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    Old 05-02-2005, 06:27 PM   #1
    TakeThatOCD
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    Scrupulosity/OCD is the pits

    Scrupolisty like any other form of OCD is really the pits. I had a wonderful religous experience several months ago and a week afterward started having all kinds of terrible thoughts about God and Jesus. Since then it has been a living nightmare. All kinds of bad thoughts about the Lord, and thoughts about the devil have really gotten me down. My doctor put me on paxil which didn't go over real well and then on prozac which didn't go over real well either. Now he has me on Celexa which seems to be ok at least for now. I mean I still have the thoughts and the fear is really of the god's wrath and fear of the devil himself. Sometimes I actually go out and on purpose have the terrible thoughts so I can attack the thought itself or undue it. Or I'll try and have it so I can disprove the thought which ususally will end up in hours of debates. Whether its saying something bad against god or something good about the devil my new thought to counter it is this. "That is a ridiculous thought" or Garbage thought God throw it away and I believe he will. While the thoughts are still there it does seem to help a little. I mean it's the best I can do for now until some other terrible thought comes up. But I won't give up. Some days are good others are bad it goes with the territory. Still, they are not pleasant thoughts. I refuse to watch any horror movies relating to evil I'd have to run out of the theater in sheer horror. It's tough and like any other sufferer with OCD it's not fun. It's funny what kind of poison the mind can come up with isn't it? Fear of even having a bad thought or that it might be true when it isn't is probably a common theme with OCD. The one thing I try to remember is it's OCD and it's trying to attack something important to you. It will try to terrorize you with all kinds of scary and bizzare thoughts about the devil and all kinds of other garbage while you are in church or anywhere else for that matter. OCD for anyone who does suffer from it is really the pits but the other thing I have to remember is that God understands what OCD is and he loves me and everyone else no matter what. These thoughts will never go anywhere and they are nothing more then garbage thoughts. Yes, it is easier said then done but that is the truth and not the terrible lies OCD would have and try to make be believe at times.

     
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    Old 05-02-2005, 08:27 PM   #2
    tinagrl03
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    Re: Scrupulosity/OCD is the pits

    Your right.

    I have religious obsessions and the fear of hurting people whatever you call that obsession too.I hate it so much and I love God so much.I get these thoughts "What it f I want to be evil?" and like you I debate about it forever in my mind.I just want it to stop,but what can I do? *sighs*

     
    Old 05-03-2005, 08:13 AM   #3
    Hope71
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    Re: Scrupulosity/OCD is the pits

    My 15 yr old son struggles with the same thing he feels like he is not a christian at times and that something is telling him he is satan's child and on and on. He says very long prayers and has to have it quiet to do so (which I am like that with prayer or reading a book). He has the constant need to confess the most bizzare things and the need to feel like he has to go to the alter for true forgivness every Sunday (however he does not always do it) For instance this past Sunday he went down once at offering time and once at invitation time....he sd he did not finish his prayer...Do any of you feel this way? God bless you in your struggle I pray for all people with OCD every day.

     
    Old 05-03-2005, 09:01 AM   #4
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    Smile Re: Scrupulosity/OCD is the pits

    Hope71,


    When I was 13 (I'm 16 now) I confessed everything to my mom.I mean the tiniest little thing I would confess.I hated it but I felt like a bad person when I didn't and I couldn't do anything else until I did.I would cry about it if I tryed not confessing.Every once in a while I still go on these confessing things,but for the most part,I don't confess hardly anything to my mom.I still have OCD pretty bad and in ways its worse but it goes away,them comes back.14-15,I hardly had it just every once in a while,and now its back again.

    It was mostly when I was 13 though.I has depression mixed in with OCD I think,probally because I didn't have any hope it would get better.I am much happier now than I was then.I'll pray for your son,and I'm sure it'll get better for him like it did for me.I've read some of your other posts,and he sounds a lot like me in some ways.God really helped me thru a lot,and I know he'll help me thru this OCD phase,like he has the rest God Bless!

     
    Old 05-03-2005, 09:23 AM   #5
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    Re: Scrupulosity/OCD is the pits

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by tinagrl03
    Hope71,


    When I was 13 (I'm 16 now) I confessed everything to my mom.I mean the tiniest little thing I would confess.I hated it but I felt like a bad person when I didn't and I couldn't do anything else until I did.I would cry about it if I tryed not confessing.Every once in a while I still go on these confessing things,but for the most part,I don't confess hardly anything to my mom.I still have OCD pretty bad and in ways its worse but it goes away,them comes back.14-15,I hardly had it just every once in a while,and now its back again.

    It was mostly when I was 13 though.I has depression mixed in with OCD I think,probally because I didn't have any hope it would get better.I am much happier now than I was then.I'll pray for your son,and I'm sure it'll get better for him like it did for me.I've read some of your other posts,and he sounds a lot like me in some ways.God really helped me thru a lot,and I know he'll help me thru this OCD phase,like he has the rest God Bless!
    Thank you so much that was a very sweet response. Are you on meds and if so what kind?

    My son goes through spells where some weeks he will call me at lunch from school every day or maybe a few times a week to confess or maybe just get reassurance with whatever is troubling him that day. It is tough for him and he is not very happy most of the time. He just looks so sad all of the time and his constant need to confess drives him batty. I tell him he does not have to confess it to me and he says it makes him feel better. I guess it is like has a constant grip on you until you confess and then maybe you feel some relief. It could be religious, sexual, violate you name it and he will confess. God Bless you and I will pray for you as well...Thanks a bunch

     
    Old 05-03-2005, 02:15 PM   #6
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    Re: Scrupulosity/OCD is the pits

    Hope71,Your welcome


    I think my biggest confessions were my sexual obsessions;probally because their so far away from anything I would ever do,and so it botherd me a lot.Your right,I would get some relief from confessing,because you feel so guilty about these horible thoughts. I felt like my mom would one day be like "Thats horible Christina your such a bad person" so I told her because I neeeded to know if I was.That was part of it.Of course she nver did, wich made irt better too.Her comforting me that I was a good person always helped,wich I'm sure you do too.

    I'm not on any meds right now;my dad doesn't know I'm OCD and I haven't been diagnosed. I just found out last week looking at the sypmtoms online.I had no idea what OCD really was until then.So when I was 13,I just thought I was going crazy.I'm going to take St Johns Wart, and herbs,I heard that helps with OCD.

    My mom had OCD when she was younger,its much better now tho,but I heard you can inherit it.You don't have OCD do you?

    Well hope to talk to you later!

     
    Old 05-03-2005, 06:22 PM   #7
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    Re: Scrupulosity/OCD is the pits

    God Bless both of you Tinagrl03 and Hope71. The other thing that I am afraid of is going down in my basement because of the fear of the devil being there. I know it's absolutely ridicoulous. These thoughts have me so wound up and they are so ridiculous. I mean having thoughts about thanking the devil or Satan come to me and be my lord and savior????? Just so I can say the phrase "That is a ridicoulous thought." Because that's what it is.....Its such a ridicoulous thought but very real to me as my doctor said. And I get these thoughts during the day while praying or looking at religous figures or anything religous for that matter. Just to have the thought so I can say "That's a ridicoulous thought and I don't support those thoughts" gets a little tiring but I do this everyday. And I know it's stupid and for others it starts to become comical because its so dumb. I wish I could get dealt another set of cards and discard the OCD card.

     
    Old 05-03-2005, 06:31 PM   #8
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    Re: Scrupulosity/OCD is the pits

    It really is the pits. . .and I tried to refrain from reading your posts. Because sometimes I think if I read them, I can't get them out of my head and whatever happens to someone else will happen to me. UGH! I hate this.

     
    Old 05-04-2005, 06:50 AM   #9
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    Re: Scrupulosity/OCD is the pits

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by tinagrl03
    Hope71,Your welcome


    I think my biggest confessions were my sexual obsessions;probally because their so far away from anything I would ever do,and so it botherd me a lot.Your right,I would get some relief from confessing,because you feel so guilty about these horible thoughts. I felt like my mom would one day be like "Thats horible Christina your such a bad person" so I told her because I neeeded to know if I was.That was part of it.Of course she nver did, wich made irt better too.Her comforting me that I was a good person always helped,wich I'm sure you do too.

    I'm not on any meds right now;my dad doesn't know I'm OCD and I haven't been diagnosed. I just found out last week looking at the sypmtoms online.I had no idea what OCD really was until then.So when I was 13,I just thought I was going crazy.I'm going to take St Johns Wart, and herbs,I heard that helps with OCD.

    My mom had OCD when she was younger,its much better now tho,but I heard you can inherit it.You don't have OCD do you?

    Well hope to talk to you later!
    My son's biggest confessions are the sexual ones and the religious ones just recently he has had the homosexual fears which I understand are very normal as well.

    You obviously have a very loving and caring mom that you can talk to as well. You are lucky so many young people feel they have no one to turn to. The confessions can be about bizarre things but I just reassure him it is the OCD not him. Of course he comes bk with but I feel like it is true and that is the destructive part of OCD.

    No I do not have OCD. As a child I think I may have had some of the traits because I can remember have an overwheling fear all of the time that my mom was going to die, I constantly asked for forgivness and had some off the wall thoughts.... just little things I remember. I do understand that much of this is normal in all people so who knows.

    I hope to talk more with you and tell your mom thumbs up on her being there for you.

     
    Old 05-04-2005, 07:00 AM   #10
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    Re: Scrupulosity/OCD is the pits

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by TakeThatOCD
    God Bless both of you Tinagrl03 and Hope71. The other thing that I am afraid of is going down in my basement because of the fear of the devil being there. I know it's absolutely ridicoulous. These thoughts have me so wound up and they are so ridiculous. I mean having thoughts about thanking the devil or Satan come to me and be my lord and savior????? Just so I can say the phrase "That is a ridicoulous thought." Because that's what it is.....Its such a ridicoulous thought but very real to me as my doctor said. And I get these thoughts during the day while praying or looking at religous figures or anything religous for that matter. Just to have the thought so I can say "That's a ridicoulous thought and I don't support those thoughts" gets a little tiring but I do this everyday. And I know it's stupid and for others it starts to become comical because its so dumb. I wish I could get dealt another set of cards and discard the OCD card.
    Trust me those fears sound familiar to me. My son says he feels like an aetheist (sp) and something tells him God is not real and he is afraid he will live his life and die and go to Hell. He says he has no emotion towards God like he loves me and knows he loves me because it is a feeling but there is nothing there for anyone else including God. However I can look at it rationally I know he loves God and like i tell him God knows your heart and he knows you have OCD and struggle. For some reason he feels he needs to go forward every Sunday at church and pray. I always go down with him to show him my support I'm sure the congregations thinks that kid must have some terrible sin in his life but I have learned to ignore what I think they may be saying and focus on the big picture which is what makes him feel better and I live with him so that is way more important to me than what someone else may think. He is somewhat better and still has good days and bad days. But at least we have for right now a handle on the depression....

     
    Old 05-04-2005, 07:03 AM   #11
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    Re: Scrupulosity/OCD is the pits

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by worrywart0829
    It really is the pits. . .and I tried to refrain from reading your posts. Because sometimes I think if I read them, I can't get them out of my head and whatever happens to someone else will happen to me. UGH! I hate this.
    That is normal. My son will hear one thing in church or see two people of the same sex together or you name it and it gets stuck....God Bless you in your struggle

     
    Old 05-04-2005, 02:37 PM   #12
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    Re: Scrupulosity/OCD is the pits

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by TakeThatOCD
    God Bless both of you Tinagrl03 and Hope71. The other thing that I am afraid of is going down in my basement because of the fear of the devil being there. I know it's absolutely ridicoulous. These thoughts have me so wound up and they are so ridiculous. I mean having thoughts about thanking the devil or Satan come to me and be my lord and savior????? Just so I can say the phrase "That is a ridicoulous thought." Because that's what it is.....Its such a ridicoulous thought but very real to me as my doctor said. And I get these thoughts during the day while praying or looking at religous figures or anything religous for that matter. Just to have the thought so I can say "That's a ridicoulous thought and I don't support those thoughts" gets a little tiring but I do this everyday. And I know it's stupid and for others it starts to become comical because its so dumb. I wish I could get dealt another set of cards and discard the OCD card.

    TakeThatOCD,

    I need to confess something here. My son has OCD and like you and others has had severe struggles but he is SO much better now.
    But nonetheless I am a 49 year old male who is still afraid of the dark and things like basements or being alone on dark streets. To a great extent you are very normal in that regard. So smile


    Perhaps maybe I have a small amount of OCD or a phobia of some sort, I really do not know.
    But how do I handle it? I in my own way either just avoid dark areas alone or I move very quickly. I will "skip" steps as fast as I can then later I laugh about it. But hey, it has worked for me or a Looong time and I am fine with it.

    But feel you are O.K. here as those feelings are normal for many many people INCLUDING 49 year old tuff guys.

     
    Old 05-04-2005, 03:38 PM   #13
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    Re: Scrupulosity/OCD is the pits

    My OCD started in my early teens. The obsessive crazy/sick thoughts were continuous for the next thirty years. It consumed me. I never confided in anyone because I didn't want to be "mentally ill", or have my friends abandon me. It wasn't until I was in my forties that I saw one of those late night infomertials about panic disorder and OCD. I almost cried. Those people were
    me. Unfortunately I didn't order the tapes for another three years because even though it looked good, I figured it had to be a scam. (of course, with OCD I had to analyse all the parameters over and over). Eventually I did order those tapes and they helped quite a bit. Just knowing there were others out there with similar problems was very comforting. I found two books that were a major help to me. One was "Tormenting thoughts and secret rituals", by Ian Osborn and the other was, "Getting Control", by Judith L. Rapopart. These books are great. OCD sufferers will always have these compultions and obsessive thoughts but realizing what they are and dealing with them effectivley is a type of cure. When I was at my worst with OCD the only time I had peace of mind was an hour after surfing or when I was really sick. Now, at 52, I have alot of peace of mind. I am about 80 percent better which is a major relief for me. I still have those thoughts popping up but I am better at realizing what they are and better at not anylizing them to the tenth degree. I have done this without any drugs. I wish there had been an internet back when I was a teenager with sites like these. I also wish there had been an understanding of what OCD was back then too. It would have saved me so many years of suffering. Take care and find some peace of mind.

     
    Old 05-04-2005, 06:51 PM   #14
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    Re: Scrupulosity/OCD is the pits

    [QUOTE=Stumper]TakeThatOCD,

    But nonetheless I am a 49 year old male who is still afraid of the dark and things like basements or being alone on dark streets.

    QUOTE]

    This is a phobia I have too! I NEVER go in my basement alone and I hate being out by myself when it's dark. UGH!!

     
    Old 05-05-2005, 04:59 PM   #15
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    Unhappy Re: Scrupulosity/OCD is the pits

    Kind of a better day for me today. Still I was on pins and needles all day. Does anyone else get this as well? Where you know you are on eggshells just waiting for OCD to strike? It's almost just as bad but not quite. I did have a few episodes this morning more like brushfires but I put them out so it wasn't to bad. The funny thing is the worst one happened this afternoon. I tell you when I feel the tension starting to mount it's almost like right before my very eyes it's like I am Dr Jekyll turning into Mr Hyde literally. At least that's what my brain tries to tell me. I know it isn't true and I try to dismiss the thoughts but when you go into OCD mode your brain can try to convince you of any outrageous thing that is totally bogus but the debate will start. I mean I can just hear myself saying "I'm Dr Henry Jekyll I've done nothing." You're looking for a man named Hyde." It seems like my brain is out to hang me. And as I have mentioned the thoughts are completely ridicoulous but the brain tries to turn me into Mr Hyde time and time again. Does anyone else feel like this? It's awful. However, up until this afternoon, these religous obsessions weren't that bad and right now they seem to be fizzling out. For now that is. But it's still good news.

     
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