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  • Hello! "Pure O" here! I've finally realized I have a problem,thought I'd join ya!



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    Old 08-11-2005, 08:00 AM   #1
    Amberay
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    Hello! "Pure O" here! I've finally realized I have a problem,thought I'd join ya!

    Hello everyone! I'm new to this board. I had been posting on the mental health bored because at first I didn't realize what was going on with me. A good friend of mine, Gatsbyluvr1920 has really helped me through these hard times! When I realized that there was something wrong, I went to the doctor who tried to diagnose me with BP, boy was she waaaay off! I have argued her diagnosis but she still believes thats the case, but took me off Zyprexa anyway to give it a try. She says that people with OCD don't suffer from depression, just goes to show how a lot of people are uneducated about this dissorder. My problem is more with obsessive and intrusive thoughts, I barely have any compulsions. Sometime I wish I did because then my dissorder would be more obvious to people. I decided to start posting here because I feel that I can learn alot from you. Thank you for your time! I look forward to hearing from you!

     
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    Old 08-11-2005, 08:34 AM   #2
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    Re: Hello! "Pure O" here! I've finally realized I have a problem,thought I'd join ya!

    Hey, Amberay! Yeah! You've finally made it to the OCD boards! It seems that you've done a lot of research on OCD and are officially convinced that you have it. Have you seen another doctor for a second opinion? Anyway, we all know that I'm a "pure O," so feel free to come vent whenever you like... I have CBT tonight and I'm not looking forward to it. I've been on the go for two straight weeks with a jam-packed schedule and there hasn't been any time to do my CBT homework. Yesterday, my mom received the pictures of the decayed teeth in the mail from my dentist. Can't say that I've looked at them yet. A couple days each month my Zoloft doesn't seem to work and I'll obsess as much as I would without it; this happened the last few days. College is approaching and there were sooo many things to worry about at the amusement park like, "What if it rains and we can't ride? Are all of the roller coasters working? I didn't see a train pass by for awhile... is it broken down? How long will it be until it's fixed? Will the crowd be upset and think less of the park? Is my friend having fun? She seems tired- is she mad at me?" Blah, blah, blah... And, of course, I would look around at the different coasters at intermittent intervals to see if they were still up and running. I'm so honored that you called me your "good friend," and I was happy to hear that I've been able to help you! Write back soon!
    -GatsbyLuvr1920-
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    Old 08-11-2005, 08:35 AM   #3
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    Talking Re: Hello! "Pure O" here! I've finally realized I have a problem,thought I'd join ya!

    Hi! I am pure o also. I do not have any compulsions or rituals. I understand that at times OCD can be very hard and is a struggle.

     
    Old 08-11-2005, 12:01 PM   #4
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    Re: Hello! "Pure O" here! I've finally realized I have a problem,thought I'd join ya!

    Hi, can someone clarify what pure o means

     
    Old 08-11-2005, 01:48 PM   #5
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    Re: Hello! "Pure O" here! I've finally realized I have a problem,thought I'd join ya!

    joa- "Pure O" means that a person has much more problems with obsessions than with compulsions. These are people who usually have sexual, blasphemous, and/or violent obsessions, which there's no definite correlation for a compulsion (such as contamination obsessions and hand washing). Most of us think that we don't have any compulsions, but more often than not, we do- they're just mental compulsions. Common mental compulsions are counting, repeating phrases, praying, and/or the "counterimage" (fixing a "bad" image to be a "good" image). Since nobody sees us performing our compulsions, it never occurs to them that we have OCD because society is taught to expect an obsessive-compulsive to be germophobic and a perfectionist. We're often the ones who don't realize that we have OCD and think that we instead are schizophrenic because we've suddenly lost control of our thoughts. Personally, I feel that being a "pure O" is the worst subset of OCD; if someone is washing their hands 100 times a day or is constantly rechecking to make sure the door is locked, there's a noticeable problem, and even if the person's loved ones don't suspect OCD, a doctor will. However, in the case of pure obsessionals, our OCD is more hidden and we're forced to constantly struggle with the images without any physical manifestation in terms of compulsions. Being a pure O, to me, might not be the most debilitating as far as being housebound, but it is the most debilitating in terms of explaining your disorder. Many times, once I tell close friends that I'm being treated for OCD, they're very skeptical that I have it because they've known me for so long and I hide my symptoms very well. It's very frustrating because if I was afraid of germs, they'd believe me, but since I constantly battle against blasphemous phrases all day long in my head, they can't see the pain I'm in. That's what Amberay meant by saying that she wishes that she could have more noticeable compulsions because, if we did, people wouldn't be as inclined to think that we're exaggerating and misdiagnosing ourselves... If you have any more questions, feel free to ask!
    -GatsbyLuvr1920-
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    Old 08-11-2005, 02:28 PM   #6
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    Re: Hello! "Pure O" here! I've finally realized I have a problem,thought I'd join ya!

    thats exactly how i felt when this happened.. first thing i thought was "oh crap! i am becoming schizo!" i dont know why it took so long for the OCD to show its self in me i have had anxiety disorder since age 17 and i would have thought 11 years would have been more then enough time for it to get noticed by me.. makes me wonder what else is waiting to show up that didnt before.. <--- thats my obsessive thought for the last 2 weeks.. pure O is def a sucktastic thing to deal with..

    Last edited by Punkdizzle; 08-11-2005 at 02:28 PM.

     
    Old 08-11-2005, 02:35 PM   #7
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    Re: Hello! "Pure O" here! I've finally realized I have a problem,thought I'd join ya!

    Gatsby-I am convinced I have it but I still hide it from others, boyfriend included. I feel bad for hiding it from him, but I'm afraid. He might turn it into a joke or something. I did talk to my sister about it because I've noticed that she has the same symptoms. She seems to agree. My mom brought it up after a discussion once but at the time, I said no way. I haven't been able to talk to her about it since. Honestly I get really tired of talking about my health all the time. That has been a new issue for me, when ever I talk to people I repeat in my head "I'm not going to talk about my health" over and over. Whenever I do, my family turns it into a joke. My meds have really helped, at least I don't feel like I'm destined to die of some disease anymore. I do still obsess about health issues, and I constantly check myself, but it's not as bad. I don't cry for days about it. I havent had any thoughts about hurting my kids for awhile, thank god! I think that was the worst of it!
    Joe- If I told my partner about this, he would think it's just me finding another thing wrong with myself, or turn it into a joke. Because I only have small compulsions, like spending extra time cutting my childs food into tiny peices out of fear she will choke, he would never believe me. He is aware of some of my intrusive thoughts, because at the point when I was at my worst, I couldnt hide it from him anymore. He was very supportive, but there's still a part of me that holds back. I've made him believe that it was just a break down and I'm fine now
    Gatsby- You have helped me out in a big way! You're the only one I feel I can talk to that wont judge me and understands. You've put a sense of normal back into me. When I first came on here, I thought I was schizophrenic. I thought forsure that people on here would say that I was. When I pictured OCD I always pictured the movie "As Good As It Gets" with Jack Nicolson. OCD had never even crossed my mind. All of my responses said OCD, but I thought, no way!

     
    Old 08-12-2005, 08:41 AM   #8
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    Re: Hello! "Pure O" here! I've finally realized I have a problem,thought I'd join ya!

    Hi Gatsby! I'm not going on my trip this weekend, I had to cancel. My boyfriend and I are going through a financial struggle. He is really depressed lately, going through a lot in his head. He's a recovering alcoholic and addict, lately I'm worried that he's slipping back into that old mind frame again. He puts so much pressure on him self to make money, he's really been over working himself. This is what always gets him into trouble. I have lots of worries that if he chooses to start drinking again, I'll have to leave for good. I'm on the first plane back to Minnesota forsure. There is no way I'll beable to deal with the hell he put us through for so many years. So he canceled the trip to work, and I canceled to stay home with him. I really wanted to go, but there are some things that are more important! Now my OCD is starting up again. I've had this new spot on my head for over a year now. It started up very small and has grown. It's always been a worry in the back of my mind, but I've never had it looked at. I started focusing on it a bit lately and decided to research skin cancer. It fits the discription of some cancers. Now it's back to the drawing board! I keep going to the bathroom to look at it, and I'm constantly on the computer looking it up. I don't want to point it out to my boyfriend because I just go over my fear of HIV, and cirvical cancer, brain tumors, and my daughter having Leukimia. Now my fear is skin cancer, this is never ending! What next! I want this to end! Why can't I just look at a symptom and not relate it to something devistating? I hate it!
    You shouldnt ever worry about rejection on this board! I think that you help a lot of people here. You are a good person with a big heart! Write back soon!

     
    Old 08-13-2005, 07:02 AM   #9
    GatsbyLuvr1920
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    Re: Hello! "Pure O" here! I've finally realized I have a problem,thought I'd join ya!

    Hey, Amberay! I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend's problems. That must be hard to deal with your problems in addition to his and taking care of your little girls... Have you gone to a doctor yet to see about getting on medication? Chances are that your hypochondriacal fears will be lessened somewhat if you're on an SSRI, or at least in CBT. I'm still skin-picking, but now I've moved on to a new area: my sunburned shoulders! Yeah! I know that it's OCD-related, though, rather than self-injury or a cosmetic issue because last night, I literally couldn't stop until an entire area was peeled and there wasn't any places that I could tear more off of. I think my main reason for skin-picking is smooth skin- I hate deformities that shouldn't be there, but once I pick, I worry about infection and dying. Anyway, with college looming on the horizon, my fears are also coming back full-force. Now I'm worrying about my schedule. I'm worried that I won't be able to complete my major with only three classes a semester, but my doctors only want me to take three classes because of my OCD and compulsive-avoidance procrastination, and two of the classes that I must take are calculus and an introductory chem class (the two I'm fearing the most, by the way), and I'm afraid of failing them and also looking stupid by only taking three classes, and I want to take an intro psych course for my neuroscience major, but the counseling lady at the college says that it's a very demanding course, and I'm afraid that if I take it, I'll be overwhelmed and fail even quicker, but I want at least one course that I'll totally enjoy... (Had to write this in a run-on sentence just to show the unrealistic OCD mind at work! ) I'm so glad that I've been able to help you! I love how you mentioned "As Good as it Gets." It was proclaimed as the "OCD movie," but it's unrealistic in many ways as well as stereotypical. I'd think that Jack Nicholson's character had more symptoms of Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder than OCD because very few OCD-ers would ever act that cruelly to a person because it would just cause them even greater guilt. People with OCPD, however, are convinced that they're right, and they'll obstinately argue with anyone who disagrees with their beliefs. If you want an excellent OCD movie, see "The Aviator." It's very realistic, and even though it portrays Howard Hughes' germophobia, there's lots of scenes where his actions remind me of myself- it seems that the symptoms cross over all subsets of OCD. Leo DiCaprio did a splendid job- he should have won the Oscar! He not only did a realistic job by showing the pain and destruction OCD can cause, but he's also incredibly hot! For preparation for the movie, he followed a guy with OCD around so he could observe their symptoms- he could have followed me around! LOL! Even the music they chose to use was obsessive-compulsive! It's all repeating rhythms and counting! I hope everything's okay with you and your boyfriend. Write back soon! I really enjoy talking to you (as if you didn't already know)!
    -GatsbyLuvr1920-
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    Last edited by GatsbyLuvr1920; 08-13-2005 at 07:12 AM.

     
    Old 08-13-2005, 07:40 AM   #10
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    Re: Hello! "Pure O" here! I've finally realized I have a problem,thought I'd join ya!

    Good morning! Just waking up with my usual pot of coffee. I completely agree with your doctor about only taking 3 classes. You really shouldnt be over loading yourself with all this school work. You need to take care of yourself first, and school is a big stressor in your life. I would hate to see you have a nervous breakdown! Nobody is going to judge you for taking less classes, if anything I think it's the smart thing to do. That way you can start slow and put more focus on the 3 you choose. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself! That is one thing that drives me crazy about school, and to tell you the trueth, I'm happy to not go back. Well, maybe I'm not happy, I just have such a bad fear of school, I can't do it. School scares me to death! I understand what you are going through. I give you a lot of credit, if it were me, I would have said "screw it" by now. That's what I did. Maybe we need to loosen up and have a beer or something! Just kidding! Okay, maybe I'm not kidding! I haven't gone back to the doctor yet, still waiting on my insurance. Thank god I had her take BP off of my records! I was told that if it was on my records, I couldn't be insured! That was a close one. As soon as my health insurance starts up, I plan on switching doctors, and start treatment for this dissorder. I don't know how to tell my boyfriend yet. Maybe I'll wait to tell him, go to the doctor, then tell him what the doctors diagnosis is. Do you think that a doctor will figure it out, or try to diagnose me with something else? Are my symptoms that clear, or will a doctor think I'm weird? Write back soon! I look forward to hearing from you!

    Last edited by Amberay; 08-13-2005 at 07:54 AM.

     
    Old 08-15-2005, 03:44 PM   #11
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    Re: Hello! "Pure O" here! I've finally realized I have a problem,thought I'd join ya!

    Hey, Amberay! Sorry if it seems that I've been ignoring you, but it's related to my OCD. Surprise! I told you that writing makes me nervous, but it's heightened when I'm writing to a friend. That's why I seldom write e-mail- I just procrastinate in order to avoid the fear. I don't really mind writing on these boards in response to posts by people I don't know very well, but since I consider you my only true friend on here, I get nervous. I know it's stupid, but I guess I just get worried that I won't know what to say, or that I'll say the wrong thing... I guess you know why I'm not majoring in English! Too many essays! I actually wrote this response this morning, but when I went to post, the server went out and erased all of the message! Anyway, I loved the joke you made about going out for a beer with you! That was sooo funny, especially since you probably know that fear-stricken me has never had any alcohol whatsoever! The weird thing about me is that, even though I don't drink, I actually want to be a bartender later on in college. How twisted is that?! I guess that I'd like to make drinks because it is sort of formulaic. The kids at school always got a kick out of me when I told them that I might like to be a bartender. They weren't expecting prudish, conservative, teetotaling me to know what ingredients are in a Cosmopolitan and a martini! I'm glad to hear that they've taken "bipolar disorder" off of your chart, but I think it's horrible that the insurance company won't cover people who're bipolar. That's stigma and prejudice- they're assuming that all people with manic-depression will commit suicide... I'd advise going to a psychiatrist for a diagnose rather than your PCP. As you found out from your last doctor, PCP's don't really have much background in psychiatric disorders, and chances are, they won't recognize that you have OCD because they're only trained to look for the stereotypical hand-washing and checking, and know next to nothing about pure obsessions. No, I don't think that your symptoms are obvious, so you'll have to be very honest and forthright about all of your obsessions, no matter how strange. Don't be ashamed of your intrusive thoughts! If I had had to go to a psychiatrist when I was 12, before I knew what was wrong, I would have been reluctant as well to tell them what was wrong, but you know that you have a specific condition, so don't be afraid to voice what's happening in your head. I learned this the hard way- when my mother first took me to be put on medicine when I was 15, my old PCP said that I had Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I remember thinking, "My anxiety and fear is far from 'generalized' and 'common,'" but since I didn't then know what I had, I just accepted it. The doctor probably didn't suspect anything else because my mom told her that we were always fighting, and that I was always worried about my grades. To her, it probably seemed like GAD with the "worries" and the irritability, but since she wasn't a psychiatrist, she didn't ask me further questions or ask me about any other mental problems and/or fears I might have had in the past. I would think that if you went for a psychiatric evaluation, that your symptoms would be better understood, and there wouldn't be any worry about seeming "weird"- they've heard it all! I hope all goes well, and write back soon!
    -GatsbyLuvr1920-
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    Old 08-15-2005, 03:47 PM   #12
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    Re: Hello! "Pure O" here! I've finally realized I have a problem,thought I'd join ya!

    Amberay- Just so you know, I posted a reply, but for some reason, they won't let me go to the third page to see if it was actually posted...
    -GatsbyLuvr1920-
    Just checked- boards seem to be working now! Yeah!
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    Last edited by GatsbyLuvr1920; 08-15-2005 at 03:47 PM.

     
    Old 08-15-2005, 08:46 PM   #13
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    Re: Hello! "Pure O" here! I've finally realized I have a problem,thought I'd join ya!

    Hey Gatsby! I figured that you were most likely going through something, I understand. If it helps, I look forward to hearing from ya! I, myself, have been avoiding the boards a bit. I'm trying to cut back on my computer time. This thing has consumed me! If I'm not working on it, I'm on these boards or researching something. It's been taking away my time with the kids lately, and I feel guilty about hiding it from my boyfriend. I'm really fighting back the urges! You've never had a drink ah? Not even one? I've done all my partying, that's forsure! I drank quit heavily until I met my boyfriend (Bud). At the time, I didn't realize he had a problem. He took the fun right out of that one for me. When I look back, I don't miss the nights of puking and awful hangovers. I absolutly will not drink now that he is sober. He says that I can but I don't feel right about it. I think that it's cool that you want to be a bartender for awhile, that would be good money while you're in school. I had such a crazy weekend! Bud found some puppies in a box, left outside to die! We live in Arizona, they would have if we didn't grab them. We brought them home for the weekend to find them homes. I felt like I was running a daycare! They were soooooo cute! Where are you from anyway? Talk to you soon! Hope all is well!

    Last edited by Amberay; 08-15-2005 at 08:49 PM.

     
    Old 08-15-2005, 09:33 PM   #14
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    Re: Hello! "Pure O" here! I've finally realized I have a problem,thought I'd join ya!

    Hey, Amberay! I figured something was up with YOU because you seemed to be responding to all of the mental health boards less often! We're so perceptive! I guess it's easier for me to respond right away when you respond right away, but since we both have our own computer issues, it could be a problem at times! I think that's horrible about the puppies. I can't imagine ever treating an animal that way- it's so cruel. My aunt has a cat that had to have its tail amputated because its former owner threw it out of his car in a garbage bag, and someone ran over his tail. They should punish people for animal cruelty! If you're not into animals or don't want them, take it to a shelter so someone can love it... Yeah, it is kinda hard to believe that an 18-year-old has never had a drink (other than when my mother would let me try a sip of wine or something, which is when I found out early on that liquor didn't appeal to me), but I attribute this to my OCD, too. I'm so afraid of drugs, booze, sex- you name it- because I feel that if I would partake in any of it, then I wouldn't be "perfect" and "virginal," and God would look down on me. Needless to say, I'm waiting for marriage, but that probably isn't surprising because of my blasphemous and sexual intrusive thoughts! That's another reason that I'm afraid of going to college- all of the drinking and date rape. I'm actually not that much of a prude; a lot of my friends drank, and that's cool. I'm not one of those that looks down on somebody else for doing something that I don't condone for my own personal behavior, but at least I was never with my friends when they drank, and in college, it's practically everywhere you look. Another reason why the drinking age should be lowered to 18, but that's another story... I know what you mean about the computer being addictive and taking up so much of your time, but it's sort of a good thing in my case. At least it keeps my mind busy and free from worries for a couple hours each day, and I love testing out my future "doctor diagnosing" skills on the psychiatric boards! Still, I know that I won't be satisfied unless I can get to 500 posts before I go to college. After all, 500 makes me a senior veteran, and it's also a nice, even number with a lot of finalty to it! Write back soon, and even though I won't be able to write nearly as much in a couple weeks, I promise that I'll try to stay in touch!
    -GatsbyLuvr1920-
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    Last edited by GatsbyLuvr1920; 08-15-2005 at 09:39 PM.

     
    Old 08-16-2005, 07:58 AM   #15
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    Re: Hello! "Pure O" here! I've finally realized I have a problem,thought I'd join ya!

    Good morning! How are you? It's early, I'm not awake yet. I haven't posted on the mental health board because I figure this is where I belong now that I know what's going on with me. I posted on there a few times while you were gone, to give advice. I feel that I don't know enough about any mental dissorders to talk to anyone else who needs help. I'm also afraid to say the wrong things. I only experimented a little with drugs in high school. I smoked pot for a couple of years, tried cocaine once and acid 3 times. My last time taking acid, I had what they call a "bad trip". I was raped when I was 16. After that I took my last hit of acid, my whole trip was about death. That sparked up my anxiety and panic attacks. I quit all drugs after that. Even when my friends would smoke pot, I didn't even want to be around to breath it in. I think that it's great that you stay away from drinking and drugs, from my experiences, it only causes problems! It seems like you had an easier time writing before you left, are things worse for you now? I'm the type of person that always wants to come up with a plan to fix things, is there anything I can do to help? I know that would be hard because I'm sure we live a long ways away from eachother. That's another part of my problem, if someone is having troubles, I will think and think until I can come up with a plan. In Buds case, I tend to do that a lot. I'm sure you have your OCD under controle. I was going to reply to your comments you made earlier about how it's not fair that insurance companies won't cover you if you already have a dissorder like BP, or Schizophrinia. That seems so unconstitutional to me! I think that's wrong! The first guy that came over here to interview us, said that he wouldn't cover me because I suffer from depression! He completely slammed the door in my face! He said that no one out there will cover me! I felt like crying! He wouldn't cover me, but he would cover Bud and the kids. That was because of my depression. I even brought up the point that depression is the #1 illness in America. I've never been hospitalized for it. He was so rude to me! The 2nd lady that came over said that he was full of crap. She said that it was true that if I was BP or something more serious, they couldn't cover me, but 1 out of 4 people she deals with suffers from depression. The nerve of some people! I wonder how they feel about OCD. Now that I'm covered before hand, if I get diagnosed as that, I don't think that they can do anything about it. It's good that I waited. Well, I'll talk to you later! Take care of yourself and try to lighten the load a bit!

     
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