Pure O

10-25-2007, 08:40 PM

I have been a sufferer of ‘Pure O’ since I was 17. Any type of mental illness was stigmatized by my father, so I never brought up what I was dealing with to my folks. I just suffered in silence through terrifying thoughts of hurting my parents. When I went away to college, I sought professional help. However, I didn’t tell any of the professionals I saw for 12 years after that what was really going on in my mind. I would be treated for depression, suicidal ideation and the anxiety. As I look back, I still think about what a horrible and lonely time of my life that was, even with everyone I loved around me.

Considering all the previous years of therapy had not solved the real problem, I had to do something. After I was married awhile, I built up enough courage to seek some specific help for the tortuous thoughts. I was terrified about the possibility that this person would say I was crazy. Luckily, I had a very helpful professional get me in for voluntary observation at a mental facility.

The thought of being locked down was absolutely terrifying at first (I was afraid I’d never get out). Yet another fear to add to my collection! But, after all the tests and discussions with the doctors there, they informed me that what I was dealing with had a name: OCD. They didn’t know about “Pure O” then, but just getting an answer for what had been torturing me all those years was a BIG step to begin my healing.

Don’t get me wrong, my healing didn’t happen overnight nor will it ever be ‘cured.’ To be honest, I’m suffering from an episode now as I write this. This is what caused me to seek out support on the internet this time. No matter how long you’ve been aware of what type of OCD you are dealing with, it doesn’t make things any easier in the middle of an episode.

It was a happy surprise for me to find this board. I don’t feel so alone now when an episode strikes. Any OCD flare-up I experience feels very isolating. What I’d really like is to find an online support group/chat room that could help sufferers talk through the episodes when they occur.

The people in your life who know that you have been diagnosed with OCD are just happy to see that you are on the road to ‘well’ after the initial diagnosis and assume that you will never have OCD again...like the doctor told you it was a cold! Even after all these years, I can still feel like the current episode is the one where I’ll be found to be ‘crazy,’ unlike all the episodes before.

That is the worst part of OCD for me, no matter the form or functions it takes. Each time I have an episode, no matter how far apart from each other they occur, the episode I’m in feels no less severe or less frightening than the one that came before.

10-26-2007, 11:40 AM

Tweedy, I'm glad you found this group, i too recently joined after hitting an OCD spike that threw me for a loop and I understand EXACTLY what you are talking about. I too suffer from pure-O and agree that in the midst of an episode it just feels awful.

I am starting to get back on track though thanks to both re-adjusted dosages of the medication I'm on and recently starting Cognative-Behavioral therapy. If you are not pursuing one or both of these paths I can't stress enough that you should be. You have a very real disease and just as a person with diabetes takes insulin and watches their diet, or a person with asthma might use various types of inhalers you too can get tools that can help you manage your OCD. As a sufferer of asthma i know that i will probably have it my whole life, its a physical condition and you just can't "think yourself out of it". Likewise OCD isn't something you can just think yourself out of either (in fact that can make it worse paradoxically), its a really physical problem that simply manifests itself in an intrusive and frustrating way.

The more tools you have to deal with OCD the better your life can be, and studies have shown that cognative/behavioral therapy can lead to actual physiological changes that may help limit the problems OCD can cause!

Seek out some professional help or if nothing else some good OCD texts, I am personally working through Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) right now, which is a new and promising CB approach that seems quite well tailored to pure-O sufferers.

I notice that you are a resident of Washington, there is a good resource here: [url]http://www.ocdseattle.org/index.htm[/url]

There are support groups that meet in both Seattle and Tacoma that might be good resources for you as well!

Prayers and best wishes to you

10-30-2007, 02:40 PM

Yeah, that's one nasty thing about OCD: Your mind always seems to come up with a reason why the current episode is different from the others, why this time it is really dangerous, etc...

Oh man, that must have been such a relief, finally having a name for the torture you had gone through! It made me very sad to read about how alone you were with those thoughts. That is REALLY sad. I am so glad you are not alone with them anymore. I wish more people would get help earlier. Such long times of suffering that could be prevented...

I love this board too!
Isn't it wonderful to read about people who go through similar things? especially with this pure O thing, and specifically the intrusive thoughts of hurting other people... there has been a lot of discussion on this board about that. And that is one type of OCD that can be really difficult to talk about - and can be relieved just by knowing that it is OCD you are dealing with.

Kathrin

10-30-2007, 06:03 PM

I'm having a hard time right now, too, and your posting reminded me that this is an ongoing "battle" I came home today and told my boyfriend that I was having a "bad head day," which is our code for a bad pure O day. I'm seeing a new p-doc and know that I'll get past this.

Hugs to all.

06-02-2008, 01:49 PM

Hi!

I'm not sure if this message is too old, but I will post just in case!
Your case is just like mine, as far as time etc.
Where do you find support here?

Pure O

Sign Up Today!

Join Our Newsletter

Whoops,

Thank You