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okck 08-05-2010 06:32 AM

responsibility ocd
Can anyone relate. My symptoms come and go. When I have them they are unbearable. I have to constantly check that everything in the house is safe, I am so worried that if I don't think of every possible problem that the house will burn down or blow up or someone in my family will be hurt or sick because of my mistake. I don't worry about me, just everyone else. The past two months it has been non-stop. I can not shut my mind down. It jumps from one issue to another, like a broken car alarm ringing all the time. I can feel my brain searching for something to worry about and check. I think of the worst possible outcome of something I may have missed and worry about it as if it happening and end up vomiting from the fear. I just started on Luvox and Klonopin and will start CBT in a few weeks. Please, is there hope for me? I am making everyone around me crazy. I can not keep feeling like this. Thanks for any input.

Ms_T 08-05-2010 07:06 AM

Re: responsibility ocd
I know exactly how you feel. I am an ocd checker. I have to check the hot water heater every night to make sure it isn't leaking gas, I have to check the carbon monoxide detector every night to make sure no carbon minoxide has registered that day. I check every window and under every bed. It is exhausting. Atleast I only do it once for the most part and it only takes a few minutes but it would be nice if someone else would do it sometimes. Because I check so much, my husband doesn't worry because he knows I have handled it. My worst checking though is did I take my meds, did the pill fall out of my hand or out of my mouth and I didn't realize it, so then I have to check the floor. That one is pretty bad, but right now the worst has been checking my blood pressure. I don't have high blood pressure but had a few high readings at the doctor which has led to two years of obsessive checking. My therapist finally said I need to stop, spoke to my doctor and both of them told me no more than once a month. Well, it has been five days and my anxiety is rising because I want to check and I have never gone longer than a week in the last two years. My goal is to go a month but it is hard. I guess the best advice is to know it will be fine, nothing will happen it is just anxiety thoughts and you aren't alone.

okck 08-05-2010 07:26 AM

Re: responsibility ocd
Yes exhausting is the right word. We have a lot in common. I try to tell myself it is all in my head and every time I have a worrisome thought it turns out fine. Logically I know that but just the chance is terrifying. I read recently, "don't believe everything you think" I try to remember that but the ocd is stronger then me. I really hope the new meds help.

Ms_T 08-05-2010 09:09 AM

Re: responsibility ocd
I don't think the ocd is really stronger than either one of us. We just think it is but if you sit through the peak of the anxiety is does come down. I know my problem is I react to the ocd thoughts and anxiety that comes with it immediately because it is uncomfortable which gives it power. I have found though it isn't easy, if I wait out the peak and try to do something objective like read or go for a walk it passes. It is so hard though, last week was really tough and I know this next week will be tough because I am not going to check my blood pressure. I know that if i give in and check I won't get past it so I have to go through it to get to the other huh?

okck 08-05-2010 09:44 AM

Re: responsibility ocd
Sucks big time! I know the need for relief is so intense, that is what causes me to check or ask for reassurance. I know its driving everyone crazy but I am desperate to relieve the anxiety. The problem is that as soon as one thought is relieved there is another one to take its place and I start all over again. It is comforting to know there are people out there who can relate. I would not wish this way of life on my worst enemy.

okck 08-06-2010 05:02 AM

Re: responsibility ocd
And please can someone tell me will the Luvox I started on really help. I need hope.

sska 08-06-2010 06:44 AM

Re: responsibility ocd
I relate to your feelings of responsibility. I feel like my children are totally my responsibility. My husband is more laid-back than I am and I worry about them constantly, because I feel like it's my job. This winter I was holding my little girl and literally walked in front of a car that was going by at high speed. If my husband hadn't yelled my name and caused me to jump back in panic, she and I might have died. It was fine, but the guilt of possibly putting her life in danger tortured me for days. If I had caused her death, I literally don't think I could have lived with myself.

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