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-   -   Do you think it's possible that I have OCD? (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/76771-do-you-think-its-possible-i-have-ocd.html)

Arlecchina 11-20-2003 06:27 AM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Honey, you sound like me....think of it this way, if you are obsessing over the idea you MAY have ocd, and it causes you distress, and you have a compulsion to seek reassurance, and you think of it over and over, making lists....what do you think that means?
You said your parents said you could ask your regular doctor. Go to NIMH and print out their OCD test, fill it out, add what else you want your doctor to know, and give it to him when you go.
much luck, dear, I know what you're going through. At 13 myself, I was pretty bad off but had NO idea what was wrong with me. Just thought I was crazy, thinking, I dont wash my hands a hundred times a day, which is ALL I knew about OCD. (this is all almost anyone knows, when I told my son's father recently he says, well yeah, I know you obsess and do stuff, but it's not OCD cause you dont wash your hands all the time...)
You're lucky to realize it now and try to help yourself.

MrsLee 11-21-2003 09:27 AM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
HI Daniela,

I understand that you are afraid you may be wrong about having OCD, and how you would feel if everyone knew you thought you had it and were wrong. But obviously, you are experiencing a lot of distress over this. Even if you don't have OCD, you have been smart enough to realize SOMETHING is wrong. And whatever it is, you need to get some help in figuring out what to do about it. Also, even if you were "wrong," everyone wouldn't know. Only your parents, or anyone else you choose to tell. Even if you did talk to a teacher, you don't have to tell him/her what your diagnosis is. That's personal business.

Have you considered writing a letter? As I said before, you are very articulate and seem to be able to express yourself with words very well.

Also, maybe you could try talking to just one of your parents, instead of both at the same time. Pick whichever one you are most comfortable with, and try to initiate the conversation sometime when they don't have a lot of other things on their mind. If you try to do it once they've gotten home from work, they are probably too busy thinking about work that day to give you their full attention. And if you try and talk to them before they go to bed, they are probably very tired and just want to get to sleep. Could you catch your mom or dad on weekend. Maybe go out to lunch or shopping with one of them. In a situation like this, they may be more willing to listen.

I hope this helps. Good luck sweety!

gogocrazy 12-04-2003 05:03 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Hey!

Thanks for the replies. They have helped a lot, as usual.

Lately I've found my "OCD" (in quotations because I haven't been diagnosed, so I may be wrong) is getting worse. I still think about washing my face, brushing my hair, brushing my teeth, etc. in the same order, but remember how I said I was swallowing and stretching out my fingers to make it feel "right"? I've been doing that a lot more lately, and it's really bothering me. It doesn't feel "right" unless I stimulate my gag reflex (occasionally I puke), and I always cough a lot. I have to do this while I'm reading (I still read one sentence over and over again that I understand perfectly, then go to the previous paragraph, and reading takes me forever), before I go through the bathroom door at night (I stand in front of the door, say the date, say any birthdays, and say how my friendships are). I always end up doing this a number of times, and I always have to stimulate my gag reflex. In my L.A. class I'm currently watching a video of a play that Shakespeare wrote, and at the beginning of the movie when I hear a word (it isn't a particular word, first class it was Orisino, second class it was parenthood, and today it was minks) I have to "type" it the whole class (where a keyboard would be if it was in front of my fingers). First I do it 5 times, then another 5 times, and this goes on for an hour, and I can't stop. It's really causing me a lot of distress.

I was wondering, before when I would ask myself why I do these rituals, I would say in case a burglar comes. However, now I say "If I don't do it, I don't have OCD." It's not that I want OCD, it's just that I'm terrified of being wrong (as I previously mentioned). Since my obsession isn't about burgulary, fire, flood, or anything of that sort, could it still be classified as an OCD obsession that would drive me to perform these rituals?

I think that I finally have enough courage to tell somebody. Well, I've told my close friend, and she really takes me seriously and she told me that I had to see somebody. I had another appointment today and I was thinking of telling the doctor there, but she was a specialist for teenagers so she wouldn't know much and my parents would probably get mad for not telling my family doctor or telling them straight on first. Instead, I mentioned it to my mom that I wanted to see the family doctor to find out if what I do is normal again, but she just laughed it off. I've decided that next time the doctor comes over (he comes to our house, so that would make it even easier to show him the NIMH screening test) I'm going to try to talk to him. If I'm right, then I'll hopefully get help. If I'm wrong, I'll have a lot of mixed feelings, but I've gained an immense amount of respect for people who have OCD. Besides, I really think that something is wrong, and it's definitely really bothering me. If that doesn't work (if he doesn't listen, or if my parents tell me to stop wasting his time), I'm probably going to tell my homeroom teacher. She asks me if I want to talk every Thursday because she's supposed to talk to me about how I like my class (the school split me up from all of my friends this year, so I've made one friend in my class, but the other girls give me the impression that they think they're better than me, and with 12 kids in a class it's hard to have many options) so I could easily tell her then. Also, if I don't feel comfortable telling my homeroom teacher or another one, I'm going to try to make an appointment with a doctor in the mall if I don't need parental consent (my friend recommended this and she said that she'd go with me). If I can't, I can always talk to one of my friends' parents who are doctors (this friend's mom is a doctor and both of my best friend's parents are). Thanks for all of the support. I'm going to really try to follow through with what I've said here.

Basically, I guess the point of this was to ask you if always stimulating your gag reflex by swallowing too much could be classified a compulsion? Also, could constantly "typing" out words over and over again? Could "If I don't do this, I don't have OCD" be a cause for OCD compulsions (if I think really hard and try to stop, the burglar issue comes up again and I can't stop doing these rituals, but that's the main reason when I think "I'm not going to do this")? I also wanted to thank all of you for your support. If it wasn't for you, I don't think I would have told any of my friends or consider telling my family doctor. I really appreciate it.

Thanks,
Daniela

TerryB 12-04-2003 06:03 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Yes to all you questions. It seems so obvious to me that you do have OCD. Every person with OCD is unique in how it is displayed. I have a sister that can not tell a lie. I have a niece that has a problem with compulsive lying. They both have OCD. Congratulations for having the stamina to pursue treatment despite the road blocks. Best of luck to you and keep us posted. Terry

gogocrazy 12-06-2003 05:13 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Hey!

Thanks for the reply.

My family doctor hasn't come over yet, but I've been looking around the internet to see if I can find anything that would be useful to give him. I had heard of the symptoms like obsessive religious thoughts, but I had never thought much of them. I noticed that I might have shown symptoms in that form a year or two ago. I would read my Bible every day, I would pray a lot and I would say "God bless" at the end of every e-mail and conversation. I thought that if I didn't, I would go to hell. I also remember, about four years ago, I went to my cabin. My backyard at my cabin is forest, and I remember spending a few hours a day trying to get the forest floor "stick free." Not the whole forest floor, but a little area near where the deck ends and the forest starts. I also remember continually cleaning a few hours a day about 2-3 years ago, cleaning ever room in the house, and I couldn't stand a mess. Another thing is that two years ago, I would always wash my hands after I touched my dog (my dog doesn't shed either, so it's not because I had dog hair on my hands or anything). Of course, none of these things seemed weird to me. All of these routines were obvious to my parents though. Could all of these be classified symptoms?

Another thing I was wondering because if the answer is no (I think it is, but I just want to be sure), maybe it could help me if I choke up when I'm telling the doctor about my symptoms, even though I'm sure I'm telling him, is it possible to completely recover from OCD with cognitive behavioral therapy and medication? What about without?

Anyways, I better go, thanks again!

Thanks,
Daniela

P.S. I've also started touching all of my drawers in my room before I go to sleep. This is also classified a symptom, right?

TerryB 12-06-2003 06:47 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Daniela,
OCD can manifest itself in many "creative" ways. Sometimes I can't tell if a quirky trait of my 4 year old is OCD or not. Sometimes it just doesn't matter if if does not interfere with your life. If something is "off" in my daughter's life and I'm not sure what is causing it then I talk with the OCD doctor. OCD is tricky. My daughter was running to the bathroom a lot and we thought she had a urinary tract infection. We ever had her urine tested. The OCD doc informed us that it was OCD and after using cognitive behavioral therapy "on it" it went away. So, I guess she was right. I have never seen compulsive toilet habits discussed on this board but sure enough this was OCD. I think that after you start seeing someone about this it will become clearer.

OCD waxes and wanes generally but is not cured totally. You just have to know how to recognize it and beat it down when it surfaces. You can lead a normal life generally especially if you start to treat it when you are young. If you are not sure if some of your quirky behaviors are OCD then you may want to think about how much of your time they are taking up (mentally or physically) and this will let you know if you need to "deal" with it. Some OCD behaviors are just embarassing so you might want to curb them. My sister eats in twos and no one notices and she is not motivated to do anything about it. If you give her one cookie she will break it in half without drawing attention to herself.

This board is great but can't replace a good OCD specialist. I don't mind trying to help at all but keep in mind that I am not qualified to be a psychologist. Make sure that any advice that you get here from me or anyone else agrees with the bulk of all your research. With all that I do know I still find the OCD specialist invaluable. My daughter sees her about every 2 months. I also understand your desperation to find answers so please keep posting but don't give up on your dream of seeing a psychologist.

Best of luck to you Daniela. I sense that you will be able to deal with this. Keep us posted. I do care. Terry

MrsLee 12-08-2003 08:00 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Daniela,

I am happy to see you have posted again, I was wondering how you were doing. I am no expert, but it sounds as if you have OCD. I know your intentions are to tell someone about it, and I sincerely hope you follow through. I think you will feel a lot better it you get some help. Take care sweety! Good luck!

gogocrazy 12-13-2003 12:31 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Hi! Thanks again for replying.

I've been pretty confused lately. I've been trying to stop my rituals and it's not working too well. When I tell myself "If you don't do this, you won't have OCD" I just try to tell myself that if I don't have OCD and I know it, I won't be wrong about anything because I wouldn't have gotten help yet. Now, however, I tell myself "If something happens to someone, it'll be your fault." I think that if I don't perform my rituals, it'll be my fault if something happens to someone I love, and sometimes I think thatthat something will actually happen. I'm not sure if this is because I have OCD, or if I've read about it and tricked myself into believing I have it, but I can't stop.

I told my best friend about this about a week ago. I never thought I would be able to tell her, but she has been very supportive without judging me. She found that to go to a walk-in clinic, I don't need parental consent, and she decided that we should go this weekend. Initially, I was thrilled and I couldn't stop smiling. I started bawling my eyes out I was so happy, I couldn't believe that I was finally going to get help. After about an hour, however, I couldn't stop crying because I was so confused. I would think about having to do my rituals, and I would try to stop, but I couldn't and I kept on crying. My friend's out of town now, and I'm so confused. I know I should go, but I can't stop worrying about whether I'm wrong. My friend gets back today, but I don't think I can go tomorrow. Hopefully I'll go soon, but I'm still very scared.

My "OCD" seems to be getting worse. I'm not sure if it's because I've been feeling stressed lately, or if it just is and I'm worrying myself into doing these compulsions. My "typing" compulsion is becoming much more frequent. First I have to do it 5 times, but it never "feels right," so I do it another 5 times, but an even number isn't good, so I have to do it another 5 times, and I can't stop or "I'll be at fault if something happens." Dispite my effort to stop my swallowing compulsion, I still do it, and I think more often than before. It's taking me longer to read because I often have to re-read sentences or paragraphs. I'm picking up new compulsions without dropping any of my old ones. For instance, I touchevery drawer in my room before I go to bed, and if I don't do it properly, I start again. I'm beginning to take a lot longer to draw a graph, because it has to be "perfect." I'm so confused, and as I write this I know that I probably have OCD but I get so scared. Also, I know right now that there's no point to my compulsions, but once I feel like I have to do them, I can't help it.

I know I should get help and I'm hoping I'll be able to go next weekend. Would you guys recommend going alone or going with a friend? Or do you think I shoudl wait for the family doctor like I was planning to do, or try telling my parents again? If you think I should go, are there any specific things you think I should mention or not mention? If they think I should get more help, do they have the power to make me get more help or tell my parents? Thanks, I really appreciate all of the help. I know I wouldn't be where I am and nobody would know if it wasn't for this board.

Thanks,
Daniela

TerryB 12-13-2003 03:02 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Go, tell, the first opportunity you have. You will get some control back. Terry

Sanguine 12-17-2003 11:32 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Daniela,

Please go to the doctor ASAP, either with or without your parents. You will feel tons better once you get this officially diagnosed. It sounds like your parents may be in denial, and as a result, you seem to be as well. However, I can tell you unequivocably, without a doubt, based on everything you've said, that you have OCD in some form. Take the next step and get yourself help. You are a bright girl with a bright future -- don't let this condition take any more away from your life. If your parents are unwilling to take this seriously, then you need to do this yourself. That's very unfortunate, but sometimes people (like your parents) need a wake up call.

I hope everything works out. Keep us posted...

MrsLee 12-18-2003 11:21 AM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Daniela, please go to the doctor as soon as you can. If doesn't really matter if you go with someone or not, whichever you are most comfortable with. If I were you I wouldn't wait for the family doctor. PLease keep us updated, and take care.

gogocrazy 12-20-2003 10:47 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Hi again.

Thanks for all of the replies.

I've been so confused lately. I don't know. I know that I have to go to a doctor ASAP, but I feel so alone. I feel like no one knows what I'm going through and they don't care either. I told one of my closest friends and we don't even talk anymore. I guess I just thought she would care. I can't go to the doctor alone. I'll get too scared, I don't know what to do, I'm just so confused. However, I feel like I have no one to go with. I don't know.

I'm not sure, but I think there's a possibility that I might be suffering from secondary depression (in this case, as a result from OCD). Sometimes all I can do is cry, and I can't stop. I try to stop, but I just can't. I end up crying for such a long time. I can't help but think that I don't have any potential in life, that no one cares, and I think about how easy it would be to just go downstairs and overdose on some drug. I've tried telling my friends, but they don't seem to care. They seem like they wouldn't care if I died, and I don't know if I actually would kill myself, but it took all of my energy to stay upstairs and not go downstairs. I don't know what I'd do if I did go downstairs, if I'd get too scared, actually I probably would get too scared and not do anything, but I don't think that's normal.

Lately, I've started worrying more about how clean I am. I won't touch anything, and even yesterday I wouldn't touch the soap because I thought it was disgusting. I just couldn't. I told myself that it was okay, that the soap wasn't dirty, but I just couldn't touch it. Whenever I see dirt, I can't touch it either. I don't know if this could possibly be the beginning of a fear of germs, but I never really had a big concern with any of this before. Also, I'm starting to worry about acting inappropriately in public. Yesterday I was at my friend's concert, and I spent the whole time thinking "What if I do this? What if I don't notice I'm doing it, what if I can't control myself? What would people think of me? Would anyone talk to me every again?" and so on. I now realize that I wouldn't have done anything inappropriate, but whenever I'm in public I think I might. Sometimes if I'm thinking about something, like "My friend doesn't care about me, she's emotionally involved in this situation" (the situation where I'm losing a good friend of mine), then I think "I have to tell her. If I don't, I'm being dishonest." I don't know if this is just becuase I've read up on OCD though, I'm just so confused.

Sorry for this post. I know it sounds useless and there's no point to it, but I had to get this out. I feel so hopeless, and this is the only place people understand and care. Does anyone maybe have any advice? Thanks so much.

Thanks,
Daniela

TerryB 12-21-2003 05:06 AM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Oh Daniella, here's a nice hug: ((((((Daniellla)))))))

At school tomorrow can you walk straight done to your guidance counselor? Suicidal kids are taken very seriously by the school system.

Terry

Just a boy.. 12-21-2003 03:08 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Hi Daniella,

Please please please take the advice many others have given you in this thread, it's solid stuff from people who's been there.

I'm also only a kid - 16 - but when I felt I couldn't tell my parents about the stuff I was doing (and hiding very successfully) I told a good friend of mine one night and she helped me book an appointment with my GP and even went with me there for some support. I owe so much to her for getting the ball rolling, and even though I've only been to my doc once and didn't even get the time to tell him everything that was on my mind, I've got another appointment tomorrow that I'm far less nervous for.

I've been put on a waiting list for some sort of counsellor/psych (!) and I'm feeling much more positive about things now. I used to be suicidal and very close to the edge, but I realise now I have so much to live for - even if just to beat this illness, be it OCD or whatever - I've not been officially diagnosed yet but reading some of these threads and doing some research... wow, some of it sounds like my biography.

I too suffer from the 'inappropriate behaviour' thing. Most of the time I just get home from school or going out and I suddenly start to think about what I did or said. Then I get this horrible feeling like I've done something totally inappropriate or just plain embarrassing but I can't remember... other times I could be out an about and just start to think 'what if I did this right now, how would people react'.. I usually get pictures when I think that last thought and it's usually sexual :confused:, which is so twisted and wierd I'm not sure I can bring myself to tell my GP that but we'll see.

I've gone on a bit, and I'm not sure if you'r in the US or not but it sounds like you are so I don't know how your health system works or anything - I don't think it's free though is it? I really do hope you find a way to talk to a professional about this because since I got help I've felt like I can finally begin trying to achieve my dreams again. :)!

gogocrazy 12-25-2003 04:11 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Hey!

I can't talk to my school counsellor, my Christmas break started last Friday and I still have over another week. When I get back, if I still feel like I have nothing to live for, I'll talk to my homeroom teacher.

My mood is changing so much. The past few days have been pretty good. Even this morning I was fine, and I didn't think I could ever kill myself. Then all of a sudden I started feeling like I have nothing to live for, and how easy it would be to kill myself. Maybe it's just a bad day. I don't know.

The other day I was talking to my mom and my sister was there, and my mom said something about having to throw more stuff out that I wouldn't use it. I can't, so I said "Well what if I need it for something? I just can't throw anything out" and then my sister said "I really think she should go to a psychologist or something." My mom said "Why? There's no need?" so my sister said "She's like obsessive compulsive," and I was like "Please? I mean just to be safe," and she said "You're fine," and laughed (I don't think she thinks I'm serious) and it pretty much ended at that. Oh well. I'm planning to go to a walk-in clinic (I live in Canada, so health care is free) with a friend, as soon as I feel like one really cares. Like I know any of my close friends would go with me, but I don't know if they really care and would really be there for me and since this is such a big deal to me, I don't want them to just leave me once they get bored. Maybe they wouldn't, but I just want to be sure.

Sometimes everything just seems so unreal to me. I don't believe that I have a mental disorder. When I'm not faced with a ritual, I wonder how I can't do things without doing a ritual or how I can't stop myself thinking certain things that are so unrealistic, and I tell myself that I won't do it anymore. However, it never works because once I'm in an environment where I would perform my ritual, it seem so real. I think this is causing me to be in denial, even though I do the same screening test many times and I'm always thinking about my OCD. At first I just wanted a second opinion, but now new issues arise like not wanting to be wrong. Everything seems so hopeless, I don't know if I'll ever be able to get help, but I'm the one holding myself back, no one else is. Oh well, hopefully I get enough courage soon enough.

Anyways, I better go. Thanks again for the replies. Happy Holidays!

Thanks,
Daniela

TerryB 12-25-2003 07:31 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Can your sister go with you to the walk-in clinic? My sister is my best friend I think. Terry

MrsLee 12-26-2003 09:49 AM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Daniela--please get yourself to the doctor. I know it would be easier if someone went with you, but if you can't ask someone then please go by yourself. Sometimes we need to force ourselves to do something we don't want to do.

I see so much of myself in you that it breaks my heart. Sometimes I wonder how I made it through the years I spent suffering, but I did, and I am so happy that I did. I know it seems hopeless right now, but I promise you that life will get better at some point in the future. Right now there are plenty of things in my life that are not good, but there are also so many that are good. If I would have ended my life when it was really bad I would have missed out on so much. You are young and have so much ahead of you. I know it's so hard to see it right now but I promise you if you hang in there and get the help you need things will get better. You are a brilliant girl and have so much potential. You are at a roadblock right now, and all you need is a little help getting through it. Even if you can't see a great future right now, I can see one for you!

So again, please please PLEASE go to the doctor, no matter if it's with or without a friend. You need to get through this rough spot in your life so you can be happy and get the most out of life. Take care sweety and God bless!

gogocrazy 01-01-2004 12:28 AM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Hey!

Sorry I didn't respond sooner. I was at my cabin.

I've been having huge mood swings lately. Most of the time, however, I think that I have nothing to live for. While I was at my cabin without internet access, I realized how much I really do depend on my friends. I kept on thinking to call someone up or to go online to see if any of them are on, but I don't know if that's good. It seems that in a lot of Junior High schools, mine included, everyone's trying to find out who they are. I have great friends, but I don't know which ones I can really depend on right now since I'm so vunerable and I don't consider myself nearly strong enough to deal with this, but I'm going to get through it. I wonder why I'm doubting so much and thinking about conversations and people's motives when they ask me a question. I mean I always have, but never to this extent.

Like I said, I've been having mood swings lately. In fact, just an hour ago, I was feeling depressed again. I decided to come here because I know that you guys are so supportive, but reading the recent posts again really raised my spirits (thanks TerryB and MrsLee especially in this last post) and I'm in a much better mood now, I can't even stop smiling. In the past few days though, I haven't been able to stop thinking about killing myself, the thoughts aren't going away. I think it would be so much easier and I know that it'd be cowardly of me to kill myself, but I get to the point that I don't care. I sent a friend (that I know I can definitely count on no matter what) and e-mail about an hour ago, and I'm definitely planning to go to the doctor very soon. I asked her in the e-mail to please go with me, since I was in a mood where I know I have to go. She's already assured me that she will and I don't think she'll judge me on my diagnosis, whatever it may be.

In response to your suggestion about going to the doctor with my sister, TerryB, great idea! Thanks! I was planning on asking her on the chairlift while I was my cabin or something, but I didn't get the chance. I've put a lot of thought into who I should go with, if anyone, and if I don't feel confident enough to go with any of my friends, I'm going to ask her. I loved that idea. It's really comforting to know that no matter what, I can ask her. She's not going anywhere.

My "OCD" seems to be getting worse recently. I can't stop re-reading things and when I do, I have to think "right, left, left, right" and move my hands or teeth subtly 5 times, but then it doesn't feel right so another 5, but an even number isn't good, and so on. I wash my hands five times, do my ritual at the end of brushing my teeth 5 times, kiss my dog 5 times, brush my hair 5 times, etc. If I don't, I think that someone I love will get into a car accident or another dreaded occurance will take place, and I'll be at fault, even though I know that's not true. I have random intrusive thoughts, I obsess over conversations all of the time, and well basically all of the symptoms I've mentioned in the past. I'm planning to go to a doctor (well I know I was before when I was in this mood, but hopefully I'll stick with it this time).

Anyways, I better get going. I'll probably post very soon. Good luck Just a boy.., I think you were so brave to go to the doctor. Good luck to everyone else, and thanks so much for everything! I owe so much to all of you who have helped me. I feel so lucky.

Daniela :)

TerryB 01-01-2004 07:10 AM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Daniela,

That is so observant of you to notice that the other students are still "finding" themselves. I remember getting very cynical at your age but these same people really do improve with age (although some of the worst ones you will probably find will never be friends of yours.) That being said, it is hard to trust people at this age. It is also hard to appreciate the good friends that you have right in your own family. I probably would have been embarrassed to admit that my sister was my best friend back then!

You are very special Daniela. You are smart and insightful and a survivor! Hang in there!

Terry

gogocrazy 01-01-2004 09:42 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Hey!

Thanks so much.

My friend hasn't e-mailed me back yet (she doesn't check her e-mail very often) but I'm pretty confident that she'll come with me, she's already said that she will. If she doesn't, however, I'll ask one of my other close friends (including my sister). A few of my friends are conscience about what other people think of them and are still finding themselves, but they're still loyal. Most of my friends don't care what people think of them though and I know they'll stick with me through anything. Even if, for whatever reason, no one can come with me, I'll go alone. I need to get help and I want to get help.

Thanks for bringing up my sister too. I really didn't realize that she'd always be there for me until you mentioned it. We're actually pretty close, especially after family problems that have been occuring in the past 2 years or so. She rebelled more and I stayed quieter, but we still knew what the other was going through, and that really helped. I'm really lucky.

Could extreme indecisiveness also be classified a symptom of OCD? Like being indecisive the point that you can't choose which to eat first, which piece of thread to use (where they're all exactly the same), what to watch, which candle to light first, etc.? I'm always like this, I can't make any decision, and it's out of fear of making a mistake and/or regretting my choice later (when there's really no possible mistake to make, in choosing which thread to use for example). I thought of that in the past week, and I just thought I'd ask. Also, is guilt a symptom (where the guilt makes no sense)? Like if someone was going to go grab something, and you got it for them, then you think "What if they wanted to do it?" and you try to convince them to go get it. One last question about symptoms: could having to keep one last thing of everything be classified an OCD symptom? For instance, if you get a different type of pen every time you need more pens, keeping one pen from each pack "in case you need it" (which, in reality, you never will).

I used to be exactly like everyone else who doesn't know who they actually are when I started Junior High. After a while, however, I realized how stupid I was being and once I found out who I was, I decided that I wasn't going to try to change for anyone. Now, however, I'm finding out that everything I do seems to be somehow explained by OCD, and I have no idea who I am anymore. Could meds or CBT help this to eliminate my symptoms so I know who I am?

I'm still planning to get help and I can't wait. I can't wait until I'm officially diagnosed. I mean I already know I have it, so once I'm officially diagnosed I can finally get help. I just have a few concerns. If the doctor tells me I'm fine and I don't have OCD or any mental disorder, but I still experience obsessions and compulsions, what should I do? Being told I'm fine is probably my biggest fear. It's not that I want to have OCD, but I don't want to be wrong because that'll make me think I'm even crazier because there's no medical explanation for my behavior. I'm hoping they'll be able to diagnose me at the clinic, but if they can't and I have to tell my parents to go to a psychiatrist or psychologist, do you think I should say that I went to a clinic?

I'm so lucky to have found this board, for the supportive people helping me, and my great friends (including my sister) who aren't judging me based on this. I was focusing on my "OCD" too much and how I had to have it, out of so many people who don't have it. Really though, in a way, I'm kind of proud of my OCD while I used to be ashamed. I think it'll help me grow and I'll be stronger because of it. I can't change it, so I might as well look at the positives. I don't enjoy having it, but there are positives to it.

Anyways, thanks for the response TerryB. I'll post again soon. I'm planning to go to a doctor ASAP. Delaying it obviously isn't helping any. If anything, it's having negative affects.

Thanks,
Daniela


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