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help! im in love with a germaphobe!!!

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Old 01-26-2008, 11:22 AM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: NY, NY, USA
Posts: 3
jayelgee29 HB User
help! im in love with a germaphobe!!!

okay ~ so i have been with my bf for a while now (a few yrs), we live together, and i have a school-age child.

he was never so obsessive about germs and microbes...but over the course of the past 2 yrs his "concerns" and "conciousness" (as he likes to refer to it as) has grown, and to a degree, that i, honestly, am worried.

our social life has suffered, we dont go out to eat as much (hardy ever!) ~ if a person within hearing distance oughs or sneezes he gets visibly ANGRY...not concerned...but ******. I mean, we have left rest.'s because of this. (and then he gets mad at ME for not noticing and/or getting as angry as him!)

i dont cook anymore, because he found all these non-chalant round-about ways to get out of eating food that i had to my "less than aseptic" cooking ways....meanwhile i find that i am an above average sanitary cook (always have been) ~ according to him i leave a whole MEAL on a plate when i wash it....he will spend about 5 minutes washing 1 item...and will do it EVERY time we sit to for a bite. he will rewash ANYthing that i have washed , always.

i have a child in the house....who has allergies, and will get sick from time to time..i cant even begin to describe what this has been like....he expects that i quaratine him on account of "thats what quaratines were thought up for" ~

the list goes on. i dont know what to do!!! i know a lot of ppl's response will be to rid myself of him...but ppl lets face it...there is a list of pros too ~ i am more curious to know what other's who have faced this feel like, and how i can address this....

believe me, this has not been an unaddressed issue, and he knows how i feel ~ but he cant help it....AND he justifies all of it. how do you argue the point that, "yes, you should allow yourself the risk of getting sick" to him, nothing is worth getting sick over.....

im very sad...mad...and confused ~

Last edited by jayelgee29; 01-26-2008 at 11:24 AM.

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Old 01-26-2008, 04:05 PM   #2
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Seven Hills, Ohio
Posts: 481
BadMalibu HB UserBadMalibu HB UserBadMalibu HB UserBadMalibu HB User
Re: help! im in love with a germaphobe!!!

Originally Posted by jayelgee29 View Post
i know a lot of ppl's response will be to rid myself of him..

First of all, welcome to the board. You'll find the support you need here from those of us that understand OCD. I will not tell you that you should rid yourself of your husband because he has OCD, and OCD is treatable with therapy and medications. One issue that I'm sure you've also thought of is your daughter. Children sometimes wind up taking a back seat to their parents problems, but in my mind a child should always come first. Obviously, if your husband's behavior effects your daughter, that's also something that needs to be taken into consideration.

If your husband is willing, this is what he should do. First of all, as far as OCD goes, the most effective treatment right now is cognitive behavioral therapy in conjunction with a light dose of medication. First off your husband should make a trip to your physcian and have some routine blood work done to test his liver, kidney, and thyroid function, as any problems with these organs can sometimes exaggerate the symptoms of OCD. Once your doctor gives you the ok, as him/her to refer you to a cognitive behavioral therapist. A CBT is different than a regular therapist in the fact that they work with people specifically who have anxiety disorders, such as OCD. A CBT will help your husband "re-train" his brain to think in a different way to decrease his symptoms of OCD. You can also check the OC Foundations website, as they have listings of CBTs in all areas of the United States.

If your husband is not already seeing a thearpist, make an appointment with your primary care physcian to get the ball rolling and get into therapy. When choosing a therapist, make sure you ask a few questions before starting therapy like: 1. Do they use exposure therapy? 2. How long have they worked with people who have OCD and anxiety disorders? 3. Do they belong to the Association for Cognitve Therapists? 4. What is their stance on medication treatment for OCD?

It's also important to know that during therapy, if your husband decides to go, that a helper is a critical part of any therapy. Obviously you would be the helper, so it's important that you're active in your husband's treatment. Let us know how you and your husband are doing.

Old 02-03-2008, 07:12 AM   #3
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: louisiana
Posts: 2
kingdork HB User
Re: help! im in love with a germaphobe!!!

he obviously needs exposure therapy...this will help a tons. also, if he admits he has ocd and begins to understand that anxiety is the cause...he will feel a ton better.

as for you...honestly, ocd people are some of the nicest most sensitive and conscientious people to be around. i'll bet he is a super great dad and sweet husband despite his current germ obsession. so, give him a chance to get over his obsessions and i'm sure you'll get your nice guy back.

but, he will have to understand that it is not the germs that are causing his problems, it is the anxiety.

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