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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

ocd/intrusive thoughts ruin my relationships

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Old 08-03-2009, 10:23 AM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3
notamusedone HB User
ocd/intrusive thoughts ruin my relationships

first of all, just knowing someone else out there is dealing with ocd/intrusive thoughts helps so much. When i try and explain to my friends about my thoughts, they don't get it and they look at me like i'm crazy. anyways, everytime i get in a relationship my ocd/intrusive thoughts become very strong. it's different with every relationship but my last one was the worst, and i sabotaged it with my ocd. I had constant thoughts about things that would bring me to tears, questioning my sanity. my ex wasn't understanding of it at all, and I felt ridiculed for having such a condition. despite that, i have now found a new interest, and this girl is perfect but my ocd/intrusive thoughts are already acting up because my mind relapses and knows i'm getting involved in a relationship. this girl is understanding but i don't want to scare her off or sabotage this because this is my best chance at being happy in life. my mind makes me believe things that i know in my heart aren't true. i have already started to believe i don't deserve anyone because my intrusive thoughts make me feel like a horrible person who could never make anyone happy because of the way i think. with this new girl, she makes me so happy but it's like my mind recognizes that i'm happy and it throws in a thought to bring me back down and it stresses me out to the point where my body is completely numb. i want this to work so bad with this girl, but i'm not off to a good start and i don't want to scare her off. has anyone gone through anything like this?

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Old 08-08-2009, 11:02 PM   #2
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 54
black_lab HB User
Re: ocd/intrusive thoughts ruin my relationships

I haven't gone through anything like what you're describing, but I can offer an educated opinion as I too have OCD. This is what I think is going on, based on what you described in your post: You've met a girl, and you'd really like things to work out. But you're trying too hard, and worrying about it too much. Your anxiety increases, as well as your intrusive thoughts. As a result, your OCD seems to be making life miserable, and influencing you to question yourself and what you're doing.

Here's what I can offer you based on my experience with life and OCD: First of all, do not feel ridiculed just because you have OCD. As you can see, there are unfortunately quite a few people dealing with this illness. Secondly, I don't agree with you when you state that this girl represents the best shot you have at happiness. In my opinion, you have to be happy with yourself before you can build a solid relationship with someone else. That being said, if you feel that this girl can and is willing to help you deal with OCD, then I think that would be a wonderful option. Thirdly, by managing and working to overcome my OCD, I've realized that I'm not necessarily my mind. If it shoots off a BS thought my way, I'll simply ignore it. I do my best not to let my OCD influence me in any way, shape or form. You are not your OCD. Do not let it bring you down.

I'd like to recommend a book to you:
"Brain Lock: Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior", Jeffrey M. Schwartz, M.D. with Beverly Beyette.

Take care, and all the best to you.

Old 08-09-2009, 04:04 PM   #3
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1
Jgirl2209 HB User
Smile Re: ocd/intrusive thoughts ruin my relationships

Do not worry. You are definitely not alone as I have OCD and suffered in the past from this, too, when I entered relationships. The OCD would bring up things (thoughts or images) that I would never want to have in my head, nor imagine! It did make it hard for me to concentrate, but I dont think I ever told any love interest at the time was only 17 when it started. It made it harder, the worry, and trying to get the OCD thoughts out of my head. But the OCD has never ruined a rltnship for me, I'm now 22 and my husband understands. Don't let it get the best of you please!

OCD seems to have a tendency to know when you are feeling happy and then tries to do its damage to bring you down.

Have you tried seeing a psychologist for cognitive behavior therapy and/or a psychiatrist (for medications if you are interested), as your brain chemicals are most likely off and meds can help this.

Do not feels bad as OCD is NOT you, and the feelings you feel are the "OCD monster," they are not your feelings, it helps to know this.

Are you very stressed?-- because it tends to flare up in times of stress, most likely your new relationship. Once you know this woman very well, you should be able to tell her about the anxiety disorder you have, if you want to. I'm not sure how old you are, but if you are young the woman may not be old enough to understand these disorders. It is hard to tell without all of the information.

OCD can be a rollercoaster at times. But, you will definitely feel better soon, but remember to try to get a hold of it soon so it doesn't get more severe.

I am now married, and I do not get obsessions when it comes to my relationship, but I stille have other OCD problems. My husband understands my OCD and helps me when I have relapses. What kinds of obsessions and/or compulsions do you have?-If you tell me I may be able to help more.

Just remember it is not you and you can fight it. Try not to overanalyze the thoughts and worry about why the thought came up, it is NOT your thought. I know this is easier said than done. But pls e-mail me back if you would like more help.

Take care and God Bless

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Old 02-09-2010, 01:39 PM   #4
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 3
mg3marie HB User
Re: ocd/intrusive thoughts ruin my relationships

I just hate that I have ocd & bipolar!! it has ruined everything in me. my marriage of almost 5 yrs. is coming to an end my husband says he cant deal with my ocd. Now this has triggered my ocd even more. Im just so stressed & upset. how do i make him understand that its not me talking its my ocd? how do i make him ubderstand what ocd is?

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