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  • Convinced that my thoughts are true

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    Old 07-17-2005, 01:06 PM   #1
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    Convinced that my thoughts are true

    I've never typed on this board but I've read a lot looking for anything that might be similar to what I go through every day. I found a couple of things but nothing exact. My "OCD" started after I miscarried my first child. For whatever reason, I became convinced that I had contracted AIDS and this is why I miscarried. I went for a test. It was negative, which I knew it would be. I'm married, faithful, etc but something in my head kept telling me that I had this disease. After I found out my test was fine, I started worring that blood or semen got into something I was eating or touching and that I was "contaminated i.e got HIV/AIDS. I'd find red spots on white paper, etc. public bathrooms became a nightmare. Doing simple household chores having become an ordeal because I'm convinced blood or semen is on everything. I went on medicine that didn't get rid of the thoughts but made them managible. I went off the medication so that my husband and I could try for another child. I became pregnant, thoughts intensified, and then I became convinced that I was doing sexual things with whoever, wherever, anytime thoughtout the day. I could be in a supermarket, I'd be convinced something happened, or I'd be in an elevator with someone and feel scared, or the coffee guy would be talkative and then my head would go wild with these thoughts. Took more tests. "Confessed" these thoughts to my husband, who for God only knows why" is sticking by me and believes in me more than I do". We thought after our child was born, the thoughts might subside but they didn't. They just got worse with even more disgusting thoughts. I spent days thinking about about suicide, but fought through it. This disease has already robbed me of so much. I've been on every medication, I've seen several doctors. They all say its OCD. That I'm not psychotic, or anything else but that doesn't make me feel better. It doesn't convince me that these things aren't happening. I worry every day, most of the day. I feel sad, lost all self esteem. I'm ashamed. I've told my husband to take our baby and just go. Find someone who doesn't have this. He says he won't leave, but I believe its just a matter of time. I spent my whole life free of this, why would this happen at what was supposed to be the happiest time of my life. I feel like I'm going to lose everything I love because of this. Is anyone else going though this? How do you get through each day.

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    Old 07-17-2005, 02:28 PM   #2
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    Re: Convinced that my thoughts are true

    Hi hope
    OCD is classes as an anxiety disorder, relaxation and stress managment reduces anxiety so you need to learn new ways of relaxing and calming yourself, gentle exercise and long walks are very relaxing....

    antidepressant meds sometimes help with OCD
    the book brainlock has useful advic e for the unwanted thoughts

    Old 07-17-2005, 05:53 PM   #3
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    Re: Convinced that my thoughts are true

    oh, you poor thing!!

    it's anxiety, it's anxiety, keep telling yourself that!!
    you ARE NOT going CRAZY, i will bet my eyeballs on it

    it's the pits but just anxiety, do you know about
    deep breathing?....and i can't say enough about walking.

    do you like salmon?..go cook some(brain food)....drink water and
    try to get a good night's sleep...all these things will help.
    it's hard to fight this when sleep deprived.

    intrusive thoughts and the panic they cause are truly
    the worst thing i've been thru and i've had my share.

    also, get a book about OCD....and look at all of us
    with it, it should bring you some comfort.

    hang in there and learn the coping skills to help
    beat this monster.

    you're husband sounds like a good guy. when i first had
    my son i also felt like my dh would be better off w/o
    dealing with this crap.

    how old is your child.....try to enjoy him/her.


    Old 07-21-2005, 05:58 PM   #4
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    Re: Convinced that my thoughts are true


    DO NOT LOSE HOPE! OCD is a terrible, unforgiving disorder that attacks you at the most unexpected time and it can be relentless. When you are in the mists of your obsessions, its hard to think of anything else because it all seems so real but OCD is not psychosis. You never really lose touch with reality, it's just OCD intruding on your piece of mind and making you think and believe things that are illogical. I know the feeling of low self esteem and shame as a result of the obsessional thoughts, I think others with OCD can relate to that as well. IT's hard to feel like you will ever have control over the thoughts that seem to control you but it can happen. You just have to find the right combination (for everyone it differs) of meds, therapy and self learning. You mentioned that you see a doctor, is he/she a therapist or medical doctor because that makes a big difference. Also, you have been on meds, personally Zoloft helped me tremendously. I stopped taking Zoloft once I became pregnant and about 2 months ago my obsessions flaired up again BAD and I made the decision to get through it without meds until I give birth but I know the despair OCD brings. I've cried for days at a time. I've stresssed out my husband and my mom which are the only 2 people I can really count on. OCD can turn your life upside down but you can and will conquer it. I've read several books on the subject that have helped me through the toughest times. One of them is Brain Lock by Jeffrey Schwartz. That book helped me to get rid of most of my compulsions which were taking up hours of my day. The second book which helps me with my obsessions which I think are much harder to control is a book called "Tormenting Thoughts and Secret Rituals" by Ian Osborn. Whenever my obsessions get really bad, I read the Tormenting Thoughts book because it helps to explain so much of the disorder. It also gives some really good coping skills for dealing with obsessional thoughts. Don;t give up on yourself, don;t give in to the despair. There are so many people who have to live with OCD everyday and I have found some really good advice on this board so keep checking it and keep trying to find the right help for yourself. Look for a support group in your area. The OC Foundation is a good resource for that.

    Stay calm through the storm, you will get through this. I'm not sure what your religious beliefs are but believing in God can also help you get through this. I pray you get better soon.

    All the best,


    Old 08-08-2005, 05:01 PM   #5
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    Re: Convinced that my thoughts are true

    I have had it for years. Medication and counseling have saved my life. Ask a doctor about Luvox. It has been wonderful for me. How is it going now?

    Last edited by chris1010; 08-08-2005 at 05:01 PM.

    Old 08-08-2005, 10:00 PM   #6
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    Re: Convinced that my thoughts are true

    It sucks. I hope things pick up for you. I got it in the 7th grade (I'm in 12th) so I feel like I've been robbed, that I'm doomed for the rest of my life. I wish I could've gotten it later because I hear your teenage years are the best of your life.

    Old 08-09-2005, 10:59 PM   #7
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    Re: Convinced that my thoughts are true

    -Take up a Hobby
    -Get into School
    -Research interesting topics that are silly
    -Enroll in stress classes
    -Read books

    ANYTHING that is time consuming and relaxing that will make you feel better and get your head off of your condition.

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