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    Old 07-19-2007, 12:51 PM   #1
    Aspen24
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    My boyfriend has OCD--need some direction/advice please!

    My boyfriend of a couple of years just told me about 6 months ago that he has OCD tendencies (he has not been diagnosed yet). I noticed he had certain things he was doing when he would get out of the car and what not, but never knew the extent of things.

    He told me in addition to the rituals (making sure things are shut/locked, tapping, repeating things), that he has been having violent thoughts.

    He is a Christian and said he feels horrible when he has these thoughts b/c he is not that type of person - a person that would act out on them.
    He actually said he would rather kill himself then know that he hurt someone.

    He says he would NEVER hurt anyone and I know he wouldn't. He's afraid if he goes to a psychiatrist they are going to tell him he is crazy and should be locked up. Have any of you guys had experiences with this?
    It's hard for me to relate b/c I don't have a clue what this is like, so all I can do is be a listener and help as much as I can.
    He has agreed he WANTS to go see someone and I started calling around to places today to try and find someone.

    Can you of you provide me with some direction and how to act when we have conversations about it? Is he taking a step in the right direction? Is all of this normal with OCD?

    Last edited by Aspen24; 08-06-2007 at 07:41 AM.

     
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    Old 07-19-2007, 04:47 PM   #2
    Psychobabble
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    Re: My boyfriend has OCD--need some direction/advice please!

    Hi Aspen,

    First of all, I want to say that you sound like a wonderful and supportive person and that your boyfriend is lucky to have you in his life! Second of all, your boyfriend should know that he is not alone. Everything you describe definitely sounds like OCD on his part. I used to have violent thoughts and I would pray in order to 'be forgiven' for them and to get rid of the anxiety associated with them. I too felt horrible and would rather die than ever act on them. It is important to know that people with OCD NEVER act on these thoughts. You are right: what makes him different from the people on t.v. is that he knows right from wrong (or at least cares about right from wrong). OCD is a tricky disorder in that it picks on the things that are most important to a person and tries to turn it against him/her. In your boyfriend's case, it is his religiosity. Having these violent thoughts (which he should know that EVERYONE has...religious or not) makes him feel as if he is going against everything he stands for. Also, his checking rituals are tell-tale OCD symptoms.

    In my opinion, the best thing to do would be to find him a psychologist who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)...this is the most effective treatment for OCD. Also, he may want to schedule an appointment to see a psychiatrist because sometimes meds can help ease the anxiety (but it won't get rid of the OCD). CBT coupled with small doses of medication can work wonders (it is for me). Also, I can totally relate to his fear of going to a doctor thinking that the doctor will label him as crazy. When I first sought help I thought that the doctor would have me locked up or diagnose me with schizophrenia or something like that. It can be VERY scary to take that first set. But, please assure him that this will not happen. Therapists deal with everything...a well trained therapist knows OCD when he/she sees it.

    Finally, you should read up on OCD as the more information you obtain, the better able you will be to help your boyfriend. You already took a very positive step by seeking information on here. Keep doing what you're doing -- listening and supporting. He is lucky to have you! Good luck with everything :-)

     
    Old 07-20-2007, 11:11 AM   #3
    Aspen24
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    Re: My boyfriend has OCD--need some direction/advice please!

    Thanks so much for the great advice. It's reassuring to hear that, and I'm sure it would be even more reassuring for him to hear that.
    We're going to find a psychologist for him to talk to and try to set him up with a psychiatrist as well. I had him read a few of the other postings on here and I think it helped him to realize he is not "crazy" and that there are many other individuals in the same position he is. I'm sure that has to be comforting. I just know it really gets him down sometimes, but I'm happy that he WANTS to get help for it and try to understand OCD a little more.

    Thanks again for responding.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Psychobabble View Post
    Hi Aspen,

    First of all, I want to say that you sound like a wonderful and supportive person and that your boyfriend is lucky to have you in his life! Second of all, your boyfriend should know that he is not alone. Everything you describe definitely sounds like OCD on his part. I used to have violent thoughts and I would pray in order to 'be forgiven' for them and to get rid of the anxiety associated with them. I too felt horrible and would rather die than ever act on them. It is important to know that people with OCD NEVER act on these thoughts. You are right: what makes him different from the people on t.v. is that he knows right from wrong (or at least cares about right from wrong). OCD is a tricky disorder in that it picks on the things that are most important to a person and tries to turn it against him/her. In your boyfriend's case, it is his religiosity. Having these violent thoughts (which he should know that EVERYONE has...religious or not) makes him feel as if he is going against everything he stands for. Also, his checking rituals are tell-tale OCD symptoms.

    In my opinion, the best thing to do would be to find him a psychologist who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)...this is the most effective treatment for OCD. Also, he may want to schedule an appointment to see a psychiatrist because sometimes meds can help ease the anxiety (but it won't get rid of the OCD). CBT coupled with small doses of medication can work wonders (it is for me). Also, I can totally relate to his fear of going to a doctor thinking that the doctor will label him as crazy. When I first sought help I thought that the doctor would have me locked up or diagnose me with schizophrenia or something like that. It can be VERY scary to take that first set. But, please assure him that this will not happen. Therapists deal with everything...a well trained therapist knows OCD when he/she sees it.

    Finally, you should read up on OCD as the more information you obtain, the better able you will be to help your boyfriend. You already took a very positive step by seeking information on here. Keep doing what you're doing -- listening and supporting. He is lucky to have you! Good luck with everything :-)

     
    Old 07-21-2007, 11:46 PM   #4
    black_lab
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    Re: My boyfriend has OCD--need some direction/advice please!

    Aspen24,

    Although I haven't been diagnosed, some OCD tendencies have surfaced over the past three years of my life. I'm not as ritualistic as I used to be, but I still can't seem to easily dismiss unwanted thoughts. Lately, I often find myself "down in the dumps".

    About a year ago, I decided to seek help. I spoke to a family doctor, who then referred me to a psychiatrist. I found the person to be quite insightful, and for me, it really helps to "let it out". It's also important to remember that these services are offered confidentially.

    I think it's great that your boyfriend wants to go see someone. It's undoubtedly the most important step in the process. One of the most frustrating aspects of OCD is that as a sufferer, I know I'm wasting my life worrying about trivial things. I also think that your boyfriend is lucky to have you. It may not be easy listening to some of these thoughts, but I'm sure any support is greatly appreciated.

    I wish you both all the best!

     
    Old 07-23-2007, 02:44 PM   #5
    Psychobabble
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    Re: My boyfriend has OCD--need some direction/advice please!

    Hi Aspen,

    No problem at all :-) I am glad I could be of some help. It is a great thing that he wants to get help. You are both taking the right steps in dealing with this issue. It sounds as if you both have a strong and loving relationship together. I hope things are going well for you and your boyfriend!

     
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