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  • OCD, insomia and severe depression! advice needed!

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    Old 04-16-2007, 09:18 PM   #1
    mochi*'s Avatar
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    OCD, insomia and severe depression! advice needed!

    Hi all,
    Itís been a while since I posted here.
    I guess I donít really know where to start, I mean, I am not entirely sure what is going on with me, and was hoping others could offer some insight.
    To give some background, I am a 26 year old female, and have been diagnosed with fairly severe OCD for about ten years now.
    My OCD takes mostly the form of ďpure OĒ although I do have some compulsions, like checking the stove a million times, or repeating mundane things, like tapping something enough times..
    If you have OCD, you know what Iím saying.
    As you will also know, OCD can heighten or lesson depending on stress or circumstance.
    That said, my OCD goes from phases of ďannoying, but manageableĒ to ďcompletely unbearable.Ē
    During the unbearable times, I also experience severe bouts of depression, panic attacks, insomnia, ect.
    Iíll get to the questions soon, donít worryÖ
    For the past three years my OCD/anxiety/insomnia has been pretty severe on and off, but the depression has been pretty rare, and the OCD, though awful, is generally tolerable enough.
    I am not on meds, and havenít been for years, though I was put on Paxil twice before, and well, hated it.

    Anyways, about two weeks ago, I broke up with my boyfriend, (the only person who knows all about my OCD besides my folks). We broke up amicably, and because we were long-distance, and neither of us were moving any time soon. So, we broke up.

    Naturally, I felt devastated, missed him, cried my eyes out, got angry, had bouts of denial, ect.
    But all in all, I think those moods are normal reactions to a breakup.

    The trouble is, this hasnít stopped, not with time or care or anything. In fact, my emotions are completely overtaking me. I feel hopeless much of the time, and either unable to sleep, or sleep too much, even when I feel ďrelaxed.
    I am eating right, exercising, and being social (though I find it hard lately).
    But still, I find my thoughts muddled, deeply depressed, or completely anxious.
    Some of these thoughts are OCD thoughts, but itís more like my mid has just meshed into a giant glob of worry and sadness. And confusion.
    I couldnít sleep all last week, I was under allot of pressure at work, and before that had actually been feeling better for a while.
    But, bam- all the sudden, the insomnia, nothing helped except alcohol, which is a dangerous route, so after 6 nights of no sleep or vodka-induced rest, I called my doc, and had an emergency session.
    She gave me Ativan, only 10 days worth, and said to take it at night, and that once I catch up on rest, the anxiety and depression should ease up.
    Well, itís been two days since then, and the stuff certainly helps me relax, though she prescribed 1 mg, and I seem to need 2 mg to really conk out, otherwise, I just sort daze off calmly, but donít fall asleep.
    So, now itís back to work week, and I am under allot of pressure this week, have to be on top of it.
    But, I feel like Iím loosing it-
    I mean, I know loosing my ex made me sad and anxious, that makes sense-
    I feel like I am loosing my head at times,
    I canít concentrate, and irritable, misread words sometimes, I am constantly tiered, but never relaxed, and I have intense feelings of hopelessness about the future, like this will never go away, then I have inconsolable crying spells, that help me calm down, at least a little.
    So, I know this is vague and allot of random info on myself. I should say that I have had phases like this before, though never so persistent or intense. I am really sad, and really afraid. I used to be able to just ride this out, but it feels endless, and I donít understand why my moods are so uncontrollable.
    I am typically a slightly neurotic person, but a happy, playful, intelligent, giggly person, not this train wreck of confusion and deep sadness that I have felt like lately
    So, anyone have input on ativan for insomnia?
    Does it cause depression too?
    And does anyone else with OCD experience severe depression, and can severe depression lead to confusion, ect.?
    What should I doÖ
    I want my life back!
    This is so hard. 

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    Old 04-20-2007, 01:43 PM   #2
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    Re: OCD, insomia and severe depression! advice needed!

    I am new to this board and am just now admitting that I am OCD (to myself). They told me that 5 years ago but I didn't believe it. The feelings can be just a part of the breakup. It is hard when you have strong emotions for someone to just let go even without OCD. I too get insomnia for long periods of time but I do have MS too so it is harder for me to say which problem is the causes my insomnia I am already on many meds for the MS so I take them. They are pretty strong. But even at that the best I can hope for is about 3 hours. I have never taken Ativan How ever I take (20 mg of Baclofin muscle relaxer) (two 4 mg of zaniflex, another muscle relaxer) and (5mg valume).It sound like a lot and it is but even at that I still only get 2-3 hrs. a night with out it I don't sleep at all. Hopefully yo will find someone that is closer to you. long distance relationships are OK but it never replaces the feeling of being held by someone. It is in our nature to enjoy human contact. The depression is just the feeling of loss after a break up it too will pass in time. Best of luck and hope you feel better soon.

    Old 04-20-2007, 08:58 PM   #3
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    Re: OCD, insomia and severe depression! advice needed!

    mochi, I'm in my 50's now, but I used to be depressed for a year after a break-up, then get together with someone for a couple of weeks or months, then be totally despondent over the loss of that person for another year.
    This was when I didn't have any mental health help.

    Ask yourself: If you were not sad about the break-up, would you be sad about something else? Then share the answer to that question with your mental health provider.

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