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    Old 02-16-2010, 10:40 PM   #1
    digmusic
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    obsessed with boyfriend leaving/cheating

    I'm obsessed with my boyfriend cheating on me or leaving me, especially leaving me for another girl. He did like this one girl for awhile and I asked him at the beginning of our relationship repetitive questions like "do you want her more than me" etc. and one time he said "not really." The only other actual thing that has happened is that one time we had tentative plans to hang out and he ended up hanging out with a group of his friends instead and she was there. He says it's just cause he was annoyed with me for other reasons and has apologized many times, but I refuse to believe him. This was a couple months ago. We've been together for five months now. He never talks to her, usually when he sees her I'm there too. He spends a ton of time with me and is very kind to me and gives me no reason to think he would ever cheat on me or even leave me. I am just totally obsessed.

    I am not really allowed to ask him questions anymore because he's made it very clear that he won't put up with it anymore and I just have to let it go and trust him, and my therapist has made me sign a contract as well that I'll stop bringing it up to him. So everything seems fine but I still am obsessing just as much on the inside. I'm sure everyone in my life is sick of hearing about it since it doesn't seem like a real problem, but I'm really suffering. I think of this girl for hours a day. If anyone really knew how much I really think of her, well... it's disturbing. I basically forced him to admit that he thought she was prettier than me, and I used to bring that up all the time to him even though I asked him maybe 20 times until he just admitted it. He isn't a shallow person and I know it's not the most important thing to him, but it still bothers me and I think about it constantly (I'm not a shallow person either so I don't know why this whole things eats at me the way it does.) I started taking Celexa 20 mg a few weeks ago for my obsessive thoughts with no results.

    Does anyone else have OCD that materializes this way? Everything I read about OCD, or ROCD, is a fear that the person with OCD doesn't love the OTHER person, their partner, that they aren't the one for them. In my case, I'm obsessed with my boyfriend not thinking I'm good enough or secretly wanting someone else more. It's really hard when there's little inklings of truth in there so I'm not completely making it up out of the blue. I don't know what's real anymore. I just know that I'm really suffering and I need help and no one in my life right now can really help me and the med's not working! does anyone else have ocd in this way? What do you do?

     
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    Old 02-19-2010, 05:01 PM   #2
    Getouttamyhead
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    Re: obsessed with boyfriend leaving/cheating

    Yes hun..I know exactly what you are talking about. I just made my first post a few minutes ago, and it mentions this a little. Well I was cheated alittle less than a year ago...and like maybe most people I thought about it over and over again. Yet..it lasted a really long time..and I still have days where I spend soooo much time focusing on just that. I picture everything and then it leads to other girls he's been with and I just get stuck on it..I can't concentrate on anything else, and like you said it could lead to hours. It's absolutely horrible. Well..it just led me to have food problems where I obsess about how something tastes..or I'd obsess about something else...it sucks, cause I'll tell myself to stop doing the food thing, but then one of the "instances" with my bf and another girl replays in my head...or I'll get myself to stop that and I'll obsess over a certain food in my head I have to get or "it won't go away". It is really hard..and while we are together again, I have brought it up many times, and like you, they after a while just don't want to hear it..so whether I am telling him or not, it is inside of me.

    Honestly I will tell you the only thing I know of so far and I struggle with everyday with the bf and certain food taste thoughts that will overcome it...is to refuse to think about it. Or almost picture the thought just floating in your head..don't try to force it out..that is just paying more attention to it, and if your like me, it only makes the thought get worse and more obsessive.


    Hope some of this helps...let me know if you understand what I'm saying! I just want you to know your not alone..to be honest I thought maybe I was alone in this bf/thinking of another girl thing too! Hang in there!

    Last edited by Getouttamyhead; 02-19-2010 at 05:02 PM.

     
    Old 07-21-2010, 09:15 PM   #3
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    Re: obsessed with boyfriend leaving/cheating

    I totally get it. I am the exact same way. Me and my boyfriend are so in love, I know he would never do anything... but I just always am thinking like he thinks other girls are hot and sexy. I think it's grose thinking of kissing or anything with another guy, but he says it's not.... he just keeps repeating that he'll never do it. He is absolutely amazing, but for some reason the vision of him cheating on me is always in my head and I worry so much. I get what you are going through, hang in there.

     
    Old 10-14-2010, 11:29 AM   #4
    Mmaldon
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    Re: obsessed with boyfriend leaving/cheating

    Sweetie:

    I have the same problem. But just so you know, I believe that there are certain things that have helped me and I wanted to share them with you.

    First of all I know these thoughts are in your head 90% of the time if not a 120%. I know...been there done that. I have been so inmersed in my thoughts that I wouldn't realize what was happening around me, lost track of conversations in parties or reunions and I even lost a job because I would leave to check on my bf's roundabouts.

    Your friends and family can only help you by listening but only you can decide what to do about this and this is exactly what I am doing right now.

    I started researching why I was doing this to myself... When I let the ideas and thoughts of him cheating flow in my brain, I became anxious, nervous, forgetful, angry and sad. If I was driving sometimes I got lost. After a while, I decided I was tired to feel this way. I could cause an accident and hurt others on the way, and being so anxius and nervous made me look like I was on drugs or loosing my mind. I realized that i had to become a little self centered to deal with this. I forced myself to understand that I could do something about it and that I am an intelligent, funny and beautiful woman and I will not be defeated by a mere thought. I went as far as embracing my crazy ideas, my dorky side and my urge to lay on the grass after a rainy night. (of couse in my patio

    I love music. Whenever I start to think that my BF is cheating, I take a deep breath, play some music and sing along. When I am with him and I get the thoughts, I immediately think of a song I like and sing and If we are in the car I search for a radio station that plays the music I like and just listen for a moment.

    When he is working, I battle the urge of calling him by telling myself, I'll call him in five minutes and when the five minutes pass I tell mysef the same thing again. I tell myself: "I am in control". In between, I take luxurious baths, clean the house, research beauty tips, read a book, look for recipes that might later serve for a surprise dinner, try make up tricks, do it yourself mani/pedi's, plant seeds and like I am doing now, extend a helping hand. These things will help you feel better inside out. Right now when he calls he is the one asking me...Why are you so happy?

    When we are at a party or simply out, definitely I won't start singing out loud. Just imagine if I get too caught in my singing and even perform an air guittar solo. In this case I imagine how ridiculous and crazy I will look if I explode with a tantrum because he looked a pretty girl. This will not only embarrass him or his friends. It will definitelly change the perseption of the people around you about you. Instead of giving him the rocks to hurt me deeper, I do not ask something but make a statement like: I love that dress on her, she looks gourgeus. (You have to practice this one, you don't want it to come out with a sarcastic tone).

    Another thing that we have to understand is that men loose respect for a woman that is insecure about herself. Think about this for a moment every day and make a commitment to respect yourself. Take a deep tour into yourself. Find things that you have done or happened that make you laugh...it could be the face that you imagine you had while tripping on the sidewalk or a goofy dance...whatever made you laugh and all the good things you are, store it in a compartment in your brain. pull them out like you pull out old pictures whenever you start to feel anxious.

    These are only a few of the things that had made feel better and i hope it helps you as it did to me. Remember, you deserve to be happy and your friends, therapist and family can only do so much. The desition is yours and you are in control! Take care and many blessings. Michelle

     
    Old 10-14-2010, 04:18 PM   #5
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    Re: obsessed with boyfriend leaving/cheating

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Mmaldon View Post
    Sweetie:

    I have the same problem. But just so you know, I believe that there are certain things that have helped me and I wanted to share them with you.

    First of all I know these thoughts are in your head 90% of the time if not a 120%. I know...been there done that. I have been so inmersed in my thoughts that I wouldn't realize what was happening around me, lost track of conversations in parties or reunions and I even lost a job because I would leave to check on my bf's roundabouts.

    Your friends and family can only help you by listening but only you can decide what to do about this and this is exactly what I am doing right now.

    I started researching why I was doing this to myself... When I let the ideas and thoughts of him cheating flow in my brain, I became anxious, nervous, forgetful, angry and sad. If I was driving sometimes I got lost. After a while, I decided I was tired to feel this way. I could cause an accident and hurt others on the way, and being so anxius and nervous made me look like I was on drugs or loosing my mind. I realized that i had to become a little self centered to deal with this. I forced myself to understand that I could do something about it and that I am an intelligent, funny and beautiful woman and I will not be defeated by a mere thought. I went as far as embracing my crazy ideas, my dorky side and my urge to lay on the grass after a rainy night. (of couse in my patio

    I love music. Whenever I start to think that my BF is cheating, I take a deep breath, play some music and sing along. When I am with him and I get the thoughts, I immediately think of a song I like and sing and If we are in the car I search for a radio station that plays the music I like and just listen for a moment.

    When he is working, I battle the urge of calling him by telling myself, I'll call him in five minutes and when the five minutes pass I tell mysef the same thing again. I tell myself: "I am in control". In between, I take luxurious baths, clean the house, research beauty tips, read a book, look for recipes that might later serve for a surprise dinner, try make up tricks, do it yourself mani/pedi's, plant seeds and like I am doing now, extend a helping hand. These things will help you feel better inside out. Right now when he calls he is the one asking me...Why are you so happy?

    When we are at a party or simply out, definitely I won't start singing out loud. Just imagine if I get too caught in my singing and even perform an air guittar solo. In this case I imagine how ridiculous and crazy I will look if I explode with a tantrum because he looked a pretty girl. This will not only embarrass him or his friends. It will definitelly change the perseption of the people around you about you. Instead of giving him the rocks to hurt me deeper, I do not ask something but make a statement like: I love that dress on her, she looks gourgeus. (You have to practice this one, you don't want it to come out with a sarcastic tone).

    Another thing that we have to understand is that men loose respect for a woman that is insecure about herself. Think about this for a moment every day and make a commitment to respect yourself. Take a deep tour into yourself. Find things that you have done or happened that make you laugh...it could be the face that you imagine you had while tripping on the sidewalk or a goofy dance...whatever made you laugh and all the good things you are, store it in a compartment in your brain. pull them out like you pull out old pictures whenever you start to feel anxious.

    These are only a few of the things that had made feel better and i hope it helps you as it did to me. Remember, you deserve to be happy and your friends, therapist and family can only do so much. The desition is yours and you are in control! Take care and many blessings. Michelle
    Hi Michelle,

    I'm not the original poster but I really appreciate your words. I can't stay home alone with nothing to do and it helps me to push myself beyond my comfort zone to feel better. Lately I've had a lot of stress and I feel like I'm digressing; I've been dealing with this for so long. I thought I was just immature and insecure. At least thats what people always told me. I'm not glad that its ocd but I'm glad that I'm just not immature and insecure; I hate that label. I'm going to take a class I've been wanting to take and I want to have fun.

     
    Old 10-22-2010, 10:07 AM   #6
    Mmaldon
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    Re: obsessed with boyfriend leaving/cheating

    Have fun you deserve it! I lost my job and been struggling for the past 7 months to find one. When I get anxious I feel trapped, that's why I try to do all the things I mentioned before. I am glad, very glad of your strengh. Keep it up and don"t forget to smile! XOXO

     
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