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  • Jealousy...Selfishness...Depression???



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    Old 08-03-2002, 11:44 PM   #16
    Say Heather
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    Wow, reading your post was literally a slap in the face for me. I always grill my girlfriends and family and what not if anything happened relating to me in anyway. I know it aggravates my friends and I always wondered to myself why I do it and how come I can't just be calm and fine with what they tell me. I need to know every little detail of every converstation in the exact order it was said. I NEVER even thought to think it was linked to my ocd. Knowing it's because of my ocd is such relief to me!! I can't help that I do it and the fact that I can't on my own stop doing it is nice to know. Now I don't feel like such a failure.

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    Old 08-05-2002, 07:11 PM   #17
    LittleFlower18
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    I'm so sorry that you're having so much trouble with this. It does sound like OCD with paranoia. I have it and I can somewhat relate to you. I find myself having those obsessing thoughts when I see a pretty woman on the television, too. My worst rival, which I have never met, is Brittany Spears. [edited] Anyway, I just know that my bf thinks she's sexy. I've caught him looking for nude pics of her on the internet before. So as you can imagine that is one thing that I will never forget and I forbid, absolutely FORBID him to watch anything that shows her, talks about her or even makes you think of her. But, I've learned to handle all of the others. I admit, I am a very jealous person when it comes to someone that we know personally. But as for everyone EXCEPT B.S. who he sees on tv, I've learned to ignore. Or I will tease him about her to make myself feel better. I've learned to look at this in a whole different way. My new perspective is that they are on t.v. and there is probably no chance in hell that he will ever come in contact with her(if I have anything to say about it) and so I should just let him look. It's his little dream. But if I ever learn that he thinks of Britney, I will be hell on wheels. Anyway, maybe you should try to look at it too. Or start slowly.

    Try this. For one week, drop one game of 20 questions per day. Like, when you feel an obsessive thought come on, do something to take your mind off of it. Grab some paper and write it down. Write down what set it off, how it feels, what you want to ask him, why you want to ask him that and so on. Do this for one week. When you go to see your therapist take your papers with you and let him/her read them. It may make it easier to determine the things that set you off. Then you could work on things to control it.

    I hope things get a little smoother for you. I know it's a hard road but you've admitted that it's a problem and you know something has to be done. That's a huge step.

    I wish you the best and I hope I could help a little.

    ------------------
    God Bless,
    Cheyenne

    [ ~~ Edited to remove a defamatory reference.~~ Minerva ]

    [This message has been edited by minerva (edited 08-06-2002).]
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    Old 08-08-2002, 02:30 PM   #18
    Eve-E
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    Thanks for the advice. I'm still going through the horror. The reason I haven't seen the doc yet is b/c I don't have insurance right now.

    As for people on T.V. I'm not concerned that he will probably never meet any of those people, it comes down to the THOUGHT of him even lusting for any female in any kind of way.

    I'm fortunate that in all reality he is not that kind of person. He is a 110% dedicated and faithful person in mentally, physically, and spiritually. Everyone who knows him closely says the same thing :you got yourself one unique, true blue man"

    Now, some are saying, "if that's the case & you know that why do you have problems then. It's because when thouhts arise in my head I CANNOT help but to think all the crazy stuff. It's like I'm a totally different person who becomes angry, depressed, and helpless.

    Good thing is more & more he is able to help me through it & be EXTREMELY tolerant and understanding.

    He does tell me though that I do need to see the doc b/c all him & I are doing is "putting a band-aid on the issue"

     
    Old 08-13-2002, 07:20 PM   #19
    MelNor
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    Hi Eve-E,

    Just wondering how you were doing. I too have similar thoughts but didn't realize it was a huge problem until reading your post! I am not quite as bad, and I must add the word "YET"
    It has made me begin to think about this problem because you mentioned that you weren't always this bad. Did it start out milder, then progress to this?? If so, when did it get worse?

    I can relate to the nudity in movie thing and another biggie for me is the "thought" that hubby might go to a strip club or anything of that nature! God, it is hard to live with!

    You are in my thoughts, please keep us up to date with whats going on!

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    Old 08-13-2002, 08:54 PM   #20
    Eve-E
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    Hi MelNor,
    As of right now I'm calm but as always the last few days were horrible! My fiance received a call from MY cousin to help him with construction on a studio. He told me it should take a few hours which has turned into him taking 3 trips down to that location.

    In reality, when someone asks for his help, he is going to say YES and always goes over & beyond what is asked of him. Anyway, to make a long story short, I grilled him with 50 questions, called him all kinds of names, and made him feel horribl;e. He said to me "thanks, this is what I get for helping your family" He also said "I realize that you have certain issues and that you are just letting out anger right now & don't mean what you are saying so I'm not going to get upset at you...let's talk about what you are mad at right now so we can get over it & you can feel better"

    I'll tell you, if it wasn't for his support who knows where I'd be right now. Actually, in a strange way I think it's his true support that has allowed me get so bad.

    What I mean is this...I had similar problems starting back when I was 13 & yes, they were very mild back then. It started off with me just getting a little jealous. Now, when I was 15 & dated a guy who I was more intimiate with, there was more jealousy but not as bad. I use to get jealous if he mentioned another female being pretty but I wouldn't freak out.

    Now, when I was 16 I goty into what I consider a serious relationship with a guy who was 23 at the time. That relationship lasted 5 years and it started out with me being jealous at the mention of other females, to me not wanting him to watch videos or go out with his friends. That was pretty much it.

    So why do I say my fiance is indirectly responsible for me getting worst? In reality it's b/c he pampers me a lot. In my last relationship although I wanted certain things to be a certain way, I never made certain demands b/c in my heart I knew my ex would never go for it.

    With my fiance, it started off with me telling him not to mention another female being pretty (he never did or gave me a reason to tell him this but I wanted him to know upfront) Then, it progressed to me wanting him to turn his head if a scene of nudity came on the screen. That progressed to me wanting him to scan all movies and not watch any that has nudity at all. Other serious issues include him not visiting his family often or going out with any friends at all which he never did anyway.

    All in all, things have gotten to this point b/c my fiance has given in to all of my demands and we both are aware of this.

    Have you ever heard of Seroctin? I'm going to order it this week & try it until I'm able to see a doc. I've heard amazing stories on how it has helped people who had great anxiety. It's suppose to raise the levels of serotonin in the brain and in turn help you become more emotionally stable. I'll see what happens.

    Thanks for all of the support!!

    Ps. I had OCD ever since I was a little girl I'm told. Up until the age of 12, I use to be VERY "obsessed" with my mother. I didn't want her to go out with friends, family, or do anything. I would feel that she loved those people more & wanted to be with them more than me. I would stress myself wondering if she was going to go out and try to listen in on some of her calls to make sure she wasn't going anywhere. I did this up to 12 & it caused her to feel really sad at times. After I "got over it" and started becoming interested in "dating" guys, I transferred the
    obsession I had with my mother on to my 1st boyfriend, then to the next new guy, & the next.


     
    Old 09-03-2002, 10:08 AM   #21
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    Eve-E,
    All I can realy say is that I've learned alo from this post of yours.I am just like you!!!!!
    You must do somthing about this before it turns in to an Anxiety/Panic disorder!
    I have this now because of thinking like that ,and I wish I had never been so stupid.
    One day I was sitting thinking the exact same things as you do.All of a sudden I felt dizzy and my vision went blurry. I have not been the same since !! I am now constanly feeling sick to my stomach am dizzy have palpitations and tremmors!!!!
    "SO PLEASE DON"T LET IT GET THIS BAD AND TURN INTO SYMTOMS"!!!!
    But know that you are not alone on this one! Spungy

     
    Old 09-25-2002, 02:00 PM   #22
    sweetindygirl4u
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    Eve-E just reading of your stories. Been a while since you posted under this subject jsut wondering how things are? If you have not gone to the doctor, check into it requardless, of insurance 99% of places will let you make a payment plan even if it's 5$ a month ( i work in the health field) and reguarding medicine for Anxiety/depression/OCD etc... always give it a good 30 days to see real results!! Side affect usually go away after that. I am on Zoloft and it works WONDERS! But You HAVE to get to a therapist and I think not only single sessions you should get some with you fiance there too!! There is no rationalization to your thoughts no reasoning I know this I have been there. But I promise with the right kind of meds and therapy it gets sooo mcuh better you jsut have to stay with it and realize it takes along time!! Best of luck to you

     
    Old 09-25-2002, 10:26 PM   #23
    newdawn
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    Wow,
    I have had ocd since I was 22 I am now 32 I get very upset when I am dating someone and they comment on another woman I compare myself to my mother my sister and yes even women on tv..I have a problem with rejection and as far as being abused emotionally and mentally its awful I am on meds and have been for some time sometimes I feel like a stalker I can't handle it when someone ignores me I will write them and call them and drive them crazy I had this problem with my ex who is not good for me no guy ever has been healthy for me he decided he didn't want to have anything to do with me and I took it really hard I wanted to commit suicide I know this can't be normal sweetie I feel for you..please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.. anyway I still have thoughts of why won't he talk to me? he says he has moved on but no he didn't tell me this he told my girlfriend and my other so called friend.. I feel so crazy sometimes well this is my story and if anyone does this let me know.
    hang in there girl..
    may god be with you,Dawn

     
    Old 10-01-2002, 05:42 PM   #24
    Eve-E
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    I'm STILL going through the stress and drama but I feel like I've gotten 20X worst. At this point, it's REALLY taken over my life. I'm in a CONSTANT state of anxiety. At this point, after waiting for my fiance to get home each day & asking him 100 questions, I actually try to think of additional questions that just don't make sense.

    It's draining me like crazy & causing me to be irritated & "shaky" all day long. I get knots in my stomach. Everything I use to like to do...watch t.v, go out to social events, etc.. doesn't exist no more b/c I'm constantly worried about something pertaining to a female coming into play.

    Example, there is a singer that I feel my fiance may find pretty but he doesn't have a clue who she is, has never seen her & probably could care less. Yet, I've been trying to figure out a way to get him to see who she is just so I can ask him if he thinks she is exotic looking or really pretty. It's killing me at this point. It's taking away time from my kids & just causing me to be a very irrational person who does nothing but worry, worry, worry.

    I haven't gone to the doctor yet...mental laziness I guess. Although I actually major in psychology, I don't think "talking therapy" is going to be of any real help...maybe some. There is nothing I feel someone can tell me to help change my mindset as people have tried & it just doesn't work. My fiance for one has said & done everything in his power to convince me that I'm the love of his life & that he doesn't care about any other female out there.

    He says, in his eyes I'm the most beautiful woman in the world & that is the attitude he carries with him each & everyday...that there is no one out there better than his woman.

    This sounds great & I believe it to a certain extent. I say certain extent b/c I still torture him everyday with my questions, suspicions, & irrational frustrations.

    Everyday he is pleading with me to go to the doc & is very willing to go with me.

    HONESTLY, does anyone with experience truly feel that medication will help me feel A LOT better? Will I really be able to live a "normal" life without worrying about every female out there & constantly feeling anxious about the subject? Honestly, do you think I will one day be able to live life without all of this mental frustration.

    Please be real with me...I don't want anyone to tell me that I will when there is a high chance that I won't just to keep me semi-motivated.

    I want SO bad for this mental stress to just be over.

     
    Old 10-04-2002, 10:58 PM   #25
    Work4AdoctorGirl
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    A honest answer YES medicine Will help you just need to give it enough time!! BUT get to a doctor ASAP!! In all total reality you have limited time your fiance will not put up with this forever, the longer you put it off the closer he gets to either giving in to your worst fears or leaving. This is UTTER and TOTAL honesty. I HAD THE EXACT SAME problem for years your story sounds like mine... and NOT SAYING this will happen to everyone but in the end my obsession and fears drove him away, MEN are only human and YES they ALL look at women it CANNOT be helped but there is nothing wrong with it. I learned it the hard way!! If you TRULY love him get help it is not fair to you and it is NOT fair to him to have to live this way. the problem is still solvable!! THe longer you put off going to the doctor the worse it will get no excuses even if you have no money ALL medical services will work out a paymetn plan or go on medicaid there is no excuse not to go!! I am begging you from my own mistakes PLEASE get help!!! Focus on it NOT about what he's doing or thinking itdoesnt matter!!! It is your mind playing tricks on you. take care hun!!!!!!!!

    [ ~~ Work4AdoctorGirl, it is not permissable to request personal contact, or to post personal contact details. ~~ Thanks, Minerva ]

    [This message has been edited by minerva (edited 10-05-2002).]
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    Old 10-05-2002, 04:56 PM   #26
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    I know what you mean girl,
    I have lost quite a few men due to obsessive behavior Its more of not letting go I hate to be ignored so I will write them over and over until I get my answers and sometimes I don't even get those just treated worse hang in there eve it will get better.. I am living proof.... and so are you doc...
    Renee

     
    Old 10-06-2002, 03:39 PM   #27
    Eve-E
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    I'm tired.

     
    Old 03-18-2008, 12:33 AM   #28
    aperson123
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    Re: Jealousy...Selfishness...Depression???

    I know this thread is seriously old, and I wanted to send a personal message to you Eve, but I could not find an option for it in your profile. You probably won't read this, but I just wanted to say something.

    It is *so* wonderful to find someone out there that has the problem I do. I have extreme, extreme, extreme jealousy. I too was also diagnosed with OCD. I have met a lot of people in the past who claimed to be jealous, but when they described their jealousy, it was like...wow, "I wish my jealousy was like THAT." But you actually understand me.

    In some ways it is different. I don't freak out if he leaves the house for awhile to work or go and fix something somewhere, but my specialty is constantly saying things like, "Do you think she's hot?" about every girl on tv or we see outside. I also love to harp on his past, but I don't dig too deep because I'm scared to death. But I am constantly finding myself in severe bouts of depression thinking about his past. I also am terrified of the thought of him being friends with girls, or even talking to a girl, or glancing at one. Sometimes he tries to do this "reality check" where he tells me that some girl is pretty to try to desensitize me to it. Actually, that's been my idea too. Last time he tried that I ended up crying hysterically for hours and physically hurting myself. The pain when I get like that is so severe; I feel like a gigantic, ugly piece of garbage and completely worthless. I can't even get out of bed or move when I get in that mood. My body just shuts down.

    I spend hours every day comparing myself to other girls. I obsess over celebrities. When we first starting going out he mentioned something about a female celebrity. He didn't even call her attractive, but now I cannot stop thinking about that celebrity. I have nightmares about her and I literally just feel haunted by her. My biggest fear is him getting turned on by another girl. My friend suggested desensitization my sitting with him and having him look at pictures I feel uncomfortable with until the panic subsides. However, it is a huge phobia for me and honestly, death sounds more appealing. That's how scared I am. I trust my husband a lot and the LOGICAL part of my mind knows that he's not going to cheat on me or hurt me, but I have this psychotic obsessive side of my mind that just overruns me. I feel like just living is just a constant struggle sometimes. I would do anything to get rid of this.

    My history? I had an emotionally abusive father who cheated on my mom when I was 11, and they got divorced. He lives close to me but he never tries to contact me or anything. He has anti-social personality disorder (sociopath). I have been taking Lexapro and then Celexa for over a year. Honestly, it has not helped with my jealousy. However, I used to have hypochondriasis and the anti-depressants made that go away for the most part. I hope I can find something that works. I used to see a therapist, but can't afford it anymore. I have Klonopin and Xanax for emergencies, and I take them when I'm feeling an emotional breakdown.

    I understand how you feel, truly. And I hope things have gotten better

     
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