreasing our quality of life. Just like you said, you can't see the positive things about this wonderful man you married. How painful! Does no one understand how hard that must be for you??
    Sure, most people have no problem accepting faults in their spouses. But they do not suffer the way we do. They don't understand, and what they say means absolutely nothing to us.

     
    Old 12-06-2004, 07:58 PM   #45
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    Re: Thoughts of my husband & other women

    Precisely. You know i even had a friend try to tell me its as if i was choosing to let this bother me about him. She meant well, but i snapped on her, saying, Oh yeah, i WANT to be miserable, i am that sick that i am CHOOSING to be hurt by him. Then i can go all out and say Mickey Mouse makes me vomit every time i see him. Its that absurd of a comment! Come on, would we really do this to ourselves unless it really did kill our emotions? I think then we would need a straight jacket.
    I dont blame people if they just say " I dont understand"...but not try and cure our problem with a stupid comment. Has anyone ever told you that, or something simliar to that ?

     
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